Woman freaks when nephew locks himself in his room; 'My evil stepmom is stealing my dead mom's jewelry.' AITA? CREEPY UPDATE
When this aunt is horrified by her nephew's home life after the death of his mom, she asks the internet:
"I want to rescue my nephew from his evil stepmom. AITA?"
My nephew (Jamie-17M) is in trouble with his dad (my brother) and step mom because he locked himself in his room and left his step sisters (13-9) alone even though he was supposed to watch them.
He’s currently not allowed to drive his car (unless his sisters want to go somewhere), hang out w/friends and my brother even took some of his things (clothes/jewelry that his mother made).
Background info: Jaime’s mother used to design clothes and make jewelry ever since she was a teenager. It wasn’t her job but a hobby and she honestly made some pretty neat stuff.
After she passed, Jaime took the things and even wears the jewelry. He wears some clothes but most of them are for women/girls and he’s too tall for them lmao.
When I asked my brother why in the world he took those things he said his wife (Jaime's stepmom) said if we take the jewelry it will make him understand consequences better or something. He also said he’d give the things back after his punishment was over.
Anyways, my brother told me that his wife gave away most of the things to her friends+family. Some things were even completely ruined by the girls. My nephew's stepmom is claiming that taking the jewelry is punishment for what he did to his stepsisters (her daughters.) Like not taking care of them or something. WTF.
I honestly freaked. Jaime adores his mother’s creations and now he has nothing but maybe two rings and a necklace. Almost twenty years worth of things gone in a month. I was horrified and heartbroken.
My brother basically called me because Jaime has been asking for the things back and he doesn’t know what to do. I told him to f off and texted Jaime immediately and informed him of what happened. He was upset but thankful.
About two hours later my brother showed up at my house. He was in tears and asked me why the hell I did that. He said I didn’t even warn him and now he’s afraid that he won’t be able to fix his relationship with Jaime.
He called me for help to make things right and I didn’t even give him a chance to fix things. I told him that Jaime not talking to him was his own fault and he said that wasn’t the point. He insists I should’ve helped him get the things back. He called me a bi&ch/AH and said he hoped I was happy now.
I don’t think I’m the AH because if it were my things, I’d want to know. Jaime even said he appreciated it. And again, my brother honestly deserves this. But I do see his point and his wife/our parents think I’m in the wrong as well.
Before we give you OP's update, let's take a look at some of the top responses:
bobb7 writes:
YTA, the SIL is also the ah, the brother was misguided but from what you said there was no malice in what he did he was just trying to parent the best that he could.
The SIL is the one that gave the stuff away, (based on this I would say without letting the brother know) the brother was going to give it back, he came to you asking for help and you straight up outted him without giving him a chance to fix things.
He is caught in a terrible situation I would not be surprised if the SIL resented the items cause she would think it's getting in the way of her relationship with the son or it's a reminder that she is the second wife.
The worst ah is definitely the SIL, you are a distant second for betraying your brothers trust, the brother very close for taking something like that in the first place. I don't know enough to say one way or the other for the brother.
Feels like a s situation all around, i understand why you told the son but that will f up the relationship with his father and your relationship with your brother.
alpacapicnic writes:
NTA - Jamie is almost 18. Your brother’s punishment did not in anyway for the “crime” for an almost adult member of the family.
I just have no idea why your brother called you for help “fixing” this. You didn’t punish him. You didn’t come up with the idea for the punishment. You didn’t take his personal items and give them away hither and yon. The person your brother needed to have that conversation with us his wife.
His wife calling you the AH is rich given that literally none of this would be happening if she hadn’t given his stuff away.
What was she thinking? Did she not mention to your brother when he took them that she would just get rid of them forever? How can your brother look at her and give two shits what she thinks right now?
willy765 writes:
NTA, Since the boy left his sisters unattended, was he supposed to be paid for babysitting? It doesn't sound like it. His punishment includes only driving his sisters' places in his car, the rest of the time it stays parked.
There is no way to replace what the deceased mother made by hand. The stepmother gave most of it away and her daughters ruined part of them.
His father is a complete jerk and the stepmother acted in an evil and abusive way. I'm glad the boy has a few mementos left. I suggest you hold them for him if he trusts you. At this point the boy might not trust any adults.
I hope he is able to recover and move on from this heartache, at his age it's devastating.
ughhavenodia writes:
NTA. I doubt this was the first time your brother has let his wife treat your nephew like shit either. What they did is horrifying. It sounds like your nephew desperately needs someone on his side.
It certainly sounds like your brother isn't going to be that person. How dare he let something like that happen? I think it's really important that your nephew has you in his corner. I hope you continue to back him up.
