'AITA for asking my friend to pay for her dog’s vet fees, even if it was my fault?'

"AITA for asking my friend to pay for her dog’s vet fees, even if it was my fault?"

My friend (F24) left me her dog, Parmesan, 7 months ago. She was accepted in a learning program 2 hours from her home. Housing is hellish there and the only place she found was an apartment-share that didn’t allow pets.

She asked me, almost begged me to take Parmesan with me until she found something better. She helped me out in the past, so I agreed to take him in for free.

One thing led to another and I ended up agreeing to take care of him until she graduated (this is a 1 year learning program). Some rules were made, one of them being: I’d pay for the dog food, but any grooming or medical bills were for her.

About Parmesan: he’s a sweetheart, but also an idiot who eats everything he finds (plastic wraps included). He also has some ear problems that require a lot of care. One month ago, I got distracted by some chores and forgot to put one of my bags of groceries away.

I realized too late that the dog had rummaged through it. He had eaten some bread with the paper wrap, and almost half a bunch of grapes! No need to say, I freaked out!

I don’t know if there's any Parisian reading this, but if you recently saw a girl running through the sub with a French Bouledogue in her arms and vomit all over her shirt, that was probably me.

Parmesan stayed at the vet for 2 days. I called my friend to tell her what happened, and kept her updated with her dog’s situation. I took a few days from work and worked from home the rest of the week so I could watch over the dog. Thank God, he got better.

After he fully recovered, I told my friend about the vet fees (600€). She asked if I was kidding. I told her no. She started screaming and told me I had some nerve to ask her for money after I almost killed her dog. That when she agreed about covering vet fees, she meant for his ear problems, not for things that were obviously my fault.

Look, I feel horrible for what happened. I know I should have been more careful. But I can’t afford this bill at all. I offered to cover for 25% of it. No answer. I proposed her to pay in installments. No answer. I went once to her apartment. Her roommate told me she wasn’t home and agreed to give her my message. No answer.

After a month, I lost it and texted her: "Keep ghosting me and I’ll tie your dog in front of your apartment’s door then freaking leave. Pets allowed or not, I don’t care! I’m out."

This was an empty threat. I wouldn’t do that to Parmesan. I just wanted her to finally answer her phone. But she still hasn’t nor did she visit her dog since the incident. AITA?

EDIT:

I felt entitled to ask because I had said yes to a few weeks at first, not a whole year. The first months were basically me asking her every week "So, found a place?" and her answering "not yet."

Then she just said that it'd be way simpler that way and I agreed because, yeah, I grew a bit attached to him, but also: what else was I supposed to do? This is also the first time I’m asking her anything in 8 months. But maybe you’re right, it was a bit insensitive.

Here's what top commenters had to say about this one:

slap-a-frap said:

Sorry, OP YTA on this one. He’s a sweetheart but also an idiot who eats everything he finds. You already know how he is before you took on caring for him. I got distracted by some chores and forgot to put one of my bags of groceries away.

That's on you. Especially when you are buying things that are poisonous to dogs(grapes). Just because you got distracted does not mean that you are not responsible.

You f'd up, OP. All of this is you trying to get out of your responsibility. The dog had to go to the vet because of your actions and no one else's. Full Stop.

ieya404 said:

NTA - accidents (which this clearly was) will happen, and my WORD has she saved in not having to pay for seven months (so far) of kennel fees. Or food. Something tells me she hasn't been working too hard on finding a different place to stay when her dog has free accommodation too.

Honestly, when she's ignoring you this hard for this long, I'd be very tempted to give her one last chance to get in touch, with the clear message that if she doesn't, she can collect Parmesan from the nearest no-kill dog shelter - assuming she gets there before he's rehomed with a new owner who actually cares...

HoneyBadger302 said:

NTA. You're caring and feeding her dog FOR FREE. It is not your dog, and you have no right to ownership per your (verbal it sounds like) agreements. Just like when you board a horse at a stable, you as the owner are responsible for the vet bills. At least here in the US, it would have to be almost purposeful injury by the boarding facility for the owner to not be responsible for the bills.

You made a mistake, and are paying for a share of the costs, which is more than fair IMO. She is saving a TON of money by you caring for and feeding the dog for free. If she didn't want to risk human error, then she should have boarded him at a formal boarding/care facility - and good luck paying for that for a year.

quantumspork said:

NTA. She is getting a year of free dog food and free dog care. That is worth thousands of euro. Accidents happen, and as a dog owner she needs to be willing to take care of this.

She should pay the entire bill, and your offer of 25% is very, very generous. You have been more than patient, and I would be very tempted to drop the dog off at the shelter.

RiverProfessional592 said:

Why is she not paying for his food if it's her dog?! Bill her for all the food you've bought.

Ptitecame said:

NTA if you were providing her with a paid service then you should be financially responsible for your negligence, but you’re doing this for free between friends, already she’s probably saved 600 on not buying food for a year. Not to mention you’ve offered solutions to help pay which she just ignores, on top of essentially abandoning her own dog.

Time-Tie-231 said:

NTA. You have done her a massive favour by housing and caring for her dog. It is not your fault that the dog behaves like this. Yes it was a mistake but it was a completely innocent one. You had an agreement.

It's a shame that you have some attachment to the dog because I would threaten her for all I was worth -with selling the dog to recover the fee or acting on your suggestion.

You have gone above and beyond the agreement, she is reneging on her side of the arrangement and she is a mean ungrateful person. She has shown that she is undeserving of your kindness and tolerance. IMO set a time limit on her paying the total amount and if she doesn't, return the dog.

While the opinions were fairly divided here, most people agreed that OP isn't wrong to demand the money back for the vet bills. Clearly these friends need to discuss their arrangement with the dog further going forward, but what's your advice for these furry friend co-parents?