Woman gives brother an ultimatum: 'act professionally with your housekeeper, or fire her.' AITA?
"AITA for telling my brother that he has to sack his housekeeper if he won’t behave professionally with her?"
My (42F) brother (39M) has a live in housekeeper, Vivian. I believe the girl is 18 or 19. In our country and particularly our city, housekeepers are in very high demand, especially ones from the same region of our country as Vivian is because they have the best food in the country.
My brother got divorced a year ago and got very depressed, so I advised him to hire a housekeeper to help him maintain his daily tasks. She also helps him by babysitting his two daughters when it is his custody time when he is at work.
I went grocery shopping a few weeks ago with my brother and he picked up a box of chocolates and some flowers for Vivian. He told me that she was sick and I thought it was very sweet of him.
However, my nieces (my brothers daughters) told me that their father always hits on Vivian when she is working and he buys her expensive gifts. Then yesterday, he made an off handed comment about her body when she was bringing some food to the table when I went to his home to have lunch with him. She laughed awkwardly and excused herself.
I asked him what he was doing and basically, he is attracted to her. I told him that his behavior with her was not appropriate as he is her employer and if he cannot behave, he should let her go.
When he hired her, her agency said that there were many other families who wanted her because of her resume so she will not be left jobless. I told him that she deserves to have a work place that is safe.
He was very upset and said I was treating him like a creep and it wasn’t my business. I left after this and he called me demanding an apology. I feel like I may have over stepped since he told me Vivian has not complained herself. I feel very bad now and I was wondering if I am AH.
Here's what top commenters had to say about this one:
atealein said:
NTA. You did the right thing here. Vivian is young and might not be comfortable complaining to him. Just because she hasn't doesn't make his behavior appropriate and since his daughters have also noticed it it becomes even more of a situation.
alisonchains2023 said:
Your brother IS a CREEP and you do NOT owe him an apology. If I were in your shoes I would have a chat with Vivian and ask her about the situation. Tell her you understand from the agency that she is in high demand and ask her if your brother is making her feel uncomfortable as the children have made a couple of comments. Your brother can always hire someone else, preferably a matronly type. NTA.
seductive_steff19 said:
NTA. Your brother's behavior is inappropriate and creates a potentially harmful power dynamic. While Vivian may not have explicitly complained, her awkward laughter and discomfort indicate that she's not comfortable with his advances. You were right to address the issue.
Normal-Run-941 said:
NTA. Brother or not, a creep is a creep. The poor girl is intimidated to say anything. it's absolutely immoral of him to do that. It's horrendous.
lifelearnlove said:
NTA. You noticed his inappropriate behavior, and his children have noticed his inappropriate behavior. He’s demanding an apology because he knows he’s being inappropriate but wants to deny it…The housekeeper is his employee and young enough to be his daughter, a very imbalanced power dynamic.
Automatic-Capital-33 said:
NTA. Your brother is a creep. There is a clear power imbalance in their relationship as he is her employer. Saying, "Oh, she hasn't complained," is disingenuous on your brother's part. A young woman from a less financially stable background is going to be worried about what happens if your brother leaves a bad review, will people believe her, etc.
Basically all of your initial concerns are totally valid and are already playing out. Your brother is being defensive and making you out to be the bad guy because he knows you are right and is trying to deny it to himself.
indigo1743 said:
NTA. He is twice her age and her employer. He knows what he doing and how wildly inappropriate it is. Whether Vivian speaks up or not, the fact that your brother is demanding you to apologize for calling him out for acting unethically and harassing the poor girl says a lot about him as a person. Don't apologize and stick to what you said.