Woman loses patience with 'psychic coworker,' 'I don't WANT to talk to my dead grandma.' AITA? UPDATED 2X
When this woman is upset with her coworker, she asks the internet:
"I told my coworker to stop giving me “psychic messages” from my dead family members. AITA?"
I’ve worked at my current company for six years. In that time, I befriended a coworker (Rebecca) who, to be honest, seemed very lonely but was sweet. We had some things in common and she sat with me at lunch sometimes.
We’re completely remote now, but the two of us would still occasionally get together to go on shopping trips, ren faires, etc.
Eventually she became kind of pushy about wanting to be included in every outing I ever mentioned. I managed to always let her down gently, but it started to feel like I was the only person who ever wanted to hang out with her.
On our last outing, it was a decently long drive. Rebecca took up a large portion of the drive telling me about how she had gotten really into this one “psychic” on Tiktok who offers paid classes to “train your psychic abilities.”
She went on and on about this, and asked if I would want messages from my mom, who died over a decade ago. I told her it was a sweet thought, but no thank you, because that’s really not my sort of thing.
During this conversation, she also told me about how she was taking a ton of unpaid time off of work and became behind on many of her bills, some of which were possibly going to collections.
But she was still taking Tiktok psychic classes. Being trapped in a car with her, it was way too awkward for me to really speak my mind about it. Plus, I felt like it wasn’t really my place.
This year has been very difficult for me in regards to loss. My grandmother, who I lived with, passed suddenly.
Very recently I got a new puppy, who tragically passed in a horrible accident not even a week after I brought him home. It was extremely traumatic for me, but most people around me have been very caring and thoughtful in normal ways.
But … Rebecca. After my grandmother passed, she almost immediately sent me an unsolicited “message” from her, telling me how she was at peace, etc. I was freshly grieving, so I just told her thank you.
A few months later, she sent me another “message” she’d received, telling me my grandmother is proud of me and other vague things. It was a random message out of nowhere after having not spoken in a while, so I just thanked her again and moved on with my day.
But then I went through losing my puppy. I received three separate messages from Rebecca, telling me, “He’s with your mom and grandma, they’re all happy and they love you.” This was less than 24 hours after losing him.
Then, last night, she sent me another message giving details about how my dead family members are playing with my dead dog, and very specific behaviors my dog is doing, like spinning around and barking, and how my grandmother found it funny. I finally lost my patience.
I thanked her for thinking of me and caring, but said I did not ask for messages from the great beyond and do not want to hear any more. That sorry to be rude but you're a fraud.
She apologized but also sort of excused her behavior, saying she “doesn’t mean to upset me more” and that “sometimes I keep getting the messages over and over until I pass them on.”
For the record, she met my grandmother maybe twice, briefly, and (obviously) never met my mom, or my puppy. And, shockingly, she never mentions any of my other passed family members or pets.
Is there a way I can shut her down more assertively if she tries this again, without saying something like, “Please stop pushing your Tiktok psychic scam crap on people who don’t ask for it”?
I don’t want to completely cut off my relationship with her, though we’re not in the same department anymore. I also feel bad because she had come to my grandmother’s service to support me, which I appreciated it, but I also feel at this point she has way overstepped some boundaries.
I tend to have a lot of trouble enforcing my boundaries without people taking it really poorly, so I’d love some kind of script for this!
Before we give you OP's updates, let's take a look at some of the top responses:
This might be an unpopular comment, but I have a medium who I see fairly regularly. There is a whole opening/closing ritual that is part of every session and she would NEVER contact me out of the blue to tell me one of my dead relatives had contacted her. That just isn’t the way it works.
OP responds:
I have no issues with people doing these sorts of things for themselves! I enjoy tarot card readings and even got a psychic reading at a ren faire because the lady offered me a discount. They can be very spiritually helpful, especially in difficult times.
But they’re supposed to be pretty personal and private things, right? The fact that I’ve been remotely open to this stuff before is probably what made her think I’d be ok with this giant unreasonable leap in Psychic Shenanigans…
doccupant writes:
NTA. People who prey on the vulnerabilities of those in a state of grief are really some of the lowest forms of life walking upright on two legs. If you want to believe in bald nonsense, that's your business.
