Woman ignores girlfriend she's tricked into working her sister's wedding, 'I feel mistreated.' AITA?

"AITA for ignoring my girlfriend after I had to help at her sister's wedding?"

Hey- I’m a 21-year-old female (F21), and my girlfriend, Jay (F22), and I have been together for 4 years. Last weekend, her older sister Sarah (F25) got married, so we drove 5 hours to the wedding location. We arrived a day early to help with preparations.

Jay mentioned that we would be helping a little with setup, and I was totally okay with that. However, upon arriving at the remote location, I was told we needed to unload all of our luggage and then drive an hour and a half to the nearest Walmart for groceries.

After the long drive, I was feeling car sick but didn’t want to seem unhelpful in front of her family. While in the car, Jay's sister Ray informed me that they would need my help cooking a dish—specifically a corn salad. They didn’t really ask; it felt more like I was being told what to do.

The next day, the wedding day, Ray woke us up at 6 AM, urging us to start early. I made the corn salad as planned, but before I knew it, I was cooking several other dishes as well. It was the wedding day, and I didn’t want to make a scene, so I went along with it.

We started cooking at 7 AM, and the ceremony was scheduled for 4:30 PM. Jay and I took a break around 3:30 PM to quickly get ready, rushing through hair and makeup. Once the ceremony concluded and the bride and groom left for pictures, we were pushed back into the kitchen to finish things up.

It was around 5:30 PM, and with dinner set for 6:30 PM, everyone began asking when food would be served. The kitchen was cramped, hardly larger than a closet. Because Jay’s sister Sarah didn’t want to take many pictures, everything concluded early, leading to even more pressure for us to serve dinner promptly.

The floor was wet .While frosting cupcakes, someone bumped into me, and I got frosting on my dress. I went to the bathroom to clean up, and Jay followed because she could tell I was upset. I expressed my frustration, and she apologized, saying she didn’t think we’d be doing this much work.

She assured me we were almost done and we could finish quicker if we all helped. Once I finished the desserts and finally got to sit down, it was almost 9 PM, and I discovered there was no food left. I hadn’t eaten all day and had been on my feet since 7 AM, feeling pretty miserable.

After about 30 minutes of rest, Ray called us to help clean, and I just said, “Okay, I need to use the restroom first,” then locked myself in a stall. If I had my own way home, I would have left long before. The day had already been tense, as Jay had a fight with her mom (unrelated) and was in a bad mood.

All I wanted was to go home. Now that I’m home, Jay is trying to contact me, but I just want to be left alone. I feel mistreated and miserable; I thought I was a guest, not a worker.

Jay is calling me an ahole for ignoring her, saying it was just to help her sister. However, I was never asked to help cater the wedding—I was asked to attend. So, do you think I'm the ahole for being upset about having to help her sister.

Here's what people had to say about this one:

ChaosEdge88 said:

NTA but you need to speak with her , you were not invited to attend you were invited to be free labor. Sounds like you done the entire catering and to top it up you didn’t even get to eat from the food you actually cooked!

Anyone would feel used and upset and your partner should know why, you weren’t helping you didn’t do one dish, you did most of the catering for a wedding cause your gfs sister and family didn’t want or couldn’t pay for catering. And instead of communicating things clearly, presumably to avoid you declining they masked it as a little help.

writesgud said:

Of course NTA. Those expectations should have been made clear from the beginning so you'd have a choice. Since they weren't, you were duped. Worse, Jay didn't stick up or defend your needs or interests to her family. She just let you be used.

(Also, you would have been well within your rights to tell Ray "no" at any point, FYI). Jay has some serious apologizing to do. Your ignoring her is completely understandable and is besides the main points above, that she has to own first. And if Jay has trouble understanding that, show her this post.

Odd_Task8211 said:

NTA. You were doing forced labor at an event where you were supposed to be a guest. There is no way they did not know how much work was involved.

0biterdicta said:

ESH. Jay should have checked in with you when it became clear how poorly planned this whole thing was, and made a bigger effort to help and support you once you expressed discomfort.

At the same time, you admit you didn't say anything until fairly late in the wedding day. You need to stand up for yourself, or you risk people thinking you're okay with what is happening.

It also sounds like you're giving Jay the silent treatment which isn't a good way to handle issues. Let her know you need some space right now and will reach out when you're ready to chat.

ToastetteEgg said:

NTA, but I wouldn’t put all the blame on Jay. At any time you could have told them that you were taking a break. You could have said no at any time. You have to be more assertive so people don’t take advantage of you.

AugustWatson01 said:

NTA. GF and her family were rude and took you for granted- they didn’t ask for help just told you. Gf should’ve told them it was enough and made sure you were able to rest, eat and be a guest, it was up to her family to sort stuff out themselves.

GF should be saying nothing but apologies for her families and her AH behavior- if she volunteered you that was wrong. They were rude and cheap putting their burden on others. Honestly don’t know why people stopped having the wedding they could afford.