Woman is honest with her sister: 'your dream wedding is ruining my life.' AITA?
"AITA for telling my sister her 'dream wedding' is ruining my life?"
So, here’s the situation. My (28F) sister, Ashley (25F), is getting married in March, and it’s supposed to be this fairytale, Pinterest-board, over-the-top event. I’m talking a literal castle venue, designer everything, and a wedding party that looks like it stepped out of a bridal magazine.
I’m her maid of honor, and at first, I was so happy for her. She’s my little sister, and I wanted her to have her dream day. But now? It feels like my entire life revolves around her wedding, and I’m losing my mind.
For starters, Ashley picked this “blush rose” theme, which is apparently code for everything being stupidly expensive. She insisted that we all buy these custom-made bridesmaid dresses from a boutique. Mine alone was $500, and when I told her I couldn’t afford it, she offered to “loan me the money.”
(Translation: she’d hold it over my head forever.) On top of that, there’s been the engagement party, the bridal shower, the bachelorette trip to freaking Napa Valley, and all these “little extras” like personalized gifts for her and the groomsmen.)
I’ve had to max out my credit card, dip into my savings, and cancel a trip I’d planned with my boyfriend of five years. He’s upset because we were going to visit his parents in Italy, but I couldn’t afford it anymore.
When I told Ashley, she said, “Well, your relationship will still be there after my wedding. This is a once-in-a-lifetime event for me.” Like, what?? It gets worse. She’s demanding I take three days off work to help with last-minute wedding prep.
I already used up most of my PTO for her other events, so now I’ll have to take unpaid leave. When I told her that, she got super teary-eyed and said I wasn’t being supportive enough. She even called our mom, who guilt-tripped me by saying, “It’s just money, and family comes first.”
The breaking point came last week when Ashley asked if I’d change my hair color. For context, I have red hair—natural, mind you. Ashley said it “clashes” with the aesthetic she’s going for and asked me to dye it brown “just for the wedding photos.”
I laughed because I thought she was joking. She wasn’t. When I refused, she started crying and told me I was being selfish and ruining her day. I finally snapped and told her that her “dream wedding” is turning into a nightmare for everyone else and that I’m tired of her treating me like an accessory for her Instagram-perfect life.
She called me a jealous, bitter b and said I’m trying to sabotage her happiness. Now, my mom and a few other family members are on her side, saying I’m overreacting and that weddings are stressful.
My boyfriend says I need to set boundaries, but I feel like if I back out or stand my ground, I’ll be the villain. I love my sister, but I’m drowning here. So, AITA?
EDIT:
I just want to thank everyone who’s supported me and helped me realize I’m not the ahole here. Your comments really helped me see that I deserve to set boundaries and take care of myself. I’m going to talk to my sister and let her know where I stand, and I’ll be taking steps to fix my situation financially. I can’t keep letting this go on like it has been. Thank you all again!
Here's what top commenters had to say about this one:
mdthomas said:
Your sister sucks for expecting everyone to spend this much money. You suck for going along with it so far as to max out your card and dip into savings. At some pint you should have said "I'm sorry, but this is beyond my budget. I will not be able to participate." ESH.
DogTheBotHunter said:
You chose to cancel your vacation and max out your credit card. Not your sister. Don't blame her for the poor choices you made. Stop ruining your own life and blaming it on the demands of others when you have a full ability to say no. ESH.
DGhostAunt said:
NTA. Listen to your boyfriend. You have been a HUGE AH to him. Apologize profusely and bow out of the wedding. Your sister is using you.
stiggley said:
NTA. Her wedding, her costs, her time. Stop funding other peoples parties. If you hadn't already spent so much, I'd say to drop out and RSVP "no" to attending as its too expensive.
SportySue60 said:
NTA - I am not cutting my hair, coloring my hair, covering up tattoos or any other bullsh^& stuff …you knew what I looked like I mean I’m your freaking sister and I have red hair - that ain’t changing for your wedding…not even if you pay for it. I am done tapped out - this is just over the top!
I am guessing that sister if the GC so whatever she wants she gets - not at your expense. I agree with your BF set the boundary now. She either accepts your boundary or she can reimburse you for what you have already spent and get another MOH!
ht1660 said:
NTA, don't give her anything more, return any ungifted things and if she asks give an itemized bill of your costs to her. She's delusional and you are in risk of ruining things with your own relationship due to your sister's unrealistic expectations. I bet the wedding of the sister doesn't even last 2 years.