Woman gets kicked out of child-free 'wedding' for bringing baby; AITA? Concluded.
Most people understand that children aren't invited to a child-free wedding, but what about a child-free wedding where babies are invited and it's actually a secret Christening?
So, when a frustrated new mom decided to vent to the moral compass of the internet about the drama surrounding her ex-friend's fake wedding, the jury of internet strangers was eager to weigh in.
AITA (Am I the As%hole) for bringing my baby to my friend’s wedding after she asked me not to?
One of my very close friends invited me to her wedding which was going to be far from where we live (6.5 hour train journey, then further 2 hour drive on from there).
Invites went out a year in advance and I was pregnant at the time. They asked that children not attend (with a couple of exceptions for family) but stated that babies were allowed to attend.
I knew that we’d be tight for money by the time the wedding rolled around as I would be on maternity leave so I immediately booked the travel, car hire and hotels to make sure we could afford to go.
Wedding was in the middle of nowhere so I also wanted to make sure I could stay close to the venue as I’d be travelling with baby. Two weeks before the wedding & I meet the bride for coffee (we’ve been busy & not seen each other a few months).
My son was an early walker, walking at 8 mos. He’s almost a year old when we meet & she comments on how “advanced” he is for his age. She doesn’t say anything else but later messages to say she didn’t realize my son would be walking already & please could I not bring him to the wedding.
I’m shocked. I booked and paid for the whole trip a year prior and the wedding is now 2 weeks away. He’s still breastfeeding and I’ve never spent a night away from him at this point. As the wedding was so we’d booked two nights near the wedding plus an additional night in the city on the way back.
If I’d known he wasn’t invited from the start I could have made other arrangements but I have no options now. Plus the accommodation in the area of the venue was now fully booked (the venue is in a fairly remote location) and it’s all non-refundable.
I tell her I’m sorry but I can’t not bring him now with such late notice. She suggests we get a babysitter but it’s super expensive and I’ve never left him with anyone before.
I can tell she’s annoyed but she doesn’t say anything else. (NB she and her husband are very wealthy so I’m not sure she understands how tight we are for cash while I’m not working).
We attend with him and there are about four other babies his age there but none are walking. There are also about three other young children ages approx 4-7.
He is as good as gold and doesn’t make a peep although I do take him out during the speeches just to be safe. He’s a great sleeper so I put him to sleep in his pram after dinner and am looking forward to spending a couple hours there before heading back.
However, the bride’s mother approaches me immediately after dinner and basically strongly suggests we leave now. I’m really upset by this (we’ve only been there for 3 hours and it took 8 hours travel to get there). But I feel unwelcome at this point so we leave.
It’s kind of ruined our friendship as I feel that she behaved badly. I accept that it’s her wedding and she should be able to specify her wants on her day but I feel like two weeks notice when I had planned carefully so far ahead in order to be able to attend was unfair, especially since other babies were there. Am I the a-hole?
Later, the post was edited to include:
The bride also had a baby (around 5/6mos). When we got there the “wedding” we found out it wasn’t a wedding anymore but was now a christening. We weren’t told this beforehand.
She didn’t wear a wedding dress and they didn’t even do token vows or walk the aisle (as originally planned. We did know they had gotten legally married in a small service before this).
They were calling it a celebration for friends and family. There was a mix of “wedding” speeches after the dinner and a lot of talk about the real wedding that was supposedly wonderful and also had speeches but that most of us hadn’t been invited to.
Here's what the jury of internet strangers had to say:
imSWO said:
I wanted to say Y-T-A for bringing son after she said specifically not to, but given the fact that you were told babies would be ok, I'm gonna say NTA. A 8 month old is still a baby in my opinion. Unless the other babies around your kid's age were excluded or made to leave... But even then, still NTA. Sorry about your friendship.
Outrageously_Penguin said:
The title made me think this would be the opposite ruling, but NTA. The invite said babies were allowed. It didn’t say ‘only babies that can’t walk’. And she seemingly gave you permission by accepting your answer when you said a babysitter wasn’t an option.
IF she had offered to fully reimburse all your costs as an apology for basically uninviting you a few weeks before the wedding, that would be acceptable but still pretty rude IMO. But she was completely in the wrong here.
NTA. With only 2 weeks notice it’s not reasonable of your friend to make that request. Like you said, if you’d known about this from the start you would have made the appropriate arrangements. If she meant non-mobile babies only she should have said that. But she didn’t.
It was really rotten of her to send her mom to kick you out over it. I understand this was a stress point for the bride, but kicking someone out over a sleeping baby is just pettiness.
dabozyy said:
NTA. Friend had guidelines that you abided by. Friend meets baby and then decides that its not a baby? That's very odd because babies/infants are from birth to 1 year old, then its a toddler. Just because baby advanced in walking sooner doesn't make it not a baby.
Baby is perfect through ceremony, and you even took initiative to make sure by leaving at certain points. Brides mother decides to be an asshole and makes you feel like you were in the wrong.
Blue_wine_sloth said:
From the title I would have jumped to Y T A but actually, NTA. It wasn’t fair for her to move the goalposts 2 weeks before the wedding when you couldn’t get a refund. Also, what a weird rule.
I completely understand childfree weddings but no kids allowed except babies and small children? And this specific baby isn’t allowed to be there when there are others of the same age in attendance?
me_not_at_work said:
NTA That was crappy of the bride and even crappier of her Mom (probably sent by the bride) trying to hustle you out. People get so wound up about the day being 'perfect' that they end up making it a stressful, miserable time for everyone. No one else really cares.
Most of them are there for the free food and open bar. Ten years later, the bride won't care. The groom probably never cared. The people the bride is trying to impress won't remember. The people (like you) who they disrespected will remember.
Every time I hear stories like this, I turn to my wife of 35 years and thank her for not being crazy and for insisting we get married at the courthouse. You need better friends.
elidadagreat1 said:
NTA. The friend was shady in my opinion. She literally had folks thinking they were going to a wedding. People traveled to her city, booked flights and rooms... only to discover that it wasn't actually wedding... but a christening instead?
You planned and traveled for a christening... and then they treated you poorly after all of your effort. F that! She's the AH.
She eventually provided an update based on feedback:
I’ve been really feeling horrible about all of this for a long time but I feel much better now and feel like I have some closure on the way the friendship has gone. She’s not a bad person btw - I don’t want her to get totally slammed.
I feel she just behaved badly in this instance. It happens, but it also made me realise we don’t see our friendship in the same way as I would have behaved differently and I guess that’s ok, but it’s sad for me.
And to clarify for people who have asked/made snide comments: yes I was still breastfeeding at 1 year that’s actually very normal and healthy and breastfeeding is recommended by the WHO until at least 2 years (but I didn’t do it that long and no judgements on anyone who didn’t do that either).
Yes he was partially weaned but I suffered really badly from mastitis if I tried to pump or was away from him for long periods of time so it wasn’t as simple as “just leaving him behind.' He was honestly a super chill baby.
He slept well, he was a really happy boy, we were very lucky. I’m not just making it up - he was a a dream baby. Perhaps if he’d been a pain I would feel differently.