Woman boycotts cousin's wedding over offensive birthday cake, 'my heart dropped.' AITA?
"AITA for Not Wanting to Go to My Cousin's Wedding After She Brought a Cake Saying 'Recovering From Drugs' to My Birthday?"
So, I (32F) have been clean for almost three years now after struggling with drug addiction. It's been a rough road but I'm proud of how far I've come. Most of my family have been supportive, but some...not so much.
My cousin, Emily (28F), and I aren’t that close. We get along, but it’s not like we talk often or anything. A few months ago, my family threw me a small birthday party. I was feeling really good about it, I mean, I’ve been through a lot and I was finally in a place where I could enjoy being around people again.
Everything was going fine until it was time for cake. Emily walks in, all smiles, holding a cake that says “Congratulations on Recovering from Drugs!”c I felt like my heart dropped. It was so embarrassing. I mean, yeah, everyone there knew about my recovery, but it wasn’t something I wanted plastered all over a cake at my birthday party.
Some people laughed awkwardly, and I could tell a few of my family members were just as uncomfortable as I was. Emily, though, acted like it was the funniest thing in the world. She said it was “just a joke” and she thought it’d be a “funny way to acknowledge my progress.” I tried to keep it together, smiled through it, but inside I was hurt and pissed.
Afterwards, I pulled her aside and told her the cake was completely out of line. She kinda rolled her eyes and said, “Oh come on, it was just a joke, you’re being too sensitive! I was just trying to show I’m proud of you.” I explained that my recovery isn’t something I want joked about, especially not in front of people, but she didn’t seem to get it at all. She just shrugged and moved on, like it was no big deal.
Now her wedding is coming up in a few weeks, and I really don’t want to go. I’m still hurt over what happened, and I just feel like she doesn’t respect my boundaries. It’s a big family event though, so if I don’t go, everyone’s going to notice and ask why. But honestly, I don’t want to sit through the whole thing pretending everything is fine when it’s not.
I told my mom how I felt, and she said I’m overreacting. She thinks Emily’s joke was dumb but harmless, and that skipping the wedding would just cause drama for no reason. She keeps telling me to just let it go and not make things awkward, but I don’t know if I can.
I feel like this is more than just about the cake. It’s about the fact that Emily doesn’t seem to respect my recovery or my feelings. Am I really supposed to just get over it for the sake of “family peace?" So, AITA for not wanting to go to my cousin’s wedding after she brought a cake making fun of my recovery at my birthday?
Here's what top commenters had to say about this one:
SnooWords4839 said:
NTA - A joke is when everyone laughs. The petty in me would get a sympathy card addressed to the groom for the wedding.
philautos said:
Tell the people who object that, if you attend, you will take the microphone and congratulate Emily on something embarrassing. Then ask them whether they want you to attend. NTA.
deepc$mcraver said:
NTA. Emily disrespected your boundaries by making light of your recovery at your birthday. Her dismissal of your feelings after the fact is concerning. Look, Idgaf what anyone says, but your recovery journey is personal, and you decide how to share it. It's okay to skip the wedding if you feel uncomfortable. Your mental health and well-being are important
DeviantDe said:
NTA. Don't go to the wedding. I'm all for sending cards though, Have your mother drop off your "congratulations" card for you. In it, just wish the groom good luck and that you hope he never has anything he doesn't want advertised to the world to be his new wifes way of making jokes.
Prudent-Ad1002 said:
NTA, now she wants seat fillers to feel good about herself. Tell her you'll try to catch the next one.
springflowers68 said:
NTA. Your mom was wrong, you were not overreacting. What your cousin did was cruel. Unless there are people you want to see to catch up with, you are under no obligation to attend the wedding. If you decide to go, go for yourself and hold your head high. This internet mom is proud of you as I know many others are, too!