'AITA for canceling our anniversary trip because my husband drowned my terrarium?'
'AITA for canceling our anniversary trip because my husband drowned my terrarium?'
Tiny-Pen-2289 writes:
I (29f) traveled across the country to visit a company regarding an incredible job offer. I spent two days touring the company to decide if it would be the right fit for me after years of self-employment.
After meeting with the company, I visited my sister (32f) and her family a few towns over. We barely get to see each other because of work and distance, so it was wonderful to spend a few days with her, her family, and her new baby. I was gone for a total of 8 days.
When I returned home, I was excited to spend time with my husband (33m) and tell him about the trip, my visit with my sister, my impression of the city, etc. We were meant to be celebrating our anniversary and decided to put off the discussion about whether or not I should accept the job offer until after our anniversary getaway.
I had arranged for us to go on a luxury train ride because he's a big train enthusiast, and we were meant to leave for the trip three days after I got home. This is when the problem started.
I have a very large closed bioactive terrarium that I made with my mother 15 years ago. It's one of my favorite possessions from before she passed. This terrarium is my pride and joy and has come with me everywhere since we planted it. It was always super healthy and beautiful, and I've only ever had to open it four times to do a little maintenance and watering.
My husband knows all of this, which is why I don't understand why he decided to tamper with it in my absence. I didn't notice the night I got home because I was exhausted, but the next morning, I went to check on the terrarium to find it in a terrible state. The roots were rotting, and the plants were dying and molding.
He told me that the day I left, he poured a few cups of water into the vessel and sealed it again. I was so mad I cried, and it turned into a huge argument because he said, "it's just a plant" and "all you do is look at it anyway."
He called me ungrateful and overdramatic, and said that I should appreciate that his intention was to help me, and that he didn't ask because he didn't want to bother me on my trip.
I ended up canceling our anniversary plans, partly because I was so upset that I didn't want to go, and partly because I wanted to try and salvage the plants, which would require time. He hit the roof when I told him and is now sleeping in a separate room and refusing to speak to me because, according to him, I'm being petty and trying to destroy our marriage.
Am I being oversensitive about my plants? My friends are pretty evenly split and have pointed out that he was just trying to be thoughtful, however misguided it was.
OP responded to some comments:
deathandtaxes2023 says:
NTA (Not the A%^#ole) - and I doubt your husband was trying to help. Firstly, if you have only opened it a few times then he knows it doesn't get watered that often. Secondly, he knows how much it means to you, so should know that you would have taken care of it before you went or would have left very detailed instructions.
Also, how big is it - would a few cups of water been way too much even if he was just being helpful. The 'you just look at it' comment is also strange - that's what everyone does with their plants.
OP responded:
I've literally never had to open it or water it in the time we've been together, and even when I did water it in the past, its has never required more than a few tablespoons of water. I've talked about it before but he clearly forgot.
Only-Ingenuity7889 says:
Is your taking this job going to necessitate a move that he's unhappy about? Or change the balance of who the primary bread winner is? This seems like a tantrum, followed by gaslighting. NTA.
OP says:
I'm already the primary breadwinner, so I don't think that's it. It would mean a lot more income for the family though, which is a good thing for both of us. Yes, it would mean moving, but I wouldn't take the job if he's not comfortable with it.
1962Michael says:
NTA. He definitely sabotaged the terrarium. It makes ZERO SENSE that he would water an ordinary houseplant, let alone a terrarium, ON THE DAY that you left for a trip. He was NOT "trying to help."
Our houseplants are my wife's to deal with, and I wouldn't water them unless she asked me to. I'm assuming you have NEVER asked him to touch your terrarium since you've known him. His defense "it's only a plant" gives it away.
My guess is that he has never liked this terrarium, and has just been waiting for the chance to get rid of it. Imagine if he had an old recliner from college that he hauled from place to place, and you wanted it gone. If that's not the reason, then he may be wanting to start a fight for deeper reasons in your marriage.
All that said, it was wrong of you to cancel the trip without discussing it with him. Obviously if he went on your anniversary trip without you it would be the last anniversary, but it should be up to him to agree. Wrong, but not on the level of AH.
Wonderful_Newt_8393 says:
NTA - if you've only opened it 4 times in 15 years and have never asked him to care for it at all, it's incredibly suspicious he would do any kind of "maintenance." And to do so on the day you left? When he knows how important it is and that it's a memory of your deceased mother? But he's mad at YOU? Not okay.
What do you think? Was OP wrong to cancel her anniversary plans?