Woman makes friend regret 'firing' her from bridal party by canceling her bachelorette. AITA?

My best friend fired me from her wedding so I canceled her bacherlorette party.

Firm_Tomatillo_6320 writes:

"I am a full-time student, so I am currently living off student loans and working limited hours outside of school. I have already spent around $1,000 on my best friend's wedding. This includes $350 for the bridesmaid's dress, $350 for the flight home to attend the wedding (as I am away for school), and about $100 on the gift I sent for her bridal shower.

The Maid of Honor (MOH) is currently very pregnant and having a rough time. She asked me to plan the bachelorette party, and I agreed. I planned it perfectly and kept it a surprise. I messaged the other girls the plan, and when they all agreed, I went ahead and booked my idea.

I spent an additional $400 on a limo for bar hopping (the bride loves bar hopping), and I booked a $700 AirBnB for us to crash in afterwards. As of now, the other bridesmaids have not contributed, so this was out of pocket, but they said they would pay me back later.

About a month later, I and two other girls were removed from the bridal party group chat, along with a paragraph from the bride stating that we were no longer invited because we weren't "honoring her wishes."

When asked, she didn't explain what she meant or what we had done wrong. Two days later, she added us back to the chat, apologized, citing stress, and we all talked it out and made up.

Yesterday, the same thing happened, except this time I was the only one removed with a paragraph criticizing me, stating that I'm not respecting her or her wishes, and that she wishes she never invited me or asked me to be a bridesmaid. When asked what happened or what I did wrong, again, there was no response.

Today, she messaged me apologizing, saying she's sorry for lashing out, and that she would like me there but not as a bridesmaid because it would make her "uncomfortable." She also said I'm not allowed to wear the dress I had already bought as it's a bridesmaid's dress.

I respectfully declined, explaining that I couldn't afford another dress, having already spent too much on this wedding, and that I didn't want to make her uncomfortable on her big day. She then lashed out, telling me to take more from my student loans to buy a second dress.

With that, I went and canceled the AirBnB and the limo. I told the other bridesmaids what had happened, and they agreed it was fair. One of them must have told the bride about the secret bachelorette party, as she messaged me telling me I'm an a#%hole and I've ruined her entire wedding.

As she now doesn't have time to book a new bachelorette party, and neither she nor any of the other bridesmaids have the money or savings to book anything. I also managed to get a refund for my flight, so really, I'm only out about $450 for a wedding I'm no longer invited to. AITA?

OP added more in the comments:

Tiny_Shelter440 asked:

Something is missing here that kept you hanging in there in the first place. Has anyone ever told you what she meant by ‘respecting her wishes’ or her being ‘uncomfortable’? When you ‘all talked about it’ the first time did anything make sense?

Nevertheless NTA (Not the A^#hole). Why is she comfortable spending your money on her party? Why are the others still comfortable being in her party?

OP responded:

Ah yes, I did not include this part, sorry! My bad. So the first time she messaged us, she didn't tell us nor explain what we were doing wrong. When we first all discussed it, she said she just had a moment of panic and stress took over making her say things she didn't mean.

The most recent time she had told me she'd be uncomfortable due to the fact we had a "fight" (the fight was her just removing me from the group chat and then cussing me out) she never told me what I wasn't respecting her wishes on unfortunately.

I will say she DID know she had a Bachelorette party, but the surprise was what it was going to be. I have spoke to MOH since this post and she has said that bride told her she just didn't know how she felt about a "skinny" girl next to her at the altar.

Prior_Blood_6293 says:

NTA. What I find amusing is that you planned and organized the bachelorette party (typically for the bride and her bridesmaids, as far as I know), and then, when she removed you as a bridesmaid (which you have every right to respond to), you canceled it.

When she found out, she berated you and called you an a^shole for not continuing to fund her party, even though you wouldn't even attend or participate. I'm sorry that this happened; she seems like an entitled snob, and it sounds like you dodged a bullet there.

Robbes_Watch says:

NTA. It's surprising that your other friends couldn't provide insight into what led the bride to change her mind about you, especially since you seem unaware despite asking. It's very odd; let us know if you discover the backstory.

Anyone suggesting you use your student loan money for her wedding is incredibly self-centered and doesn't sound like a friend. Moreover, she seems ignorant about financial responsibilities like borrowing money and paying bills. It's time to move on to better friends.

Additionally, it's essential to learn to live within your means. Currently, you're in school and budgeting. In such situations, be honest and express that you'd love to contribute extra for the trip/AirBnB/wedding gift, but "x" amount exceeds your budget at the moment. There's nothing to be ashamed of. Real friends will understand and do their best to accommodate you.

Nervous_Routine_870 says:

NTA. So far, you have done the most work and invested the most in the party (since they didn't pay you back). It seems like the bride is going back and forth with little respect for everything you've done.

If you're no longer in the bridal party and not even attending the wedding, you should seek a refund for whatever you can. You should not be paying for something you won't even be attending.

What do you think? Was OP right to cancel her friend's bachelorette party?