'AITA for telling my wife I don't want to bring our newborn to a restaurant?' UPDATED
"AITA for telling my wife I don't want to bring our newborn to a restaurant?"
My partner and I are expecting our first baby any day now. Last night she mentioned how she wanted to go out to this nice restaurant for steak a couple weeks after birth. I thought "Yeah great idea! Your mother will be here to watch the baby while we go out!"
She wants to take the baby with us. I told her I didn't think that was exactly appropriate. This is a fine dining restaurant. You wear nice clothes. Its a quiet atmosphere. People are paying a lot of money to enjoy a relaxing evening there and eat quality food.
Bringing a newborn baby with us that will undoubtably end up crying loudly at some point and disturbing people trying to have a nice night out would be embarrassing for me. I know if I was at this place and all through my meal I heard a baby crying it would kind of ruin the whole point of going to this place.
She said if baby started crying she will just start breast feeding him in the restaurant. I told her that the other diners "probably don't want to watch you breast feed while they're trying to eat."
I understand she doesn't want to be apart from the baby for 1 second but I also feel like taking a 2 week old to a fine dining restaurant is a pretty bad idea. Anyways I told her if she wants to go there with the baby and her mother that's fine but I wouldn't be joining them. She's barely said a word to me since. AITA?
Here's what top commenters had to say about this one:
DragonRage86 said:
This dinner isn’t even gonna happen. You’ll both be exhausted from janky sleep schedules
divwido said:
Keep in mind that she may still be in "my baby will be quiet and sleep and be perfect and everyone will love watching me breastfeed, because it's so easy and natural" Two weeks in, she may very well change her tune and may be glad to get away from the baby.
RevolutionaryDiet686 said:
NTA The baby does not need a fine dining experience. She can show baby off at a different time and place. Realistically the baby should not be exposed to too many people and places until it is a few months old.
whynotbecause88 said:
She's being very unrealistic. You will both be exhausted, she'll still be recovering, and it takes time to get breastfeeding established. That, combined with hormones, etc.? NTA.
Turbulent-Buy3575 said:
NTA! I am a mom and I love my child but I didn’t take them anywhere fancy for a night out! A steakhouse is no place to bring a two week old baby and although nobody can stop her from breastfeeding in public, this is not the place to do it.
Also, nobody wants to hear a baby crying during a nice dinner out. Also, most high end restaurants are privately owned and have very firm rules about children in their establishment. You don’t have the right to disturb other diners who are paying a hefty price for a meal.
jlwell said:
NTA. Check with the restaurant, they might not even allow children and babies because they distract from the atmosphere. I encountered this exact issue after having a baby. If she breastfeeds though, you will have to get used to her either feeding where she is and potentially dealing with AHs that don't like it, or going somewhere private.
the-hound-abides said:
NTA. I would say that this argument is probably moot, because I highly doubt she will want to go out that soon after. Not to be graphic, but dressing up is going to be an issue for her. She’s going to have engorged boobs, and will be wearing basically a diaper to contain the bleeding that soon after. Going anywhere is a trial, much less somewhere nice.
Even if you could, still NTA. Infants shouldn’t be brought into fine dining. There are plenty of places you can, that’s just not one of them. If you want to have a nice dinner together- get takeout, and have mom watch the baby somewhere else in the house would be my recommendation. Wait at least a few months to go out. She’ll probably be more comfortable leaving the baby then.
Update from OP after reading the comments:
Wow that got a lot of attention. Appreciate the all advice for the most part.
We went to the fancy restaurant while still pregnant, had a great dinner & 5 hours later we were going to the hospital because she was going into labor, haha. Happy to announce we have an adorable, happy, healthy 5 month old boy now and we are enjoying being a nice little family. :)