Woman makes husband block friend with 'weird energy' who warned him not to marry her. AITA? UPDATED

"AITA to ask my husband to block his female friend who warned him not to marry me?"

I (26F) want my husband (27M) to immediately block one of his friends Kyla (27F). He thinks I am overreacting, and wants opinions from some cool-headed people on if I am just acting crazy, or this is something that would cross the line for you.

My husband has a group of 8 friends he is close with since his college days. Kyla is one of his friends. When my husband and I started dating, he introduced me to all of them, and everyone was very friendly. I used to hang out with them frequently.

I am an introvert, and so is my husband. I would always ask him to spend time alone as being in social settings just saps all my energy away. His friends, and especially Kyla always made it a point to tell me how he hangs out with them less after he started dating me.

Kyla also had a weird energy around me. If I was with my husband, she would be the most friendliest with me. However, as soon as he walked away, she acted like I did not exist. My husband hates to be touched by others (we both are ND), but Kyla would always tease him by trying to hug him, mess his hair, etc. I never felt she was flirting with him, but just teasing him to make him annoyed. Overall, she just feels like a person who has a severe social boundary issue.

We got married two years ago, and things have been great between us. Last week, we had our second marriage anniversary and invited a bunch of people. His friends stayed back after all the guests left, and we were all drinking and chatting. One of his friends Jen became a bit tipsy and started complimenting me on how beautiful our house is, how I care for my husband, and how he has changed for the better since marriage.

Everyone was laughing at my husband at how much of a slob he was when is was single. Jen then pointed at Kyla and said, "You better pay up, coz you had bet that their marriage would not even last for two years". Everyone became silent and started changing the topic. I also did not want to spoil the mood, and let it go, but it stuck in my head.

After everyone left, I asked my husband what Jen was talking about. He also had noticed Jen saying that and was ready with a full explanation. He told me the story of what happened when we got engaged. When he proposed to me, he had not told his friends that he was going to do that. We went on a trip to Puerto Rico, and he surprised me there.

We put our engagement pictures on Instagram while we were on the trip, and it was a big surprise to everyone as we were only dating for 1 year. When he came back and met all his friends, everyone congratulated him. However, Kyla started ranting about how he was a fool to propose so quickly, and she felt that I was not the right girl for him.

Seems like she said some unkind things about me implying I was a gold-digger. My husband's family is wealthy, but so is mine. She had said that she bet we would break up within two years if we got married. That is why Jen was taunting her about how happy my husband was with me.

I was very furious at this point, as I feel this is something he should have told me. I asked him to tell me truthfully if he had ever dated Kyla or had any history with her as he has always told me that he has never dated anyone from his friend group. He said that he has of course not dated or hooked up with Kyla.

However, Kyla had asked him out a few times when they were in college, and he always politely declined. I asked why is said no to her, and he said he just does not have any romantic feelings for her. I can see that because my husband does have a "type" based on me or the other people he has dated in the past, and Kyla is the opposite of that.

I am just mad at her for saying bad things about me, especially after knowing that we were already engaged and betting against my marriage. I told my husband that he needs to minimize contact with Kyla and she is not invited to parties at our house anymore.

He feels I am being too harsh for something she said almost 3 years ago. He also pointed out that, she has been very supportive to both of us, and also helped a lot during our wedding arrangements.

He feels she is just blunt and forthright when she speaks, but does not mean those things. He told me to take some time and calm down, and we would revisit this topic in a week. He is worried this will completely change the dynamics within his friend group.

Am I the AH for wanting him to block her and stop inviting her to our house? Do you think I am overreacting? I think betting against our marriage and bad-mouthing me behind my back seems like a huge betrayal. I am also mad at my husband that he kept this fact from me, and also never told me that Kyla asked him out during college days.

Am I just being crazy and reactive? How would you react in this situation? I don't want to distance my husband from his friends, but I also do not want to see that bitch Kyla's face again.

Here's what top commenters had to say about this one:

Ok_Perception1131 said:

NTA. I probably wouldn’t be that bothered if someone, at the time of my engagement, didn’t think it would last. It’s not uncommon for someone to think that and be pleasantly surprised when the marriage works out.

What would bother me is that she clearly has feelings for your husband and, rather than keeping them to herself (because he’s married and not interested), she’s expressing her feelings by flirting with your husband and icing you out when he’s not around.

Your husband should have put a stop to that nonsense a LONG time ago. However, I’m giving him the benefit of the doubt by thinking maybe he’s clueless and doesn’t notice, plus she’s been only cold to you when he’s not around.

