Woman calls 911 on neighbors after they kidnap her child, kidnappers say we were just grieving. UPDATED x3

I called the cops on my neighbors after they kidnapped my child.

Frosty-Connection344 writes:

My husband (39m) and I (35f) moved to this country when we first got married due to his work. We had our first child (f6) here. He was then moved to Germany where our other two (4m, 3f) were born. His company decided to move him here again, but to the opposite side of the country to where we lived the last time after we had our fourth (f, 5 months).

So, needless to say, we know the culture despite not being native. Our daughter started school this August for the first time, and a lot of her classmates live in the same area we do. One of the boys in her class lives at the end of the road behind us.

When we first moved into the neighborhood back in May, we were welcomed by a few of our close neighbors and this boy's mother (let's call her Astrid). She took a shine to my baby, but most people fuss over babies, so I didn't think much of it.

That same day she told me of how she had lost two baby girls and how lucky I was to have so many girls, and she only had three boys. The day after, she came with her husband (let's call him Morton), and he too wanted to pick up the baby and paid her a lot of compliments. Until he met our oldest daughter and made a remark which I didn't think much of at the time.

He said my daughter and his son could easily pass for twins as they are in the same class, and they look alike. They don't. My daughter is super blonde with grey eyes and their son has dark blondish hair with hazel eyes. So, I corrected him. He feigned offense and said what he meant was that she could pass for his daughter, the baby too.

Again, I corrected them that with his light brown hair and hazel eyes, neither of my girls could. He once again insisted and said, I mean our features, not the coloring. Then he laughed it off and said he was just joking. They then invited us to go out for drinks, but we declined as neither one of us drinks, and we don't like to be too friendly with neighbors.

During the summer when we bumped into them at the local store a few times, Morton and Astrid would call her "julestjerne" and sing a song from a famous movie here. After a few times, I told them to knock it off as it was no longer funny. Since May and up until a week ago, they have tried to invite us to many get-togethers which I found strange as they hardly ever invite the neighbors that they have known for longer than us.

Morton and Astrid would quite often talk to my daughter on her way back to school (as she passes their house on the way home), and she said that it bothers her as they have both tried to pick her up, and Astrid has tried a few times to touch her hair.

When my husband confronted them about it, they said it's just the culture here. It's not. The picking up and touching her hair stopped after that. At the beginning of October, they wanted us to help them host a "Halloween party" at the end of October, and wanted us to meet them at their house so we could coordinate the children's costumes, especially the "twins." We declined again as we don't celebrate Halloween.

They tried to convince us otherwise and were very pushy. Even had their son knock on our door a few times to play with "his twin" after school. Knocking on doors to play with other children is normal, and most children roam out and about as it's a safe neighborhood and country, so that part was never suspicious to me.

However, after the umpteenth time of calling my daughter one of his twins, I put my foot down and said he needed to stop "joking" about it as it's not funny anymore.

My husband goes offshore at times due to his work, and it has been me and the children since mid-October. My daughter's teacher also lives in the neighborhood, and she is a childhood friend of Astrid. She was present in the park by our house when Astrid came up to me and handed me three costumes. One for each of my girls.

She said as we don't celebrate Halloween, she and her husband had decided to host a "Hallovenn" party instead and wanted my girls to wear these. I was shocked but told her no. It would not happen. The teacher tried to convince me that this would be a nice way of meeting other families, and it would be fun for our children.

Astrid said she had spent a lot of money on adjusting the costumes and had found the right hairstyle for my daughter to go as Gretel to her son's Hans. I told her no one made her spend the money as I had made it very clear that none of my children would be going.

Right in front of me, she took the hairband off my daughter's hair and tried to put one on that she had bought for the costume. I told her to stop and started walking off. She tried to apologize and said relax. We are neighbors and friends. Her teacher followed me and said not to be uptight and that Astrid meant no harm. She just likes girls.

On Monday, my daughter came home with a different hairstyle and accessories than what I had sent her off with. I asked her how she got them, and she said her teacher had done her hair during lunch. I asked her if she had played rough so her hair needed to be fixed; she said no.

Yesterday morning I spoke to her teacher, and she confirmed that it was indeed her who had fixed her hair and that it was Astrid who bought the stuff. I asked her why she would go against my wishes, to which she said it was only hair stuff and Astrid didn't want to throw it away as she had spent money on it.

She thought with three daughters, I would appreciate help with some free accessories. She also said that I had not made it explicitly clear not to fix my daughter's hair. I left after telling her to never do it again and returned the stuff.

In the evening, the neighborhood children went trick-or-treating (those participating were informed it would last from six to eight). I let my daughter go off and play with one of the other girls who wasn't trick-or-treating. At about seven, I couldn't hear them.

So, I went outside to check, and they were not there. I asked one of the other children if they had seen her, and they said Morton and Astrid had collected her in their car, and her friend had gone home. I asked next door to watch my other two while I ran with the baby to their place. When I arrived there, they were having a party in the garden, and my daughter was there.

