Woman BAILS on best friend's wedding after MOH debacle; 'You LIED to me!?' AITA? UPDATED

When this woman is upset with her MOH, she asks the internet:

"AITA for refusing to go to my best friend’s wedding for replacing me as MOH?"

8 months ago my best friend of 5+ years, we’ll call her Anna(21), announced she was getting married and asked me(21) to be her MOH. It was a no brainer for me because we’ve been each others’ best friends since middle school.

We spent months looking at wedding dresses, brides maids dresses, decorations, color schemes, going over the guest list etc. at this point everything was running smoothly and we were on great terms.

She let me know up front I’d have to pay for my dress and pitch in with money for everything. I knew money was tight for her and her fiancé so I wanted to help, especially considering how close we were.

Around 3 months until the wedding we were at a get together and were introduced to the gf of a friend of her fiancé and my bf, we’ll call her Lynn. Anna seemed to click with Lynn immediately, they exchanged numbers and made plans to get coffee at a later date that same night.

A week after the party I’m on ft with Anna and she’s basically gushing about Lynn. Going on about how cool and funny Lynn is, about her career, about all the places she’s already traveled at 20, how it’s such a small world because Lynn’s mother works with her mother and Anna’s cousin used to babysit Lynn’s little sister.

All I could do was listen as she went on and on considering I had no connection with this girl. I was happy for her that she met someone she seemed to have such chemistry with.

Not long after, I started noticing abnormal distance from Anna. If I texted it was at least 6 hours before I got a response every time. Other than ”girl can’t you text somebody back?” once, I didn’t bring it up and brushed it off as stress about everything involving her big day.

I started noticing pictures of Lynn on her social media stories a lot. When she and I hung out, which wasn’t much atp, it was only to discuss wedding technicalities and what I would be contributing, financially or other. These times were also usually cut short due to a prior engagement she had with Lynn that she had to rush off to.

At this point, the wedding was two weeks away. The morning of her bachelorette party, which I took the liberty of paying and throwing for her, something gave me the idea to ask if Lynn was going to be a brides maid.

She looked at me as if she had some mad news to tell me. “I’ve been thinking about this for a while and I’m sorry I haven’t told you sooner, I’m making Lynn my MOH.” Obviously I was pissed but I took this news with a smile as to not ruin the day for her.

Later that day at the party, I watched as Anna stood up with Lynn and introduced her as her MOH. Most everyone clapped but a few of our friends looked at each other and then at me.

Everything about this went through me so I stormed out. I haven’t seen Anna in two months or had a real conversation about what happened. I’m conflicted about whether or not I’m completely in the wrong. Please let me know your thoughts on this, thanks.

Before we give you OP's update, let's take a look at some of the top responses:

crimeh writes:

I’m gonna go against the grain and quote a line from the movie A Bronx Tale. There are a few scenes where you see the main character (C) trying to chase and catch this guy because the guy owed him $20. In one of the scenes where he was doing this, the Mob boss Sonny sees this going on and grabs C.

He asks him what’s going and after learning that this guy owes C money, he asks him if he even likes this guy, and C says no, I can’t stand him, but it’s the principal. Sunny says, look, you already solved the problem because this person will never bother you again and all it cost you was a lousy $20.

I know you probably have a lot more invested in her party and you probably have invested a lot more in the friendship. You now know that this is all it cost you to realize that this person is not your friend, is not a good person, and that you never have to deal with her ever again. Problem solved.

You just need to remember your self worth whenever she tries to walk back into your life. Even if she tried to apologize, I would simply tell her to save it and that you are outta fs to give.

Keep your head up high! Know that she will never amount to a piece of chewed gum stuck to the bottom of your shoe! Some people have class and values and she was raised with neither. Good luck and Updateme.

heckyea writes:

you did nothing wrong. if you haven't seen her in over two months, and the wedding was 6 weeks ago, she has had plenty of time to consider what she did to you. She has not apologized or appeared the least bit remorseful.

Unless you want to pretend that nothing is wrong and let her sweep her bad behaviour under the rug, and spend the rest of your life watching your former best friend and her new best friend be cozy..........which you don't want.

I would block her, and remove her from any of your social media. stop looking at her social media.