HOWEVER, once you pointed out her behavior to him and explained it was making you uncomfortable, he should have stood up for you. That means he should have had a discussion with her in which HE states “I’ve noticed your touching me, etc and it makes me uncomfortable.

Also, you’re only friendly with my wife when I’m around. I’d like these behaviors to stop. If they don’t stop, I won’t hang out with you anymore.” Note that he needs to state that HE’s noticed these things and HE’D like it to stop; he shouldn’t try to put the blame on you by saying “My wife doesn’t like…” He needs to man up and stand up for you, his wife. And if she doesn’t comply, then he should follow through and cut her out of his life.

My husband has a former coworker who seemed (to me) to be stalking him on social media. He immediately said he would block her. I told him he didn’t need to (it wasn’t a big deal, we never see her in person anyway) but he blocked her anyway, as he said he didn’t want me to ever feel uncomfortable and that my feelings are more important to him than the feelings of a former coworker.

This is what your husband should be telling you: that he cares more about your happiness than the happiness of another woman who is secretly hoping his marriage will fail because she’s in love with him. Please show your husband the responses here.

aspermyprevious said:

NTA. Being “blunt” or “forthright,” isn’t a pass to be rude and contemptuous to your friend’s SO. I consider myself forthright snd yet I can still use manners and tact. I would dump a friend who was so snakeish to my husband and I.

1HourADay said:

NTA. It's definitely natural for you to dislike Kyla. Sounds like she's into your husband. It'll probably be hard for him to outright block her considering the dynamic of the friendgroup and the last thing you want is to turn all his friends against you.

Personally I don't think blocking her is the solution but to instead sit him down and seriously voice your concerns. That she would say something like that, that she touches him too often, that she would bet against your marriage behind your back. That stuff needs to be shut down and he needs to be on your side.

Personally I'd get drunk with them and make a cocky joke to Kyla when you're alone that she's jealous you ended up with him instead of her and laugh in her face but I'm petty asf LOL.

Artistic_Sun1825 said:

NTA. Her behavior towards you when you're alone shows that her opinion has not changed. It's up to your husband to trust you and believe you when you tell him she is two-faced. If he can't, then he's not a good partner.

s-nicolexo said:

If it changes the dynamics of the friend group then there is no one to blame but Kyla. She’s the one who feels the need to cross boundaries and make bets against your marriage. I wouldn’t stop going to events that she is invited to but I also wouldn’t invite her into my home nor to events that I’ve planned/hosted. NTA.

jacksonlove3 said:

She’s not “just blunt and forthright” she has/had a huge crush on your husband and that’s not an excuse to be disrespectful to you or to your marriage. Her behavior and comments were rude, inconsiderate, disrespectful and childish.

Maybe if she acknowledged & genuinely apologized for these things, it could be something to work thru but that’s your choice and whether or not she ever would. I’d be uncomfortable being around her knowing all this now too though.

And your husband is making excuses. I totally understand not wanting to make waves in the friend group, but it comes down to priorities. NTA.

UPDATE:

I had posted almost 6 months ago regarding my husband's friend Kyla betting that our marriage would not last for more than 2 years. I was upset and had asked my husband to stop talking to her, because she disrespected our marriage.

Since then, Kyla has pulled some really pathetic sh%t to stir up issues between my husband and I. After I wrote the post, my husband was trying to convince me that Kyla's was just joking when she made those comments, and it happened so long ago.

Kyla messaged me the next day apologizing me for her comments and also not making more efforts to connect with me. I accepted her apology and started warming up to her. She started inviting me for brunches and girls' night out with them and I felt included in their friend group.

One day during brunch, I brought up why Kyla really thought our marriage would not work out. Kyla told me that my husband broke up with his long-term ex-girlfriend Joanna 2 months before he started dating me. I knew that part, but Kyla told me that my husband was really heartbroken after the breakup and swore to her that he would stay away from dating anyone.

When he met me (my mom set us up on a blind date), she was surprised how quickly we hit it off. Kyla thought that I was his rebound relationship, but when he proposed to me within a year, she was worried that he was making a very rash decision.

My husband's family is rich, and she thought it was unwise for him to marry so quickly without knowing me well. She did not know enough about me and that my family is also very well-off.

That is why she was concerned that I was taking advantage of his vulnerable state. She apologized to me and said that it was wrong for her to assume that and over the years, she has seen how happy we are together. I appreciated her honesty and Kyla and I became good friends since then and started hanging out more frequently.

