Woman downsizes vacation rental; 'What was I supposed to do?! This is FINANCIAL ABUSE.' AITA?

When this woman isn't sure if she was rude to her friends or not, she asks the internet:

"AITA for unilaterally downsizing our vacation rental after I felt financially abused?"

(F)A group of twelve of us were going in a vacation together this summer. Everyone was supposed to give me money so I could rent a huge house where we were going.

When I tried to collect a few people paid immediately but some said the would get me later or ignored me. IMO this is financial abuse.

The house we were originally going to rent got scooped up by someone else because I didn't put a deposit down.

I found another house with similar amenities but it would only sleep like eight. I booked it. Since that was the money I had.

In the next weeks the other four people said they were ready to pay. I told them that the house we had looked at was gone. But that we had rented a smaller house and we could get some inflatable mattresses or something for them.

They said if they were paying full price they wanted a room. I said okay we are all paying full price. So we all deserve a room. However there aren't that many rooms to go around.

Two cancelled and two got a room together at a hotel about 30 minutes away from the house. All of them are upset that I changed the plans without consulting with them. The other seven are happy with the arrangements. AITA?

Let's see what readers thought:

caannabit writes:

YTA. I spent years organizing group trips for thousands of people and you don’t organize to plan one of these things this way. It just creates enemies for no reason. Either you trust the people you’re collecting money from or you don’t.

It sounds like you don’t trust them, so you waited until everyone paid before finalizing accommodations. That doesn’t make you TA though. you’re TA because you sold people one vacation and price and then Bait and switched them with a shittier worse vacation. It will be shitty for all of you now.

When the other property wasn’t available and only smaller properties were FOR THE SAME PRICE that’s time to talk to the group before putting down a deposit.

If I was one of the 8 who paid ahead of time and found out later my same money was being used to get smaller more cramped accommodations for all of us, I’d demand a refund and refuse to go.

drcue writes:

ESH (except the people who paid you in a timely manner).

YTA because you should have given the other 4 people a warning that this was what you were going to do before you did it or offered to charge them less if they wanted to sleep on an inflatable mattress (I’m assuming the new house was cheaper than the first one since it sleeps 4 less people).

Instead you decided to punish your ‘friends’. They should have paid you when you asked or given you a firm date that they had to pay by.

brennanop writes:

ESH OP only sucks a little because the end behavior was justified but the communication was passive aggressive and not the best way to go.

All OP had to do was send out one more group email saying 8 people had paid, 4 had not, the group had lost the 12 person house because OP couldn't book it until everyone had paid and that everyone had til the end of the day to send $$.

After that, OP would book a place for however many people had already paid and the rest could make other arrangements or camp in the living room.

Yes, they could have communicated why they hadn't pay and when they would but it goes both ways. Next time start off with telling everyone you need payment upfront by X day before you're book.

sbubuildiner writes:

NTA. Unless you specified that it was a done deal when you originally told people how much they would owe, they should have assumed you needed their payment up front.

Maybe specify that next time or make a deadline. OR make someone else be is charge and put THEIR money on the line.

danaperrr writes:

NAH. In my friend groups, whomever is organizing the rental pays the deposit and as long as everyone pays by the date of the trip, its good. We’ve known each other for years and no one has ever flaked or not paid before. I just got back from a trip where I paid my friends my hotel portion on the last day. No big.

Unless there is something missing from the story (like you explicitly told them you weren’t paying a depsit til all funds were collected or gave a firm date that passed), no one is being as asshole, its just a big miscommunication.

They’re allowed to be mad that you changed plans without communicating that and you’re allowed to be mad that they didn’t just pay you sooner. But I don’t see anyone being an ass.

scenenationaaa writes:

ESH. Them for not paying you. But, I dunno, did you lay down any line in the sand saying ' if you do not pay me by x date I will not include you in our plans"? Or did you just keep asking for the money?

Did you let those that ignored your requests know that you were taking their silence as an indicator that they are no longer interested in going and you will book accordingly based on those who have paid?

I know that booking for a large group can get annoying but I don't like that you unilaterally decided on a different option and also didn't make it clear to anyone that the number of rooms was now less, or that you didn't set any clear expectations like " payment is due on X day otherwise I will assume you aren't going to stay with us ".

dontcall writes:

ESH (except the people who paid on time) - being the planner for a big group can be frustrating as hell, but you can't just take other people's money and book something that wasn't agreed on without communicating about it beforehand (and not even afterwards from what it sounds like??).

