'AITA for refusing to listen to my husband and possibly ruining our marriage?' UPDATED 2X

"AITA for refusing to listen to my husband and possibly ruining our marriage?"

I ordered takeout earlier today for my family and my niece as I’m watching her since my oldest sister doesn’t feel well. We ordered takeout, I paid at the restaurant and took it back home. Now I acknowledge that I made the mistake of not checking the bag and opening up the food to make sure it’s right.

Instead of the chicken scampi my niece wanted, they gave us shrimp scampi. I saw an appetizer of meatballs and an eggplant parmigiana, side order of fries, side of veggies, and then realized this wasn’t my order, as I ordered a chicken carbonara and my husband got some spaghetti with an order of dessert.

Niece doesn’t enjoy seafood, so I called the restaurant to ask if I could come back and get the right food, and they took full responsibility that they handed out the wrong order to me, but I paid the correct amount.

They were willing to remake the food fresh if I wanted to come back for it. Husband refused to let me go, saying I’m wasting $3 of my gas (restaurant is 7 minutes away) and that we should just eat the wrong food. I’m not concerned about myself, but my niece, but significant other said she can still eat it and to just throw away the shrimp.

Now I know 10 year olds can be picky, but I don’t think it’s fair to her she didn’t get what she asked for. I don’t blame the restaurant as I understand mistakes are made and happen all the time. I took niece and went back to get food. I came back and husband wasn’t happy.

My husband is mad at me and went to the bar “for a drink” by himself and said he might get a hotel room, because he got upset saying I was dramatic and this wasn’t a big deal but I went and disregarded his wishes. I didn't realize this would be one of our last conversations.

That niece should learn to not be a picky eater. Am I wrong for feeling offended? We haven’t spoken for a few hours now and I know he’s not coming home because I haven’t heard anything back, he refuses to answer the phone.

I don’t know if or when he’ll come back, he kind of got mad when I came back home with the correct food in hand. I noticed he took some things with him and his bags, but I know he’ll still go to his job. I’m just so hurt right now…

He says I’m wasting gas and time and I should’ve let it go. It broke my heart he didn’t hesitate to leave, I haven’t heard back I don’t know if he plans on coming home. But I know he’ll still go to work this week, he even took some things with him packed in a couple bags

I feel like my husband doesn’t understand, I’m not complaining, just being considerate of my niece who’s a guest and family member I’m supposed to take care of. I wouldn’t make her eat something she wouldn’t like. And it’s like if you were out and got the wrong food, wouldn’t you want the right one?

Husband and I are both in our mid-20’s, got married in 2022. We have had some issues so I wasn’t surprised he left home tonight, but it’s the first time he’s done it. I feel like he sometimes understands me, and he just goes and says that we’re just too different for each other. AITA?

Here's what people had to say to OP:

tissery writes:

Nta. Shrimp is gross and the flavours of it completely seep into everything it's mixed with. YUCK. And forcing young children to eat something they absolutely hate doesn't prevent "pickiness" it can actual be a factor in food anxiety, eating disorders etc.

Your husband is being a controlling a h, he's throwing a tantrum over 3 dollars in gas for everyone to get food they actually ordered but he storms off for a "beer" (more than 3 dollars) and a hotel room(more than 3 dollars) tell him to grow up because a divorce is more than 3 dollars too.

Edit to add: he switched work schedules recently and just finished the academy? Yup he is cheating. Picking a fight was his excuse to go hookup.

snooapple writes:

He overreacted BIG time.You both need to have a chat about what your expectations are.

What you see your future to be together. How you expect to be spoken too, because he doesn't get to talk to you like that at all. A therapist can help teach you how to communicate effectively, not just AT each other but WITH each other.

It may just be a little bump in the newly wed road, but it maybe something much larger. Put your boundaries in now. May also be something about the job, maybe he needs to see a therapist to adjust? I hope you and your niece are OK.

bcgeo writes:

Maybe you should delete this post because it seems like you just admitted to a crime: marrying a child. Honey, that’s illegal. You, a grown woman, cannot marry a 14yo boy. It’s just wrong.

Wait, what?? He’s a grownup man??? Come on! A man who, when the restaurant gave you the wrong order, refused to let you go back & get the right food, when you did anyway he got so mad he went to get drunk by himself at a bar, and then decided to get a hotel room for the night because…well, no rational reason, that’s for sure.

One of three things is going on here: (1) Your husband hates your niece and was looking for an excuse to leave. (2) He is having an affair, and you gave him the perfect, perfectly ridiculous reason to storm out and not come home all night.

(3) This has absolutely nothing to do with food, and something else entirely is going on. If he really stayed away all night, he wouldn’t come home to me without an explanation that doesn’t include the words, “You embarrassed me and wouldn’t do what I demanded you do, so I left to drown my sorrows in alcohol.” You are not wrong, but he is for sure the asshole.

And now, OP's first of two major updates about the situation:

Update: If you’re reading this post now, I went on find my iPhone earlier to find my husband downtown at a hotel/bar. I will update as soon as I can, but I accepted that our relationship is over and there’s nothing I can do.

Right now I’m just hurting and I never felt so alone, I have so much things to take care of by myself I have to keep working and taking care of my niece.

I don’t know what’ll happen now, but I don’t expect my husband to reconcile with me, at this point I’m pretty sure he’s checked out of our marriage and me and has made no attempts to text or call me to work things out. I hope you guys had a happy new year.​​​​​​

UPDATE 2:

Update to my last post, husband still isn’t home and is trying to tell me that me checking his location on find my iPhone (we both share our location with each other) is in fact not accurate and he is totally NOT at a rum bar.

I just wanted to share this because I had a lot of people leave nice comments and they helped me realized he was probably checked out from our marriage for a while. I’ve been thinking back to every little thing I possibly had done wrong or made him lose attraction or love for me.

Last I heard from him earlier today was me asking if he wanted to text or call to talk things out. Now he’s partying downtown which he’s never done in the course of our time together. I don’t even know who he’s with.

I’m just really hurt right now, but I have to keep it together to keep caring for my niece and showing up to work. I don’t have anybody to really talk to about this and I feel like I’m going through so much right now.

I feel so alone right now and I feel nothing but pain and shock. I keep wondering what I was doing wrong or not doing that made him want to leave me. I hope everybody had a happy new year and y’all are staying safe and taking care of yourselves.

Added funny pic of my husband telling me that the GPS is 100% wrong and he is not anywhere near bars despite the photo showing his location in that area. (Update: removed image due to people pointing out I should take it down for privacy, thanks guy).

I went back, he left, and now here he is partying it up wherever he’s at with whoever. I’m trying to keep it together for my niece. Big thank you to the ones who told me I’m not alone and that a bunch of redditors left me kind messages to read over and over again when I’m feeling down. I don't know what triggered this. I am at a loss here.Any advice for her in this weird situation?