'WIBTA if I cancelled my friend's baby shower because one mom wants to bring kids?' UPDATED
"WIBTA if I cancelled my friend's baby shower because one mom wants to bring kids?"
So my bf and I (F31) are both strictly child-free, while I tolerate screaming children politely, I don’t ever want to be close to one if I don’t have to (like going to a playground and expecting it to be peaceful). I avoid kids because I simply don’t like them.
My good friend Eva is pregnant and we’ve been friends for over 10 years, she’s visiting me in a couple of months and will be staying over. My other friend Valerie (we all went to college together ) suggested we throw Eva a small baby shower because we hadn’t seen her since the pregnancy announcement.
I happily agreed but due to budgeting, we decided to do it either at mine or Val’s place. We can’t do it at a park as we live in a city where it’s rather cold and the weather is unpredictable, plus I have no idea what the weather will be like in a few months.
After briefly letting Eva know we may throw a small baby shower she asked if her friend Natalie could also come (we know Natalie but aren’t close). Eva hasn’t seen Nat in a while and as she’s from outta town, she wanted to see Nat too. I didn’t initially mind this until Eva mentioned that Natalie has a toddler of 4 and a baby of around 1.
Natalie will most likely need to bring the babies as she struggles with finding a sitter, especially on weekends. Valerie immediately said she doesn’t want babies at her place and she knows how I feel about kids. I don’t want to tell Natalie she can’t come, so will I be an AH if I just cancel the shower? It wasn’t really confirmed but I can always have a nice dinner party for Eva.
Here's what people had to say to OP:
It sounds like a small group. OP should book a corner table at a restaurant and have the shower there. She won’t have to worry about baby proofing or stains. YWBTA if you cancel. NTA if you change the venue to someplace other than your home.
If someone doesn't want babies in their apartment that's their right. NTA
Lol at this logic! YTA op. She never should have agreed to throw this baby shower in the first place
Attending an event where there are children is one thing. Hosting them in your home is quite another. I know I'd be extremely alarmed if someone said they were bringing a small child to my home because the place is utterly unfit for a child -- lots of things on which a child could injure themselves, beige sofas, and breakable items.
I'd practically have to move out in order to 'baby proof' the main rooms and protect my fragile/stainable things. NTA
Um. Yeah, kinda. YTA. Being child-free as a couple doesn’t really work as a get-out clause to drop plans the moment a kid is in the general vicinity. It’s not like they asked you to put up a bouncy castle and invite the local school.
Are you gonna flee from family gatherings or bring pepper spray if there’s a flower girl at a wedding? It just seems a bit extreme. I’d get it if the kids had a rep for being destructive, but can’t see that mentioned
Is op just planning to drop this friend in a few months anyway..how does op plan on being friends with this new mom but never be around a small child? YTA
OP, I don’t think childfree means what you think it means. It means you will choose not to birth and raise children, not that you are entitled to ensure that you are never around children, ever. YTA
OP added an update:
I’ve told Eva that my house isn’t childproofed and nat is welcome if she can’t find a sitter. I agree canceling the whole thing was a bit much. I also think I worded it wrong and simply called a small gathering a baby shower by mistake which Eva knows.
I said it would just be the 3 of us and another friend, so 4 total. Also to clarify, where I’m from we have a lot of baby showers without babies or kids attending so I didn’t think that would happen plus the initial guest list was a small gathering with no kids.