I've certainly got my own brand of nonsense that I believe, as certain people online are fond of pointing out. Whatever gets you through the night, I say.
But when you turn that into an MLM scheme or some other way to enrich yourself at the expense of people like Rebecca and her circle of friends and family, you've crossed the line from providing comfort to causing grief.
That's when you need to start imagining a suitable fate for yourself in the metaphysical framework of your choosing, because if I catch you trying it with me or mine, I'll give you a whole new religion to believe in.
My mother blew $30k on this crap, and that's just what I could find the receipts for after she passed away. She was-
Oh, hold on a moment, I've just been handed a note from the beyond. It's from my mother. It reads, "Don't test him on this one, he's dead fg serious."
crannb writes:
YTA. The OOP befriends a coworker she doesn't really like and who annoys the hell out of her but the OOP continues to invite this person to be part of her life and then complains to us about it.
The OOP creates her own problems and then feeds and waters those problems and expects sympathy from us for her suffering.
She's a sympathy seeker/ a pity procurer. It's up to her to figure out why. She already knows what to do about it when she's ready for it to end. In the meantime, I'm giving her no sympathy.
The OOP gets a puppy who, almost immediately, dies tragically and, two days later, gets another. Who does that? I already didn't have any sympathy for the OOP but this put her far in the minus category.
gaeee writes:
And to add some actual substance: OP is being very reasonable here! Like Alison said, you have very kindly handled someone’s repeated intrusions during an incredibly difficult time.
Rebecca doesn’t deserve any more allowances; she’s already used up the goodwill she earned by coming to the service. Please shut her down as firmly as you need the next time she tries anything, and take care of yourself. Maybe dialing back the friendship wouldn’t be a bad thing. I’m very sorry for your losses.
And now, OP's update:
Hi everyone, OP here. Thank you all for your kind words and support. I was pretty sure I was in the right, but needed some reassurance/advice for any possible future… situations.
The one commenter who called me out as a people pleaser, you’re definitely not off-base!
It can come with a lifetime of being treated like a horrible rude monster for being like, “hey can we not discuss my severe phobia that will make me lose consciousness within seconds right now? please?”, lol.
I’ve done a lot of “sacrificing my own wishes/well-being for the sake of helping out/being nice to other people” and it’s something I’m definitely working on.
Feeling “mean” toward people (enforcing boundaries I’ve clearly set or stepping back from friendships with people I don’t even particularly enjoy being around) still feels like my worst nightmare.
But I’m getting better at realizing it’s not my job or responsibility to be friends with everyone just because they’ve enjoyed my existence in the past, or we have like 2 things in common.
Update 2:
I’m the letter-writer who had a coworker who was giving unsolicited messages from dead family members and pets I’d only very recently lost.
I don’t have a very exciting update, but I guess that’s a good thing. Since I wrote in, I haven’t had any issues with Rebecca trying to send me messages from the spirit world against my will.
She’s taken a step back and we’ve definitely gone back to more “work friend” stuff — like she very occasionally asks how I’m doing, and chats to me about video games she’s playing. I’m keeping my plans with friends off of public channels so she can’t insert herself into them.
This is a relief, because in my personal life, I had to have my other dog of 14 years put down last week. It wasn’t sudden and I was prepared, though of course it’s still very difficult. Rebecca hasn’t said anything to me other than offering me normal condolences.
Something I didn’t mention in my first letter is that, only two days after I tragically lost my puppy, I actually wound up finding another (of a different breed).
He had already been picked out of his litter, but the woman who was supposed to take him had her horse suddenly die that morning, so she decided against it. Just an awful weekend for pets.
Though of course I wasn’t at all trying to “replace” the dog I lost, having this little guy has been such a comfort for all I’ve been going through, especially after losing my other dog. We’re both doing great, and it seems life is finally calming down.
I know I posted in the comments of my original letter, but I want to just give another thank you to everyone for the support and kind words. I really do love the AAM community. I attached a pic of my puppy Sammie for everyone’s enjoyment, if that’s allowed!