She had her hair done, and she had a candy bag. She was also wearing the costume. So, in my anger, I called the police before speaking to anyone, and once I got off the call, I called both of them every insult under the sun in multiple languages. When the police arrived and I spoke to them, we left.

Today at school, her teacher was very short with me and said there was no need for that as Morton volunteers for the children's football club. Having a police report filed on him was not the wisest of choices.

She explained that if I wasn't happy I should have asked for a mediation appointment at the school instead of embarassing Astrid and Morton in front of everyone. She also mentioned that it was her who helped my daughter change into the costume and it's not unusual for teachers to help their students change here (that part is partially true for this country).

She said Astrid has been grieving and her behavior is normal for someone who lost so many children one after the other, and not to make it harder on her as people have gossiped quite a bit about it. She said they didn't know they had crossed a line and it wouldn't happen again, so just drop the complaint at the police.

On Friday I have to make a full statement at the police station. She wants me to cancel it as Astrid and Morton are not bad people and she thinks I should be glad someone else thinks this highly of my daughter. She wasn't harmed and she sees no reason for me being angry as the children all play in each others garden anyway.

She said not to blow things out of proportion as at no point was my daughter alone with Morton. AITAH for calling the police instead of mediation at the school as the first step because it was from a place of love and greif that they did this?

OP provided an update:

We filed a report at the police station, and basically, we were dismissed. We had two female officers on the first day, but a male police officer came in and offered us some water, tried to do small talk. He is the ex of my daughter's teacher and told us as much. We had to do the report over two days as on the first day my daughter was too tired to relay all the details.

On the second appointment, we had the two female police officers, and her ex also joined us. It seemed like he had already talked to her teacher about it, but he denied it when I confronted him about it, citing confidentiality. I was told they would have a word with Astrid and Morton, but I doubt they took it seriously as all three kind of defended their actions. Wanting to know why I wouldn't let my daughter go to a party.

When we got home, we had a knock on the door in the evening, and it was Astrid and Morton. I didn't open the door. On Saturday the 11th while my daughter was playing in the garden with my next-door neighbor's children, she said Astrid was taking pictures of her from across the street.

On Sunday they came by again and kept knocking on the door, they said they knew I was inside and that they wanted to talk. I didn't open the door. I phoned the police, and they said if they become violent, call back. In the meantime, just open the door and tell them you don't want to talk to them.

I didn't, and they left. They left a message in my postbox. It was a long message about how they felt connected to my daughter and how I should take better care of her. How they know what it feels like to lose a child and that they only want what is best for her.

On the 15th, I kept my daughter from school as she said that Astrid's son kept teasing her. Instead, I spoke to the principal about the matter and explained that I needed this absence validated. I took my daughter to the store, and I think maybe I was followed because not five minutes had gone by when Astrid walked in and "bumped" into me by the dairy section.

She apologized and blocked me in with her cart because I tried to get away. She started talking to my daughter and tried to stroke my baby's hair. So, I screamed. That made her walk away from me.

The day after, I found another note in my postbox telling me not to be so hysterical, and I have that saved. I phoned my husband to come home or find a reason to get home ASAP. On the 18th, both Astrid and Morton confronted me in the park and wanted to know why I was keeping Julestjerne away from them due to a misunderstanding.

I told them politely (Morton is a big guy and I am not as strong as him) that my husband was home (I lied). They walked away. I phoned the police and gave them the latest evidence on the harassment, but they said they would have a word with the two.

On Monday, I attended a meeting with the principal and the teacher where she apologized, but she made it out that it was a misunderstanding. The principal was very nice and told the teacher to back off sternly and not to mix her professional life and private life.

Astrid and Morton came by my house that evening, and while I was attending to the laundry in the basement, they were talking to my girl in the garden, and she let slip that her dad wasn't home yet. They gave her some cookies, but she threw them in the outside bin while they watched on.

On Tuesday, they confronted us on the way to school and asked me why I lied about my husband; luckily I wasn't alone and one of the neighbor's on my street told them to back off. On the way back from picking her up at the end of the day, we took a taxi home. In the evening, they were banging on my door again, and they had their sons with them. I called the police, but they only arrived after they had left.

I discussed it with my husband on the phone, and he managed to get three days off, but he won't be home before this weekend as his workplace didn't see it as an emergency until yesterday's incident.

Yesterday they came by again while we were in the park. I was preoccupied with my son, and I noticed a tap on my shoulder. It was Morton holding my daughter, and he said I should take better care of her as she might walk into the road while my attention is elsewhere. He made it out as if she had run into the street, but my daughter denied it.

I grabbed her and the other children and left and packed some stuff. I asked my next door to collect my post and hold onto it while I booked a hotel. She informed me that the post office will do it for free for 14 days, but that she will look out for my house and note if they come by again. Words gone round that they are being a bit weird about my daughter.

I have been staying in this hotel since, and my husband is arranging a ticket for us to visit my parents before the Christmas holidays. At this point, I don't want to stay here anymore, and my husband will have to ask for a transfer. I spoke to the principal, and she said she would check in on my daughter in the morning and keep her at pick-up time, and I can pick her up from the office.

