Woman is accused of 'upstaging the bride' by wearing a green designer dress, 'Big mistake.' AITA?

"AITA for wear a wearing a green designer dress and 'trying' to upstage the bride and her bridal party?"

I’m from India and my husband and I were recently invited to his subordinate’s wedding in the Bay Area. I was really excited about it as it’s the first American wedding I’m attending after moving to the states after my own wedding in February this year.

I’ve seen quite a few reels and videos about not wearing white, any colors that could resemble white like cream, egg shell, bone grey, pastel pink, silver and definitely not red.

I also made sure not to wear anything floor length, you know ball gown type and stuff. When we got the invitation, I checked up on the location and it was a very beautiful/fancy place and the dress code said “Imagine a summer picnic in Naples” which was honestly so cute.

I had a light green sleeveless dress which is flow-y and goes up to my shin. I have hair that goes up to my hips and I put a bow in it which was a little big but I have thick hair, nothing which stands out, I didn’t wear anything on my neck, I took off my thali/mangalsutra which is this gold matrimonial chain that married women wear in India.

The wedding was beautiful and everything was fine until the reception. I kept getting weird side eyes from the bridal party and the mother of the bride. When my husband and I went to congratulate the couple, the bride completed ignored me and her husband just gave me an awkward smile.

I even went back and checked if my husband was allowed to bring a plus one cause I thought I must not have been invited and you can’t just bring someone along to weddings here.

Two days after the wedding, one of the bridesmaid’s texted me on Instagram and told me if I was happy with the stunt I pulled at someone else’s wedding. If I was so attention seeking that I had to wear something expensive to someone else’s wedding and make them look bad. I was really upset and I asked if I can call and solve this misunderstanding cause that was not my intention.

The dress to begin with does not look like a bespoke piece or anything of that sort but apparently one the bridesmaids was aware of the design and who the designer was and told the bride and the bridal party. The designer does bridal pieces and formal every day apparel too. I sent the bridesmaid’s my number and told her to call me at her convenience. Big mistake.

She sent my number to the mother of the bride and others and I’ve been getting some pretty nasty messages and phone calls. The groom is staying out of it because my husband is his boss but sent me a message asking if I would apologise and if we could let this go.

Honestly if it was just an apology, I would have genuinely given it. But the name calling and getting on a conference call to collectively berate me is wrong in my opinion. They put up pictures of me in the dress, and pictures of the dress and its price on one of the bridesmaid’s Instagram stories - she has a pretty good following to “shame” me as well.

My husband wants to talk to the groom and set them straight but I’m scared it might look like an abuse of power or something and that would give them more crap to talk about. So AITA and should I apologize for wearing a designer dress to a wedding?

Later, OP edited the post to include:

The latest news I’ve received from another colleague wife who I’ve met quite a few times since I’ve moved here is that, not only was the dress too expensive but since the designer also makes bridal pieces and apparently the bride had checked out her website for a dress to wear the day after the wedding breakfast with only close friends and family.

The dresses were out of her budget or she didn’t like them and she actually ended up wearing this sweet blush pink dress which looked absolutely beautiful on her. We saw pictures the next day. So one of the bridesmaid’s saw the dress I was wearing and told the bride that it’s from the same designer.

And I’m wearing an expensive bridal dress to another person’s wedding and all the drama started there. I made sure to tell them that this dress is not part of any bridal collection but they just won’t listen.

Here's what top commenters had to say about this one:

BeMandalorTomad said:

NTA. You know what happened here? You were your beautiful self. The rest is jealousy. You did your due diligence about American wedding dos and don'ts. You didn’t go over and above. You did everything a reasonable person would expect of you but you’re still eye catching. That’s not a flaw. It’s not your fault.

whimsicaluncertainty said:

NTA. This reeks of insecurity. You did nothing wrong. Also, designer clothes wouldn't be able to transform a person into looking more attractive, I bet you are the type of beauty that would look gorgeous in a potato sack. Hence the bride being jealous.

Do people have no common sense though? Why would you potentially jeopardise your husband's job by doing this? People normally invite their boss to get into their good graces and establish a better relationship. What a silly woman.

OrcEight said:

NTA. And your husband should tell the groom that that he needs to put a stop to the inappropriate messages coming to you. He can have this conversation in a professional manner.

throwaway_maxxx said:

NTA. The bridesmaid was obviously jealous, and she started the issue. I sense this is a culture thing, that type of jealousy. Block them all off, and continue to live your authentic self. And the nerve of the husband to ask you to apologize? I'd let your husband talk to him about this nonsense if he wants to.

justcelia13 said:

NTA. Had one of the women not known it was an expensive, designer dress, nothing would have been said. Speaks of jealousy to me. And yet, you were the one in green!

Its_a_mad_world_ said:

NTA. Regardless of income and how you wish to spend it, that family has no reason to treat you negatively for wearing that dress. While it may be expensive, it does not come across as formal at all and looks like something I’d expect to see based on their dress code. Your husband ought to give them a late wedding gift of throwing the groom a permanently going away party.

His wife’s family openly disrespects you, they then begin to gang up and harass you, and then the groom requests you apologize to his wife? That just reeks of entitlement. The fact that the groom is your husband’s subordinate and has not squashed this on his family’s side is shocking.

The fact that he requested for you to apologize shows he’s a complete imbecile. HR issues all around and proof he’s terrible at making sound judgment decisions. Get rid of him and his family.