Woman boycotts SIL's Thanksgiving dish; 'After last year I don't think it's safe.' AITA?

"AITA for not eating a Thanksgiving dish I suspect it was made last year?"

Long time lurker, first time poster but I’m so baffled about this situation I need a non biased perspective.

My husband and I (30ish) have a quite large family: his parents, his 2 siblings plus spouses and kids; my divorced parents and their new spouses, plus my siblings and their spouses and kids.

All together we are well over 20 people so family gatherings can be overwhelming for the person hosting. (And yes, my divorced parents and their new spouses get along fine and there’s no drama.)

Last night we celebrated Thanksgiving and as a family tradition everyone brings a dish. Usually we communicate with each other so that way everyone is making different types of food. My sister-in—law (wife of my brother) said that she was going to bring her mom’s famous sweet potato casserole.

I thought it was very nice of her since her mon passed away this year and she was honoring her memory by making her recipe. However, once I saw her dish I truly think she brought last year’s leftovers.

Instead of big pan, she brought several small and medium containers of sweet potato casserole. Although it did not smell weird it was very dry and just didn’t look like a regular one. I didn’t try it and discreetly told my husband my concerns, who also did not try it.

Once Thanksgiving was over, my mother called me saying that my SIL was upset because she noticed I didn’t try her dish. I told my mother about my fears and she said that I’m just to picky with food and there’s no way a frozen casserole could last a year without having mold.

I pointed that the several containers could mean she cut the “good parts” and left the moldy ones. After an awkward silence, we decided to agree to disagree and hang up.

I feel bad for my SIL but I truly could not bring myself to eat something I am not 100% sure is safe. So AITA?

Let's see what readers thought:

crown6 writes:

NTA. Let’s say for argument’s sake that the casserole was made yesterday, on Thanksgiving. If you just decided you didn’t want sweet potato casserole, you’d still be in this situation and you’d still be justified in not eating it. Either way, the person who made the dish should not be closely monitoring who took some. That’s very strange. Eat what you want to eat at these types of gatherings.

fowls8 writes:

YTA because you dont make sense. It seems you are saying that every dish is gluten based. So the Turkey has gluten? The Cranberry sauce has gluten? The mashed potatoes have gluten?

Unless you took the gluten allergy test you should not think you have a gluten allergy because if you are not you are forcing your kids to miss out on key nutrients at a time they need them. KNow that 30% of the country thinks they have a gluten allergy but in reality, only 3-6% actually have Celiacs disease.

More likely you have IBS and are allergic to the fructose, sucrose, maltose, raffinose, and fructo-oligosaccharides (fructans) which are found in many wheat products.

dagha writes:

NAH. I am sorry to say this, but is really a pain in the ass to accommodate someone with celiac disease, especially if that is serious. (Normal household is full of wheat flour and etc.)

Your mom is already a stressball about the normal dishes. My mom is the same, no matter that she does the same dishes every year, so nothing complicated and new... It is the way she is, and probably your mom too.

While the ideal solution would be what you said, what about going over early that day and helping her with the regular dishes, then ushering her out to have the kitchen for your special dishes?

crsimt writes:

Honestly YTA.Not for not eating it. That is your choice. But you basically spread rumors without knowing, you caused your husband to also not eat it and all of this about your frankly wrong ideas about freezer food.

Storing leftovers for a year is absolutely no big deal. The quality may be a bit worse, but in no way unsafe.

agahewiou writes:

Yta. You don’t have to eat anything you don’t want to. But instead of just quietly not eating it you decided to spread rumors and even pull your husband aside at the party to tell him something you have no way of knowing, before also telling your mom. You’re just gossiping, and considering her recent loss it’s an especially cruel thing to gossip about.

Also, how obvious were you about not wanting to eat it, that sil got so upset your mom noticed? I’ve been to thanksgiving every year of my life and there’s always tons of food and you pick what you want and move along.

I’ve never seen someone get mad that not every single person ate their dish. Did she get mad at her brother too? Did every other person there eat it? Or were you making a big stink about how gross it looked and how you were not going to eat it?

I think you’re being needlessly mean to your sil. She’s still grieving the loss of her mother, attempted to make the holidays feel somewhat normal. Either you’re totally wrong and she’s just not a great cook, in which case you insulted her cooking and disrespected her attempt to honor her mother.

Or she did bring frozen leftovers from last year, so maybe check on her! You truly suspect a grown woman is trying to pass off year old food as fresh because she’s so caught up in her grief and instead of worrying about her mental health and wellbeing you decide to embarrass her? What type of mental state would you have to be in to do something like that? If she did, it’s a cry for help.