Woman gets back at 'ungrateful' sister by skipping wedding, not congratulating her. AITA?
"AITA for not showing up to my sister's wedding and calling her ungrateful?"
My (29M) sister Ashley (27F) had her wedding yesterday, but I didn't attend it. Two years or so ago, when she was going through medical depression and required treatment, I had helped her.
She didn't have the money and I was the one who paid everything for her, etc. None of her friends had helped, and neither did any of our other relatives. Much later, when she had gotten out of her issues, I once urgently required some money.
I asked her and she refused by saying she can't help and to not bother her about it again. I was shocked considering how much I had spent for her, and when she continued to refuse I asked her whether she had forgotten what I had done for her.
Ashley asked me how I can say that I cured her when it was the medicines that worked, and that I wasn't the doctor. She said it was the medicines and the doctor that treated her and not me. I didn't argue.
When the wedding date was fixed I told her that I am not coming. She was surprised and asked me why, and I told her that I have better things to do with my time than attending weddings of people like her.
She got mad and asked me what my problem was, and that she wants everyone to be present. She asked me to not insult her. I told her that she herself had insulted me by brushing away every thing I did for her, and that she's extremely ungrateful for not helping me with money when she could have.
I told her I hadn't even asked her back the money I had spent on her, but she had no humanity at all. We had an argument and everyone asked me to forget about she said and to attend. But I didn't attend her wedding and I didn't even congratulate her. AITA?
EDIT:
I had asked her for $600 and spent around 15-20K for her treatment. I know she had the money because she'd recently got a job that was high enough and she would have been able to pay me. The wedding was being paid for our parents and the groom's.
No, I didn't say that I had cured her per se. I told her that I had paid for her medications/treatment which essentially helping in curing/treating her.
Here's what top commenters had to say about this one:
MisterSouvlaki said:
"You didn't help me, the doctors and the medicine did, so I don't owe you anything." "You didn't take me to work daily for a year, your car did, so I don't owe you anything."
"You didn't feed me, the food from the supermarket did, so I don't owe you anything." I would want to stay as far away as possible from a person that uses this kind of logic. NTA.
stressedpesitter said:
NTA. It is one thing if she had said “I can’t help you because I don’t have the money”, which would have been fair. But “forgetting” who paid for treatment is a nasty move. That being said, I would be very clear with the rest of the family as to why you refused to go. Don’t be insulting, just state how this happened and made you feel.
stressedpesitter said:
NTA. It is one thing if she had said “I can’t help you because I don’t have the money”, which would have been fair. But “forgetting” who paid for treatment is a nasty move. That being said, I would be very clear with the rest of the family as to why you refused to go. Don’t be insulting, just state how this happened and made you feel.
Novae224 said:
NTA. Obviously your help for her isn’t transactional and she isn’t the asshole for not giving you money, but she is the ahole for brushing you off like that and not being grateful. Her not appreciating what you did for her (again, this is done by actions and not money) is a fair reason to not come to her wedding.
Nitehawke88 said:
NTA. Family helps when family can. You could help her and did. Assuming she had the funds you needed and simply chose not to help, that makes her TAH. I don't see you bringing up the help you gave her as using it as leverage but as simply saying "I helped you because you're family, why can't you help me?" which is a fair question.