Woman drops SIL from bridal party for posting awful pic of her on Insta. UPDATED 4x.

There's always someone in a wedding party that is there because of their relation to the bride or groom rather than being truly close to them. A future in-law, a cousin, or a best friend's partner is all possible pity wedding party invites.

On a popular Reddit thread in the Am I the A%#hole Subreddit, a woman drops her SIL from her wedding party because of her irritating behavior.

She writes:

I (27F) got engaged to my fiancé (34M) right before covid and, due to the pandemic, have experienced delay after delay. But FINALLY, we have begun planning and are aiming at a mid-May 2024 wedding.

My mother asked me if I could include my SIL in my bridal party because my brother moved several states away after marrying and has expressed feeling isolated without family around. I could understand, so I agreed.

But my SIL has been nothing short of a nightmare. My bridesmaid all assisted in handwriting and sending out our wedding invitations. Still, the ones my SIL helped with all had zero invitations inside and instead was an empty envelope (I know they were hers because everyone had different shades of pink envelopes to go from).

She also took the longest at our makeup and hair consultations, even extending her appointment an hour (to which I was charged— I am covering her expenses as she is a SAHM, and I know things are tight right now) because she could not agree with the stylist on what makeup she wanted.

But the final straw came when I found the dress of my dreams. The only problem was I was 15 pounds too heavy for it, and I bawled my eyes out because I knew this was the dress for me. Everyone was encouraging, and I still had plenty of time to lose 15 pounds and return for a fitting, etc., so I agreed and said yes to the dress.

When I got home that night, I noticed on my SILs Instagram that she had posted a picture to her Instagram of me in the dress, ugly and crying, and I was livid. My fiancé has already seen the Instagram picture, and I am devastated; he was not supposed to see me in the dress until our wedding day, and I know many more people have seen it!

I could not help myself. I called her and exploded, adding that she would not be at my bridal party and had ruined my wedding. My mother has called me and told me that even though she understands I lacked compassion and have severely hurt my SILs feelings. She asked if I could find it in my heart to forgive, but I told her even if I did that, I still would not include her in my party. AITA?

Here are some of the top comments from this post:

Paevatar says:

NTA (Not the A%$hole). I suspect your SIL is jealous and wants to subtly sabotage your wedding -- at least the envelopes and the hair consultation were passive-aggressive.

But posting the photo of you crying while wearing your chosen wedding dress is beyond subtle. This was a real AH stunt. The fact that she hasn't apologized tells me she definitely wants to mess up your wedding.

Good for you for booting her out of the bridal party. You might want to ask one of the bridesmaids to keep an eye on SIL at the wedding and be prepared with a glass of red wine. I wouldn't put it past SIL to wear a lacy white dress. Have a wonderful wedding!

Major_Barnacle_2212 says:

I'm dying to know her excuse for posting a photo of the bride in her dress CRYING on her social media. Bounced from the party was kind. I'd have been tempted to bounce her from the wedding. NTA at all. Equally excited to hear why your mother is defending your SIL.

OP added some updates:

UPDATE: My brother contacted me to apologize on my SILs behalf. He said she posted it thinking the app had a feature where she could post privately. I had never seen this on Instagram or knew it was possible, BUT when I asked why the picture was taken in the first place, he said she just wanted to capture the start of my 'fitting into the dress' journey.

I told my brother she was not getting back into my bridal party, which he understood, but when I mentioned she could not attend my wedding, he stated if that were the case, he could not come either.

UPDATE 2: my brother and SIL did not have a wedding. They were in their third year of college and only married at the courthouse over a summer break. I admit that I do not have a very close relationship with her.

I work longer hours and often am tired afterward, so I go home to relax, especially these last few years. We are cordial whenever we have been together, but we have no real relationship.

UPDATE 3: My brother called me and wanted to have lunch with my mother and SIL. My fiancé demanded to go too so we drove to have lunch with them. It was awkward at first because no one was speaking but then my brother spoke up reiterating to me that my SIL was sorry for posting the picture to Instagram and was hoping we could all move on from this.

When my fiancé heard this, he asked why my SIL was not apologizing to me directly. It became very tense and my brother and fiancé started exchanging pointed words (he referenced my SIL feeling very distraught since a few of my bridesmaids had seen the photo and personally attacked her on Instagram), and even my mom got involved to try and break the rising tension.

My fiancé pointed out that my SIL had yet to directly apologize to me, and that if she didn’t he did not want her at the wedding at all and he didn’t care if my brother was absent or not.

When my mom said we are family and shouldn’t act this way toward each other my fiancé once again insisted that she give me a face-to-face apology. My SIL was very standoffish toward him, but eventually, she apologized to me for what happened. She only said, 'I’m sorry for what happened.'

I felt this was enough, but my fiancé demanded she clarified what happened, take responsibility for it, and apologize the same way my brother did to which it became an argument over whether or not the apology was good enough.

I felt the conversation went nowhere and became redundant and petty and we ended lunch with what felt like no resolution. I talked to my fiancé in the car that I was ok with her apology but he disagrees. He said for the sake of peace I was 'willing to accept less than I deserve.'

I really thought that planning a wedding was going to be stressful but happy if that makes sense, but this whole ordeal has completely exhausted me and turned me off from any further planning.

LAST UPDATE: My SIL finally said that she hates me, and it all stems from me ceasing to loan my brother further money after he borrowed 42k from me over a 2.5y timeframe (with no payment to me whatsoever).

For context, I am in tech, and my fiancé is in solar, so we live fairly comfortably, my SIL is a SAHM, and my brother works at a warehouse. His job alone was sometimes not enough to cover expenses, and he would often come to me to borrow money which I didn’t mind.

But when Covid hit, it became a regular occurrence for me and my mom to be loaning out money to him (I don’t know how much my mother loaned him.) well, after my brother got a steady job with a steady income, I decided to provide him no longer any additional money until he paid down some of his debt to me.

My SIL described my decision as a slap in the face to my brother, making them feel like beggars rather than family. I cannot believe this is why she does not like me. When I told my brother I could no longer loan him the money, he never expressed anger at my decision. It felt like he understood.

What solidified my decision not to include her in my wedding was when she said she could see where the money was going and referenced my weight. I told her she had no respect for me and feels entitled when she had no right to be. I told her that I hoped it didn’t affect my relationship with my niece/nephew but that I did not want to be around her if all she does is spew hatred toward me.

I wished she had been honest before I asked her to be my bridesmaid rather than deciding to put me through hell. I’ve been trying to call my brother and tell him what she said, but he is not picking up. And neither is my mom.