Woman bans 'well-off' mother-in-law from stopping by the house she bought for them. AITA?

"AITA for saying my mother-in-law can't stop by the house she bought us?"

My MIL bought my husband (29M) and myself (29F) a house across the street from hers. Literally across the street. Our first home, already nearby, had severe flooding issues. When the new (much nicer) house went on the market my MIL offered to buy it for us.

Side note: My MIL was well off, but unexpectedly came into A LOT of money 8 years ago. She has the habit of over spending on her children, like any mother would I'm sure. My husband’s extremely comfortable accepting her generosity, but it's hard for me.

He said no and moved on. Shortly after, we had the worst flood we had seen and it was now a constant stress and we were really struggling with it. I caved and asked if she was serious. He said yes and he thought it was a nice house, so I asked him to set up a tour for later that day.

By 3pm that day, WITHOUT INVOLVING ME AT ALL, my MIL had made a cash offer on the house and we were under contract. I'm wildly independent and private and have never allowed ANYONE to make decisions for me, but the ups clearly outweigh my discomforts.

But since this wasn't the first time she's pulled something like this, hubs said he would talk to her about how we appreciate it but she crossed the line. Apparently they did have some version of that talk but it felt like she got away with agreeing she overstepped but not acknowledging that it's not okay to behave that way.

Side note #2: my guy is honestly a bit of a Mama's boy. I say that with love and respect with hopes if I ever have a son that I'm lucky enough to have such a loving relationship with him, but it is what it is. He's very protective of her and with her various health issues he always comes when she calls.

But there's a level of constant communication that’s foreign and frankly frustrating to me who comes from a fairly cold family. I respect that his family is different from mine, and since I'm living surrounded by them, I'm the one to adjust.

It felt wrong to be anything but grateful for the house, and I AM GRATEFUL, but she's been stopping by and calling him more and more and recently over with a STRANGER (to me, my husband knew them) to tour my house unannounced.

My hubs, bless him, wants to be on my side and has actively put me first multiple times since this behavior isn't new. But my MIL can be quite loud and guilting when things don't go her way. He cares so much about her and it stresses when he's in the middle, so for his sake I tend to back down because I know she'll make him feel like trash otherwise.

I believe she has a good heart and means well, but she has her own issues and in my opinion, is emotionally immature. AITA for drawing boundaries myself and telling her she's not allowed over unannounced to the house she purchased? Note: The only names on the deed are mine and my husband's.

Here's what people had to say about this one:

According_Pie3971 said:

NTA, but for god's sake grow a spine and change the locks but make sure to tell husband that if he gives her a key or access to your home in any way without your agreement that this will be the hill you will die on.

SigSauerPower320 said:

ESH. Quite honestly, it's not overstepping if you allow it to happen. This is something you accepted when you took the house. You know her. You know how she is. You can't tell me you didn't see this type of behavior coming. I mean...Right across the street from her??...Some will call it victim blaming...but not me!!!

I get that you were in a difficult situation, but the moment you took that house, you signed yourself up for unannounced visits from your neighbor. You also signed up for this by marrying a known "momma's boy."

Klutzy_Property83 said:

Regardless of whose name is on there, it's her house and you just live in it. Accepting gifts comes at a price. YTA to yourself for having moved into a house paid for by your MIL. Best of luck, I don't see this getting better.

Embarrassed_Fan_8380 said:

It may not be entitlement- Maybe it's what she's used to. In my family, who all live close by, people always enter each other's homes with a quick tap on the door and walking straight in; my husband had never experienced that and didn't like it. After he expressed it made him uncomfortable...

I let everyone know that from now on we'd like a text/heads up if anyone wanted to visit, and the door is always locked. After a little confusion (and perhaps tension) everyone complied. NTA.

HaloDaisy said:

You refer to yourself as “wildly independent, private and have never allowed anyone to make decisions for you,” yet your actions suggest the exact opposite. You’re living in a house you didn’t choose that was bought for you. ESH.

LeaveInteresting3290 said:

NTA - she didn’t buy it for you if she thinks she has the right to come over when she chooses and to bring people to the house without notice. It’s not your house. You’re living in her house. She’s just pretending it’s yours.

Alert-Cranberry-5972 said:

It's your MILs house. You both are just renters. Or freeloaders. If you want out of under MILs thumb, buy your own home or rent. ESH.

k23_k23 said:

ESH. Move out, and buy your own home. That will solve your issues nicely.