Edited to point out that what your brother and his wife did is emotionally abusive. I think it's important that you use that word when talking to your brother. Taking away something of his dead mother's like that? That alone is abusive.
The fact that he can't get most of it back is too disgusting for words. Your brother doesn't deserve any consideration after this kind of abuse. I hope he can begin to see what he's letting his wife do to his son, but it sounds like this woman is a manipulative snake, so I doubt it.
gagau writes:
NTA. He put himself in this position. Every step of the way, he was at fault for the outcome. You were not obligated to keep the information to yourself, because Jamie deserved to know what happened to his treasured items.
You’d have been the AH for not saying anything once you knew. Jamie isn’t a child anymore, he’s 17yo, which is not an age you have to hide things that directly effect him.
You need to tell your brother that he’s the one who ruined his relationship with his son, because he chose to allow his wife to abuse his kid. What she did was abusive, by the way.
There was no reason to punish him so severely for not watching his step-sisters (they are 9 and 13, they can entertain and take care of themselves for a few hours), there was no reason to take his mothers items except to exert toxic control and cause mental/emotional anguish.
There was absolutely no reason to give these items away nor allow her daughters to destroy them. Your brother allowed this.
He stood back and said nothing but to back up the decision. Instead of calling you and involving you, he should have kicked his wife and daughters out and started hunting down every last goddamn thing she gave away. He made no attempt in the month this was going on to rectify or stop this.
Instead of working his ass off to repair the damage, he is instead shifting all blame to you. He’s a terribly father, married to a terrible woman, and now he gets to see the seeds of his actions start to bloom.
Edit: the more I think about it, the angrier I get. What this woman and your brother did is abhorrent! Instead of talking to him, send him this post and let us tell him.
And now, OP's strange update, after her nephew moves in with her:
Hi everyone, I promised that I’d update after my nephew moved in so yeah. These past few days have just been a bit busy with not just this situation but the Ukraine crisis as well (We’re Polish-Canadian) so I’m sorry if this isn’t worded too well.
Anyways, first the jewelry/clothes. As of right now, we’ve got back 75% of the things. All the mutual friends were cooperative and not only did they return the things but they also contacted others (that I’m not friends with) and got the stuff from them as well.
My brother was in charge of getting the stuff back from his wife’s relatives and they were all disgusted by her behaviour and returned the things. We’re still waiting on a relative that is on vacation but she’s shocked as well. We also made a Facebook post about the situation and we got some stuff back through that as well.
I mentioned this in a comment but it’s true that mean and borderline evil people exist but clearly good people do as well. So many people both on here and real life have been extremely supportive.
Everything else was unfortunately destroyed by the girls but my brother’s trying to see if they can be fixed.
So my nephew actually moved in on Thursday. He was happy, yes, but something was off.
He was just extremely down and looked kind of scared. He was also always in his room. My husband said it was probably because of everything that happened but something felt wrong so I decided to talk to him. I was given permission to tell you all what we talked about.
Basically, my nephew is terrified that we’re going to send him back. His 13 year old step sister freaked when she found out he was moving in with me and filled his head with a bunch of bullshit.
I know the 13 year old is only 13 but jfc she horrifies me. I didn’t know 13 year olds could be so cruel until my nephew told me all the things she’s done to him.
I’m not going to go into much detail regarding her as both my nephew and I agreed that we don’t want that on the internet but what I will say is that I am extremely concerned because the things she’s done/said to my nephew are insane.
I told my brother and he was horrified as well. He talked to his wife about this and the woman was aware of her daughter’s behaviour and even excused it. They had a fight and the woman took her daughters and went to her parents. In summary: they’re ending things.
He and my nephew also talked and I think there’s hope. It’s small but it’s there. Despite all this, my nephew will still be living with me until the end of the summer. He’s planning on living on residence for university but the uni is only about 30 mins away so my home will always be available to him.
He will also be seeing a therapist to deal with what seems to be depression and some self harm/suicide thoughts. Again, I will not go into detail about this.
My brother and I talked it out as well and although we both are still upset with how the other handled things, we’ve decided to just focus on helping my nephew.
These past few days have been really overwhelming and I’m making this post to update you guys but also so that I can sort out my thoughts and feelings. I’m sad, angry and frustrated but I’m also relieved.
I’m relieved that I got my nephew out of there because, while this hurts me to type or even think about, my nephew believes he wouldn’t have made it to June. He was in a horrible place both mentally and physically and kept it all bottled up and while I feel guilty for not realizing or taking action sooner, I’m going to use that energy to help him heal.
We’re going to see his mother’s family during March break and overall, things seem better. It’s too early to tell but we’ve taken that first step.
It’s only a matter of pushing through. I hope everyone else in similar situations or dealing with depression and/or similar thoughts find strength and know that I’m hoping the best for you all.