Woman doesn't want to adjust lifestyle to accommodate BF's dietary restrictions. AITA?
"WIBTA if I refused to adjust my diet for my boyfriend?"
My boyfriend, let's call him Jerry, is gluten intolerant. Jerry has severe digestive pain and problems if he consumes any gluten, though very slight contamination is generally ok. His family, who he lives with, eats glutenous foods all the time and he seems to have no problem with that.
Right now we are long distance, but we have visited each other a few times a year. I am not gluten intolerant. I love eating bread, cake, cereal, noodles and other glutenous foods.
My culture's dishes contain A LOT of gluten. I have ZERO expectation that he eat any of this. When I visited I kept any glutenous foods separate from anything he would eat.
All of that food was separately packaged and I thoroughly cleaned any utensils and dishes I used. I didn't use anything that couldn't be washed or thrown away when handling glutenous food.
Recently, we were discussing potentially moving in together. Jerry said we would both have a gluten free diet. I said that I didn't agree to that and want to continue eating my favorite foods. He got upset and said that contamination was a concern, so he wanted an entirely gluten-free household.
I told him that I would adhere to strict cleaning and separation, but I wanted to be able to keep eating what I liked, and it's unfair to expect me to adhere to his dietary restrictions, especially if there have been no problems with me eating gluten when visiting or with his parents eating gluten.
I also took issue with him just deciding what I would be eating for the rest of my life without even discussing it with me first.
That being said, I could be TA. I know that dietary restrictions can be very serious, as well as allergies. I have already given up banana-scented products due to him being allergic to them.
So, WIBTA if I refused to go gluten-free for the rest of my life? Edit: Also, might be pertinent that he terms it as "torture" to see me eating the foods he can't.
Let's see what readers thought:
NTA for refusing to eat fully gluten-free.
Generally... Glutenfree household shouldn't necessarily mean you never eat gluten - just that you don't bring gluten-containing things home.
However... it's unacceptable for him to decide things for you. You mention visiting your long-distance boyfriend a few times a year. Is he the same person from your 5 months ago post who complained about what type of pads you use? Just some food for thought.
Either way, if you want to move in together, being on the same page about gluten regarding your shared household will be super important.
Not just reaching a decision where one of you begrudgingly says "fine, we'll do it this way" and resents the outcome. Actually being on the same page. Because if you don't, it's going to put a lot of strain on your relationship.
notry09 writes:
NTA- At all. Not even a little bit. "Jerry," needs to stop being controlling and take care of his own issues. Big red flag that he just decided to tell you what you were going to eat.
If anything he should be more willing to work around his own eating disorder than to force you to go without certain kinds of food, be a big boy and take accountability and all that. It's his damn problem, you're being nice enough to put in allot of extra work around it.
outrageous7 writes:
NTA- At all. Not even a little bit. "Jerry," needs to stop being controlling and take care of his own issues. Big red flag that he just decided to tell you what you were going to eat.
If anything he should be more willing to work around his own eating disorder than to force you to go without certain kinds of food, be a big boy and take accountability and all that. It's his damn problem, you're being nice enough to put in allot of extra work around it.
opentasta writes:
NTA - my husband of 10 years has celiac disease and any time he accidentally eats something with the slightest amount of gluten he is sick for like 2 days! He has to get a colonoscopy every year because of celiac.
It really sucks. However, he has never expected me to go GF too. In fact, unless you have celiac or gluten sensitivity, it is actually recommended to NOT strictly adhere to a GF diet.
Certain things I’ll eat GF only when at home because groceries are too damn expensive and we both hate to cook so we won’t be making 2 separate dinners.
But he has never and would never expect me to stop eating pizza, bread, bagels or anything else I like to indulge in because lets be honest, he knows his GF bread tastes like sand and why should I have to suffer with him?
If I want certain foods or snacks that contain gluten, I will buy it and he will avoid it. It’s really that simple! Also, celiac isn’t like having a nut allergy. If your bf touches some bread he wont have an allergy attack. He just needs to make sure he doesn’t digest it which isn’t hard. Just keep separate cutting boards, utensils etc and he will be perfectly fine.
Sorry but your bf is being a total AH and this seems like its more about control than anything else!