Woman gives neighbor an ultimatum: 'share the elevator with a dog or move.' AITA?
"AITA for telling my neighbor to move if he doesn't want to share the elevator with a dog?"
I (27F) live in a building that allows up to 2 dogs with no breed or weight restrictions. I have a 12 YO Chiweenie who's nothing but sweet. She rarely barks and does good with everybody, including cats.
I took the elevator so she could go on her walk (sit down on the sidewalk), and this kid (20-ish) was in there first. He asked me to not come in, but I told him we have every right to use the elevators and came in.
He basically squished himself into the opposite corner, started shaking, and asked me to put her behind my legs because he's scared of dogs. I told him that if he's scared of dogs, he shouldn't live in a dog-friendly apartment. He stuttered out that he wasn't asking much of me. I told him that it's entitled to ask others to accommodate his triggers. By the time this was over, he literally ran out the elevator.
This one lady working at the front desk asked me if everything was okay, and I told her he was being a baby over sharing an elevator with my 7 pound dog. She went, "I don't want to get involved, but the next time something like that happens, please take the next elevator." I didn't want to get on management's shit list, so I just nodded and walked away.
I asked a few neighbors who have dogs, and they all said I was in the wrong and shouldn't have even gone in the elevator. I asked my friends and family, and everybody thought I was being rude. My aunt replied, "It costs nothing to be kind to people despite what your generation seems to think." AITA? I'm scared of spiders but I don't make it everybody else's problem.
Later, OP edited the post to include:
I appreciate everybody's responses. I posted this right before I went out to try and see the aurora. I'm reading these whenever the aurora dips and I'll try to reply when I can. I've noticed some people think I'm deathly afraid of spiders and would freak out if somebody brought a pet spider with them. No, because you can only have dogs and cats here. If I saw one in the elevator, I'd take another one like an adult.
Here's what top commenters had to say about this one:
Aggressive_Cattle320 said:
YTA. I have a daughter who has a simple phobia, so severe, that she takes medications and will never have children due to it. And she graduated with degrees in Psychology! Having severe phobias, as this guy obviously has, is something that makes life hell for the people who suffer from it.
In many cases, mental health disorders are a disability, and it seems like his is beyond extreme. My daughter tries to avoid what she fears, and can do so for the most part, but not all people can. I also have anxiety disorders, and they can take over your life.
I feel badly for this guy. How can he live in a dog free world? He can't. What probably triggered him so badly was being in an elevator, where he had no place to escape. Your attitude toward him was pretty rude, and even the management gave you a fairly clear hint.
If you had an actual crippling phobia of spiders, and there was a Goliath Spider. on the ceiling of the elevator, you can bet you would be shaking in your shoes. A bit more understanding and compassion doesn't cost anything, and kindness would have made your day a bit better, too.
Time_Neat_4732 said:
YTA. You wouldn’t even put her behind your legs when he was SHAKING. That’s nuts, he really wasn’t asking much of you. And he was clearly really suffering. I can’t even IMAGINE reacting like you did. If I was in a huge hurry maybe I’d get on the elevator anyway with a quick apology, but once I saw how scared he was I would absolutely do everything I could to mitigate the situation.
Do you struggle with feeling sympathy? A man was cowering in fear and you seem to have only felt annoyance. Even if his fear was irrational, your reaction was not normal. It might be good to talk to a professional about this.
Sea-Tea-4130 said:
YTA-It was a request. Some ppl are scared of dogs, some have allergies, etc. It’s extending a courtesy to be a good neighbor. It’s ignorant to be indifferent. You both live in that building and it’s genuinely good to be kind to one another. Taking the next elevator wouldn’t have prevented you from your goal of allowing your dog to walk which was why you claimed to have taken the elevator to start with.
Kitchu22 said:
Oh yeah, YTA. I'm glad I live in a building where people pick their small dogs up out of consideration, and everyone with a dog waits for the next available empty elevator unless the person inside enthusiastically invites us in.
It's common sense, not everyone wants to share with a dog, and of course humans have right of way in common areas (especially those with fears, allergies, or other concerns). I cannot understand living in high density and being so selfish and entitled. Having neighbours like you would really suck.
tosser9212 said:
YTA. I'm betting your friends that know you're afraid of spiders don't force you to share space with them. Your friends and family likely have some compassion: a trait you exhibit an utter and complete lack of in your narrative. ETA: Your comment that he's "being a baby" makes me really hope the staff person has marked you as a problem in the building - because you are.
It costs you nothing to hold your dog or put him/her behind for a few moments. It costs you damn little to take the next elevator - you're not in a ruddy rush for the dog to go to the sidewalk. You'd probably be the one to keep smoking after I told you I'm allergic. And you wear perfume in public spaces, too, I'd bet.
loyalcrowlist said:
YTA - There was no reason for you not to take the next one. That already was strike one against you. Then you proceeded to act heartless and cruel in the face of someone's phobia. I genuinely can't believe you could act in such a way and not understand that you're an ahole. He truly wasn't asking much of you to at least put your dog behind your legs and it was a mark of how reasonable he was being in the face your cruelty.