Woman kicks boyfriend out after he 'forgot' about her allergy, 'it is not deadly.' AITA?
"AITA for kicking my boyfriend out because he 'forgot' about my allergy?"
My (25F) boyfriend “Louis” (26M), forgot about my citrus allergy yesterday evening. I’ll preface by saying this that I know it is not a very common allergy, and it is not deadly. However, when I eat lemons/oranges etc, my throat hurts quite bad and my skin gets itchy on my arms, legs and (sometimes) my cheeks too.
Background to our relationship: we have been dating a little over a year and he has been staying at my place that I am renting for 2 months. He is however not on the lease, he just needed a place after his parents kicked him out. He also knows I am allergic to citrus, as I have told him multiple times when he tried offering me fruits, candies, juices or pies.
Let’s jump into it. Yesterday evening, he went to buy a few things at the store as he wanted to treat me to a nice dinner after a stressful week at work. He made a wonderful pasta alla puttanesca (which I love), and bought two slices of cake from the bakery next to the store.
The first thing I asked him was if that yellowish cream was/contained lemon, as I do it from habit. He told me he was sure and that he checked that it was vanilla, so I went ahead and had a good bite. However, very soon me and my body realized it was indeed not vanilla but lemon, and it was already “too late” as I felt tingling in my throat.
I got extremely mad, maybe a bit much, and started screaming at him that he lied, that he was an idiot, and why would he do that?! I saw red from anger (and maybe from the incoming allergic reaction lol), especially because he confessed he did not check and just assumed it was vanilla due to the color. He said he kind of forgot but I have never had hospitalization from it, so he thought it would be alright.
I felt so disrespected and kicked him out of my place, forcing him to give me his spare key and telling him I do not care whether he finds a place yesterday night or not. I am now unsure whether to continue the relationship, but a friend has told me that he made an honest mistake and it is not that serious of an allergy anyway, and it’s not worth losing this relationship.
I have a lot of missed calls and texts from him but I have ignored all for now, because I feel very hurt and also worried by his behavior. So, was I the ahole?
Here's what top commenters had to say about this one:
WoodlandElf90 said:
NTA. I'm sorry, but your BF is an idiot. He knows you're allergic to it. He should've opened his damn mouth and asked what was in that cake. I hate it when people are like, "But it's not a serious allergy." They do not get to decide how serious it is. OP, your BF doesn't seem to care much. Does he even like you?
Significant_Cook8309 said:
NTA: Your friend is wrong. It was not an honest mistake. Best case scenario, it was laziness and lack of caring about you. Worst case, it was malicious. Neither is good.
aspralav said:
People who say they are allergic but that the symptoms are not life threatening just haven’t had the life threatening reaction yet. I had a small reaction to penicillin but the next time I lost all of the skin off my hands and feet from peeling. Each instance will usually grow in severity or one day it will just become deadly.
A friend in high school lost her father to penicillin which he had taken all of his life with no reaction and one day it almost killed him and would have if his wife hadn’t come home unexpectedly from work due to a bad feeling, she found him unconscious and barely breathing. NTA.
EffableFornent said:
If it was an honest mistake, his answer to your question about the cake would have been something like "I'm so sorry, I totally forgot to check. I'll taste it and see if it's vanilla or lemon" then when it turned out to be lemon, he'd have arranged something else. What he did was just lie. That's not honesty, or a mistake. It's a choice. NTA.
shlushytaz said:
So you’ve been together for over a year, and he forgot your allergy. But then lied, saying he checked the ingredients and risked a reaction instead of simply saying he didn’t check? Great news that it’s not a life threatening allergy, but that’s simply not the point. NTA.
Both-Mud-4362 said:
NTA - When it comes to allergies the only mistake allowed is the mistake of being over zealous. An example is I'm allergic to shellfish, but only mildly. If there is a small amount of cross contamination I'm ok.
But my husband immediately assumed it was as deadly as the stories about nut allergies and refused to cook or eat any shellfish in the home for the first 3 years of our relationship. To the point I thought he didn't like shellfish. I now know he loves shellfish. It is his favorite food. But he gave up even having a whiff of it for me.