Woman demands husband spend $70K on their wedding. AITA?
"AITA for expecting my husband to spend $70k on our wedding?"
My boyfriend and I have been dating for just over a year now and he is waiting for me to finish nursing school to propose.
We’ve both agreed on 2027 for the year of the wedding (I understand this may sound like the delusional woman who has not even yet been proposed to getting ahead of herself, but trust me, he brought up proposal unprovoked and has consistently gone out of his way to fly to meet my parents and family on numerous occasions.
We are also of an age (25) where we are certain on what we want).
We are usually good at seeing each others perspectives on most things, but recently there has been one big quarrel. He makes in the ballpark of $110k and I will make $80k+ doing crazy overtime when I graduate this year (I don’t mind working 48+ hour weeks).
I have told him since we’ve met about how I’ve dreamed of my wedding since I was like 5. It’s something really important to me. We have priced out the wedding item by item and the cheapest it could be is $70k (we culturally require 2 weddings, and if you know anything about weddings right now, this is quite budget for 2 weddings of 200 people in Canada right now).
He is now insisting that he doesn’t want to spend $70k on one day. I have told him that I am aiming to put $30k towards the wedding and that if he could bring $40k, that would be perfect (based on our salaries). He says he would rather put down a deposit on a house. I say we can do both.
If we have the wedding in 2027 and purchase a home in 2028, I believe that our salaries would afford both. Our province is also known for being more affordable compared to others and he has been working stable jobs for 3 years now. AITA?
He is now insisting that he doesn’t want to spend $70k on one day. He says he would rather put down a deposit on a house.
Let's see what readers thought:
craem writes:
YTA. The fact that he insist he does not want to spend that much money and he gave a reason why but you still expect him to spend it is crazy.
I mean truthfully if this wedding is something you expect then find someone who share the same vision as you. Don't try to force him to do something he doesn't want to do.
forantt writes:
Absolutely ridiculous waste of money. You’re not a Kardashian with bottomless pockets to blow that type of cash on a wedding.
I suspect that if you push him to do it there will be no wedding. YTA.
fortuaaa writes:
NTA - how else will people know that you got married. I mean you’re doing it on the cheap, and that’s commendable. Double down and insist now the wedding costs have gone up to 150k, and get him to pay up. If he doesn’t, just move on and find someone else who will pay up
vaseet writes:
NTA. Just kidding. You say you want to marry this guy, but the way you want to start your life together is by guilting him into a crippling financial burden to pay for a couple of parties. You aren't just the asshole, you're a wheelbarrow full of assholes.
whitecatconfs writes:
You might be caught up in unhinged modern wedding culture. People used to get married in church basements and have a potluck dinner. Today, the average cost of a wedding is like 30k, and you feel the need to double that.
Your wedding is supposed to be a fun and special day for both you and your husband. It doesn't have to be extravagant and glamorous. You should find somewhere in the middle where you both enjoy the day.
Do you think your husband will remember it fondly if you force him? Or worse, if you complain and make it known that the amount he's willing to spend isn't good enough? YTA.