Woman lashes out at SIL; 'My daughter's birthday cake is NONE of your business.' AITA?
"AITA for telling my sister-in-law it’s not her decision when it comes to my daughter’s birthday cake?"
My daughter is turning 6 soon, and she’s asked for a strawberry cake with pink frosting for her birthday party. I agreed, of course, because it’s her special day, and that’s what she wants.
However, my sister-in-law, who can be pretty overbearing at times, didn’t like the idea when she heard about it. She mentioned she’s not a fan of strawberry and said we should choose something "everyone will enjoy" instead.
My daughter, without hesitation, responded, “It’s my birthday, not yours, so I get to pick!” Now, normally I’d say this was a bit blunt, but honestly, she’s repeating something my sister-in-law once said to her when we were at another party, reminding her that the birthday kid gets to make those choices. So, I didn’t think it was a big deal.
My sister-in-law looked taken aback, and I reiterated what we always tell our daughter: “When it’s your birthday, you can have whatever cake you like.” This led to her calling me rude and my daughter spoiled. In response, I told her that with that attitude, maybe it’s best if she skips the party altogether.
My husband was caught off guard and suggested we get a second cake just for his sister to keep the peace. I refused because that would send the wrong message to our daughter—that she has to compromise on her birthday. We’ve been teaching her that it’s okay for people to have things their way on their special day, and that she’ll get to enjoy hers as she wants.
After some discussion, my husband agreed with me, realizing we need to stick to the lesson we’ve been teaching her. My sister-in-law, on the other hand, doesn’t seem to see it that way. She now wants my daughter to apologize for being "disrespectful" and even said she won’t attend the party or bring a gift without a written apology.
I told her that’s her choice, but I’m not forcing my daughter to apologize for simply repeating what she was taught. So, AITA?
streetbrog writes:
NTA. Your SIL is being ridiculous, your daughter should get to pick her cake for her birthday party (not to mention that your SIL told her the same thing!) and it's none of her business how you raise your child. The fact that she is getting this bent out of shape with a six year old over a cake shows that her level of maturity is about equal to a 5 year old.
Demanding a written apology from your daughter (who didn't even do anything wrong) is just as ridiculous, seems like her not coming would be best anyways considering how she is acting.
I'd tell her it's not even her choice anymore... she's not invited.
ownluc writes:
NTA. If you are a guest at a party where cake is served that you don't like, you smile and say "no thank you" and leave it at that. You don't get to demand that the host serve only cake that you like. Good on you for supporting your daughter and not forcing her to change her mind.
maclose writes:
NTA you don't owe her anything and she can keep her opinions to herself. Requesting an apology for a child is insane and if she doesn't want to attend because of it great. However some people don't like kid cakes so many will have multiple cakes for their guests to enjoy.
Not getting a 2nd cake because you don't want your daughter to compromise on her birthday??? What is wrong with you, this statement is completely unhinged.
How about you teach your daughter to be respectful and appreciative of her guests like a good host. Maybe you need to step back and think about how much easier this would've been if you didn't teach your daughter these kinds of values.