12 people cramming into a house for 8 downgrades the experience for everyone involved - including the ones who paid on time.

All it took to not be the AH would've been a quick groupchat update à la "The house for 12 is gone & I have only received the money from 8 of you.

As an alternative, I found this house for 8 - please give me a quick feedback asap on how we want to solve this. If I don't hear back by x pm, I'll just go ahead and book it, so we don't end up without any accommodation.".

And to avoid situations like that in the future, set a clear deadline & clear conditions from the get-go. Make it clear that you need x amount by date x - and that everyone who doesn't pay up until that deadline is out & needs to organize their accommodation by themselves.

Communication is key. And not that hard in the age of groupchats.

nofucnt writes:

Nta. You didn’t change the arrangement. They held off paying for so long that you couldn’t get the house you were planning to get. That’s on them, not you. You got the next best thing which I’m sure everyone is in agreement that it’s better than nothing. Well everyone but the ones who don’t understand what a deadline is.

dlnatj30 writes:

There’s a lot of nta’s. But if this happened in my friend group or in my family without explicit communication that you were booking something smaller because you didn’t have everyone’s cash in hand, everyone would be pissed and we would ask you to remove yourself from being the one to plan/reserve.

I realize based on the comments, that a lot of people feel like they can’t trust their friends(in which case, get better friends). It’s fine if you can’t afford to front something, but be fully transparent about it instead of booking something that wasn’t agreed upon.

Yta, not because you didn’t want to front the money, but because you changed group agreed plans without consulting anyone. If the property agreed wasn’t available anymore, you communicate that to everyone instead of booking something else.

Changing plans without consulting people for a regular group trip where everyone is going to pay equally, is not okay.

iressisetance writes:

YTA. You could have set up a WhatsApp group to keep everybody informed, both about the plans changing, places becoming unavailable, deadlines as well as possible alternatives you may be considering. Not to mention the other humans could have submitted suggestions and ideas.

The way you did the whole process is very rigid and old fashioned. No WhatsApp? There's also email/mailing list. Or online shared docs. Gazillion options... As an organiser it is your role to maximise satisfaction, minimise surprises and optimise for most broadly supported outcomes.

diplowmatche writes:

NTA. You'd have been crazy to front the deposit with your own money. All those four would have had to do would be cancel or just not pay, and you'd have been out some significant cash.

If they don't pay, they don't get the bargain lodgings. They always have the option, as two of them took, to arrange their own lodgings.

You didn't change the plans. You got rooms for those who paid you. Getting rooms for those who didn't pay you would set a really bad precedent.

lonelinaisln writes:

NTA. You were absolutely right not to pay the deposit yourself. If everyone had told you ahead of time that they would pay so the house could be booked, and some of them didn't follow up, that's on them.

Making arrangements like this can often be frought with difficulties; some people are as good as their word and the money is right there, on time and in full. Others? Not so much.

They are full of excuses: unexpected expenses, car repair, prices at the grocery store are up, and on and on. Of course if there's a good reason, like someone getting laid off, we can all get that.

My ex and I were active for several years in a fraternal organization and the officers each year would take a retreat to a large beach house that would sleep about 16 people, or more if someone brought an RV or had air mattresses.

It was always clearly understood, though, that if you didn't pay your share by a week before the deposit was due, you were out. The owners would hold it for us for the same week each year, and I think we only had one couple who didn't pay on time. We held them to the agreement, though, and they didn't get to come.

The following year, they paid in promptly and we were glad to have them.

If you don't pay the agreed upon amount at the agreed upon time, then don't get all upset when the opportunity goes away. These people were weeks late in paying you! They expected you to pony up the deposit on your own.

You were right not to do so, of course. Why take that chance that some or all of them wouldn't pay you at all? No one with any sense would have.

It's unfortunate that not all of you are able to be there for the vacation. It sounds like it was a great house and would have been a great opportunity for a good time to be had by all, but a few of them failed to follow through.

You don't pay on time, or the right amount? You snooze, you lose. At least the friends who did pay are going to be there and I'm sure you will have a great time, even if the group isn't going to be as large as originally planned. Enjoy yourselves!