If you need closure you can ask one of the girls at the bachleorette party what she knows......has A been trash talking you? was she malicious in waiting until you paid for the party before announcing her new MOH?

did she have a secret chat with all the other bridesmaid but not you? Was she planning on not saying anything to you and on the day of the wedding just having you stand somewhere else?

crampp writes:

NTA! TELL HER THAT YOU EXPECT TO BE REIMBURSED by the new MOH for the money you laid out for MOH expenses. Of course, she won't pay you; but do it anyway and then take her to small claims court.

Also, take control of the narrative. MAKE SURE THAT YOU LET EVERYONE KNOW what she did to you--or else she will lie to everyone and you will be blamed. She asked YOU to be her MOH.

"She let me know up front I’d have to pay for my dress AND PITCH IN WITH MONEY FOR EVERYTHING!" You obliged, and you also PAID FOR THE BACHELORETTE PARTY! She is a flaming A. H.

crema writes:

NTA. I knew a girl like your (hopefully ex) friend. I put hundreds of dollars into her wedding and multiple showers and bachelorette and three weeks before the wedding, a friend of hers that was expected to be across the country came home early and the bridezilla

(because she really was awful) told me that she was going to be a bridesmaid instead of me and could I give her my dress. She even took the bridesmaid gift from my hands to give to the new girl when she asked where hers was.

I refused to give my dress to her for free and managed to convince the store to take it back with my sad true story. The only small revenge I had was telling her my husband and I would be at her wedding as guests so she at least wasted money on my empty seats.

She and her groom divorced within the year and she staged a car accident to get disability. The world righted itself when, a month after her husband left her, she was in a real car accident and ended up with real chronic pain. It couldn’t have happened to a better person. I hope you dump your asshole of a friend and return her wedding gift.

feeez writes:

Oh my god. She did what to you now? You did all that work and paid all that money for that free loader and she gave the title to her bed friend that she replaced you with? She can go to hell for doing that to you.

NTA. So definitely not the a. You need to not go to that wedding. She’s seriously mean and self centered to you. That’s abusive what she did to you.

She’s going above and beyond shoving you out of your friend group. Do not be surprised if she and the new friend start trying to sabotage your relationship with your boyfriend too.

Something suspicious about them and I fear that they’re going to try to force you out and get your boyfriend to date her new friend so all the boyfriends and girlfriends match up. Very cliquey. But yeah you’ve been seriously and publicly dumped as a friend: you don’t need that toxic person in your life.

And you know she’s up to plotting against you considering that she did this at the party that YOU PAID FOR !!!

And now, OP's update:

I’m gonna take the high road here and use this as a life lesson. What she did really hurts and I’m not exactly sure what to take from this experience yet. We’ve been best friends since middle school and I’m so serious when I say she was never toxic through the entirety of our friendship.

I appreciate everyone’s input, if I could get some advice if at all possible on how to learn from this, that would be productive and helpful. I’d also like to add im 21 and moved to a town 3 hours away from my parents 1 year ago, so Reddit is my best option for input and advice right now.

I’m trying my best to put myself out there and make connections but making friends as an adult is harder than I thought. Advice on that alone too would be helpful. Thanks again everyone.

greifff writes:

NTA. You were duped into doing & paying for so much, but the kicker was the Bachelorette party when she knew she'd already replaced you. You have every right to be angry about the deception. It's ok to mourn the loss if the friendship. You just saw a side of her you didn't know existed.

Don't be surprised if she comes crawling back, wanting to make up..& don't be surprised if it comes on the heels of a major life crisis she's going through. Remind yourself how she treated you & don't let her back in your life. The cost of the bach party was the price you paid for learning what kind of person she is, & to never pay for other people's parties.

I'm just curious what her fiancé thought about the switcheroo at the last minute, not having a good reason. That's hella big red flag behavior on her part. I'm sure he'll get to know all her others soon enough. Be thankful you're not in his shoes!

Readers continued to weigh in on OP's update:

newprincepl writes:

What to take from this. Understand what are reasonable asks. At no time is it ok to ask your friend to fund things like your wedding. It bothered me that she said you "had to pitch in" with her wedding costs and planning.

Planning help is understandable. You were taken advantage of because you have a kind spirit. So long story short, financial demands like it's your responsibility when it has nothing to do with you is a red flag.