Woman keeps expensive birthday gift that makes BF uncomfortable; AITA? CONCLUDED.

Friends are allowed to get their friends expensive and thoughtful gifts without jealous boyfriends throwing temper tantrums, right?

So, when a conflicted young woman decided to consult the moral compass or the internet otherwise known as Reddit's 'Am I the As#hole' about a gift she received from a close friend, people were ready to help out.

AITA for wanting to keep an expensive birthday gift that makes my boyfriend uncomfortable?

I (F just turned 25) have a friend, “Logan” (M25), and we’ve been friends since we were 7/8. I have a boyfriend “Matt” who I’ve been dating for 7 months.

My birthday was last week, and I had a dinner party for some friends before we all went out to a club. There was 8 of including Logan and Matt. We had a little bit of a “gift opening” before dessert, and Logan gifted me an old copy of The Great Gatsby.

The book has a special significance to us, because for many years Logan and I lived in different countries. We kept in contact, but we didn’t see each other in person for about 4 years.

We finally got our parents to agree for me to fly to his country to visit in 2013. We were talking about what we were going to do on the visit and I really wanted to go and see The Great Gatsby movie, which had just come out, as it is my favorite book.

Logan had never even heard of it, and I said he had to read it before we went to see the movie. Logan was never academic, and to this day it is the only fiction book he’s ever read all the way through (not counting children’s books).

Whenever I ask him to do me a favour he always replies with “I read The Great Gatsby for you, so I may as well” and it’s a running joke.

We always go big on birthdays but this book means so much to me. The day after, Matt said he felt the book was an inappropriate gift, because of how expensive it is.

I tried to explain to him that it’s just a sentimental gift and that the cost isn’t the point, but Matt said he feels weird that another man gifted me something that costs more than his car.

This argument went on for a long time and Matt said that he thinks I should return the book, and if it means so much to both of us then Logan can keep it. I told him to grow up.

We’ve been having this fight on and off for a week. Matt’s saying that it’s reasonable for him to be uncomfortable but I think he’s being a jealous child. It’s not like Logan gave me a giant diamond necklace just to show off, he gave me something heartfelt that means the world to me, and I think that should be more important than the fact that Matt thinks it’s outside what he deems an acceptable budget.

My mother is saying to give Matt the benefit of the doubt and maybe ask Logan to keep the book for now and if one day Matt is more secure I can take it back. My dad is saying Matt’s an idiot. My girlfriends are split.

This argument is just dragging on and I’m leaving for my birthday trip tomorrow and I just need some perspective on whether I’m being unreasonable wanting to keep the book?

Later, the posted was edited to include:

EDIT: For everyone asking about the book, it is a 1925 edition, well known to be fairly rare. The prices vary but it’s Google-able if you really want to know. There are a range of prices and it’s somewhere in the middle, I’m not going to say the exact amount.

For everyone asking why I’m not dating Logan or why I never did, I explained this in detail in several comments but this is the most comprehensive and reflective one I think

There was a YouTube segment of Olivia Coleman and Emilia Clarke having tea together.

And Olivia said her “what’s your favourite item in your wardrobe” or something similar, and she said “a beautiful chanel cardigan that I really love but have never worn because it just doesn’t suit me.'

And it just reminded me of that. It’s not that I don’t absolutely adore Logan, I do. I can unreservedly say he’s my favorite person in the whole world. But if you ask me why I’m not in relationship with him, I don’t have a concrete answer, because there’s nothing about him I don’t like, but it just never happened.

And I think he would say the same thing. When I think of the way he was with his ex and the ones I’ve had, including Matt, I don’t see us being that way/those people for each other

Here's what the jury of internet strangers had to say about this one:

Beck2010 said:

Your dad is a smart man - listen to him. Logan gave you a gift that holds sentimental significance to both of you. If it had been a girlfriend who had given it to you, Matt wouldn’t care. He cares only because he’s jealous.

NTA. Keep the book. And, to put a little perspective on how Matt needs to stay in his own lane: you’ve known/been with Matt for 7 months. Logan has been your friend for 204 months Logan is a long term friend; Matt has been in your life for a hot minute.

DragonflyOk9277 said:

NTA. It's a lovely and thoughtful gift. His insecurities are his to deal with. Perhaps Reddit has ruined me a bit, but please keep the book in a safe place for now so Matt can't do something like selling it behind your back.

ARandomDouchy said:

NTA. Matt's being a child. It's a BOOK, an expensive one, but a BOOK. One that means a lot to you. Don't listen to him, keep it.

Ok-World-7366 said:

It's only been 7 months and he's already trying to control your life ? Dump him asap....nta

BoringMongoose4296 said:

NTA - a lifelong friend doing something thoughtful trumps a seven month insecure boyfriend. Be careful of that book and don’t keep it around the boyfriend. He sounds as if he will hurt it or throw it away.

Note to everyone out there feeling insecure about someone else's gift to your partner: take a lesson from this woman and grow up.

Sometimes you really don't have to worry about the guy she's telling you note to worry about...

Later, the post was updated to include more follow-up details:

I got some requests for an update, and I did say I’d try to post one so here it is, coming to you from a Mediterranean island that has been very unkind to my waistline.

I just want to first say a huge thank you for all the responses. Internet strangers get a bad wrap but I really appreciate all the advice.

So, first update, Matt and I broke up. He didn’t end up coming on my birthday trip but we were kind of talking on and off and he sent me a text that dropped the L bomb, and I didn’t respond in kind.

That was the last straw for him. Now that I think about it, that was the next hurdle that was coming, this just brought it forward I guess. He’ll be picking his things up over the weekend. I would like us to stay friends, I still like him so so much, but I know that’s not really up to me now.

I told my mum about the break up, and she apologised for making me feel like I was in the wrong about keeping the book. She said she was just so used to seeing me treat men as disposable, and because I’d been with Matt so long she thought maybe he might not be and she got too caught up in that.

I think hearing that I wasn’t even ready to say I love him was a shock to her, and she realised she’d been telling herself a story about him and me that wasn’t what was playing out.

Onto me and Logan. Obviously a whole wealth of opinions and advice was shared about our friendship and honestly going through the comments on the post was the first time I’d really ever thought that deeply about our relationship.

It brought up a lot of memories and feelings, and I did end up talking to Logan about it and telling him about the original post. I ended up making a note of some of peoples’ questions and asking him.

I really wish I could include all his answers here because I think his responses were pretty funny. That said, word limit, so I’ll keep the answers short.

• Logan did not buy the book as a way to express romantic interest and the plot was not relevant to his choice to purchase it

• Logan has never wanted to date me

• Feelings are complicated

Obviously there was more we talked about but I will just leave you with another metaphor, since the cardigan one was such a hit; sometimes a thin gold chain will sit in your jewellery box for a decade, and over the years it’ll tangle, and the knot will be so inextricable you can’t tell where the chain ends or begins.

It would take a long time to pick that apart. Some people get out their magnifying glass and a good lamp and work until the chain is good as new, and some people might decide to just put it back in the box before they break it. We’re trying to be the first, but the second might end up being okay. We’ll see.

I think that’s everything. Thank you to everyone who responded, I laughed, I cried, I had an existential crisis, it was wild ride.