I haven't told the principal about our moving plans just in case she mentions it to another teacher, and it gets back to Astrid's friend. I hate lying, but feel that if I don't, it may put us at risk. One of my neighbors on the other side of the street said both Astrid and Morton have mentioned that they suspect that I neglect my child and that they tried to insinuate that maybe I was too overwhelmed with four little ones while my husband was offshore.

She told them I wasn't, and they have now moved onto another neighbor trying to badmouth me. It seems like they are recruiting witnesses/helpers. So, my neighbor said it's best to keep documentation in case they call CPS on us, and to get a copy and confirmation from the police that there is bad blood between us. My husband can deal with the paperwork and the aftermath.

OP provided one final update:

I am at my parents'. We are all safe now. My husband will be joining us in the new year once he sorts out his new assignment. I won't say what country we are in now, as my husband mentioned that Astrid came by the house under the guise of giving us Christmas cookies two days ago, wondering why my daughter hadn't been at school. He told her politely to leave.

Before leaving, I only told the principal and not her teacher. The principal understood and said it was her responsibility to relay that information to the class and the teacher.

Today, she was at our place again, asking him where she was, as the principal told the class that my daughter was sad to leave them but we had moved (no other details given). She made her school friends drawings that were given to them.

Sad as it is, I don't want her to contact her friends in case they say something to the wrong person. My daughter will make new friends, and hopefully, she won't miss her Norwegian friends too much.

I did tell two of my closest neighbors on the day I was leaving, but they were always on friendly terms with me, and they were on my side all along. To be honest, I don't know where my husband might get sent next. For now, we are all safe.

OP responded to some comments:

aliencupcake says:

It's disturbing that the community is ignoring how the couple is mourning their daughters' deaths in an extremely unhealthy way. A plan to kidnap their son's "twin" seems extremely likely with the best case scenario being them inserting themselves as co-parents and the worst case scenario would be fostering/adopting her after framing you for neglect.

OP responded:

I am glad that I am no longer there. The country is beautiful and the last time we lived in Norway was amazing. As for the coparenting thing. My husband told me that the CPS left a message with him that they hade recieved a bekymringsmelding (Notice of Concern as per Deepl). I managed to get out just in time.

I didn't post this information as I only had a suspicion and didn't have all the details. My ex next door neighbor said that Astrid and Morton have been fosterparents in the past (prior to me moving there). Which is why she told them she thought I was an excellent mother when they tried to make it out that I was overwhelmed.

They had a girl placed with them a few years ago, but for some reason it was a short term placement. My ex neighbour said that child look Pakistani/Indian and she thinks maybe they ended it themselves as she didn't look a certain way. This is all speculation as she doesn't know why it ended.

Dragan_Rose says:

This needs to be higher. And if you or someone you know and trust knows how to alter the location metadata, send your harassers on a global wild goose chase.

OP responded:

I might just do that as the CPS left a messsage with my husband. They received a bekymringsmelding (Notice of Concern as per Deepl) about my children. Seems them trying to make me seem like an overworked and overwhelmed mother had an endgame.

KiyoMizu says:

These people are scary. Did you get any details on what specifically they said to cps? They should have reports filed against them w cps as surely they are a danger to children! Thank goodness you were able to leave the country. Make sure you continue to keep records of their behavior as there’s no telling how far they will go.

OP responded:

Yes, the CPS in Norway has to inform you who made the report and what the reason is in majority of cases. My husband their reason for reporting was: "overwhelmed mother neglectful of oldest daughter and leaving the baby alone in the park in a pram" (I have not once left my baby alone in the park, not even in our own garden like most Norwegians do).

"Child missing too many days off school" (the principal was aware of this), "children looking unkempt and unwashed" (never happened), "adult third party saying oldest girl being hit by mother at home" (I don't know who this third party is that has already agreed to lie on their behalf and there weren't any visitors in my house so don't know who is pretending I invited them over only to make them witness me hitting my child).

"Their son telling them that my daughter told him at school that I hit her, yanked her hair and made her skip food every other day" (my daughter denies this as she and her friends avoided him due to him calling her his twin).

"Mother seems to be struggling with depression as she too is unkempt, looks like she has lost a lot of weight and husband might be abusing her" (well considering that my husband was offshore I don't know how they were thinking of making that stick as that can be easily be disproved with his work travel receipts), "baby also looks malnourished" (no, baby is in the healthy percentile for age and gender weight).

Considering that I have other children it's strange that they are fixating on the two blonde grey eyed ones and not the ginger one with blue eyes or my boy who is also very blonde and grey eyed like my husband. I am so happy I got away.

My husband explained our side and told them they could check out his travel itinerary. Provided details of the principal and a copy of the police report and a rundown of what had happened between us.

The CPS ladies that visited still wanted to see the children, but my husband declined saying they had left Norway for good and were not Norwegian citizens. They said they would get back to him. I am little scared they might find out where we are as one of them has the same last name as Morton with a slight spelling variation even though it's a common name.

What do you think? Was OP in the right to move away from her home to protect her child?