Around 2 months ago, my husband went for a conference to Seattle for three nights After he came back, I got a "Hey girly" message on Instagram from Joanna (his ex). She told me that my husband contacted her a few months ago and they met in Seattle during the conference, and she could give me more proof if I wanted.

I went through my husband's Instagram, but he seems to have blocked her. I made a mistake of mentioning it to Kyla, as she as the only person honest to me about Joanna and she went in detective mode to help me.

She was still friends with Joanna on Instagram, as they all went to college together, and opened her profile. The message sent to me was from a different profile, with no followers.

We checked her photos, and we saw that she attended the same conference as my husband did in Seattle. Kyla suggested I should ask Joanna for more proof and also ask my husband about the same before assuming the worst.

I asked my husband if he met Joanna, and he said yes. He told me he just met her in the expo hall and chatted with her for a few minutes. I asked him why he did not mention it to me, and he told me it was just a quick conversation, and he did not think too much of it. He asked me how I knew it, and I told him that Kyla mentioned that she saw her pictures at the conference, and I thought he might have seen her.

I messaged Joanna again to share more proof. She told me that they have been chatting for the past 2 months and planned to attend the conference together. She shared a log of their messages, where my husband was actively flirting with her.

The screenshots did look legit, but I did not see any of those messages in my husband's Instagram profile. I talked to Kyla about it, as I did not know what to believe.

I messaged Joanna to tell us what happened between them, and she told me that he invited her to the room at nights and they hooked up, but she does not have any photos as he insisted, they do not take any pictures together. I immediately realized it was fake and messaged Joanna to f-off.

She kept on insisting they were telling the truth, and she spent the nights with my husband in his room on all three nights. I told her that my husband and I were playing video game (Sea of Thieves) for almost 2-3 hours each night after his dinner as that is what we do to catch up when he is away. Unless Joanna was sitting behind him watching us play until he fell asleep, she was full of sh$t.

I also told my husband about the whole incident, and he told me I should have come to him sooner. He told me that he has gone no-contact with Joanna ever since they broke up, and he just ran into her at the conference.

He told me I could check his phone and everything to verify that he has blocked her everywhere. I told him I do not need to, and Joanna might have run into him and just decided to fuck his life by making up stuff.

When all the friends met that weekend, my husband and I told everyone about how Joanna sent messages to me and faked everything. Kyla was also telling what happened as she had told her about it.

Kyla accidently let it slip out that its luckily, we are nerds and played video games at nights before sleeping, else, props go to Joanna for making up a convincing story. I never told Kyla about the video game stuff. I just told her Joanna is full of sh$t, and I blocked her.

It took me until I came home to connect the dots. I told my husband about it, and he confronted Kyla. She denied it and told him that I told her about the video game stuff on a phone call, but I don't remember doing it. We have since decided to keep our distance from Kyla.

Kyla has called me multiple times to meet up, but I just make up reasons that I am busy. I do not know why she did it, but at this point, I am not interested in it, and we have decided to just see her on social occasions and avoid hanging out with her as much as possible.

I feel stupid that she played me for a fool, and I should have not gone to her when Joanna started messaging me. In hindsight, it seems suspicious that Kyla started telling me about Joanna and at the same time, Joanna claimed to have an affair with my husband.

I do not know what her intentions are, but I am mad enough that I will avoid her as much as possible. I wish I had some real proof that she was the one messaging me, so that I could expose her. I also feel bad for suspecting my husband. But I am glad my husband and I are on the same page now.

Here's what top commenters had to say about the update:

Edlo9596 said:

Does your husband also believe that Kyla made up a fake instagram account, pretending to be Joanna? Because that’s pretty psycho behavior.

Otherwise_Degree_729 said:

NTA. Kyle has been trying to break up your relationship since day one. Your husband needs to make a choice, I am not one for ultimatums but I also can’t tolerate utter ignorance.

She is not your friend and she is not your husbands friend and he is stupid for believing she is a friend. A friend doesn’t try to beak your marriage at every chance she gets.

No_Thanks_1766 said:

NTA. Only thing is, I wouldn’t make excuses to Kyla. I would tell her flat out that she’s a snake in the grass and you don’t keep people like that in your life.

[deleted] said:

Nta. That's soap opera level crazy. You were both taken for a ride and it's not either if your fault. Of course you're not gonna know who to believe and what to believe as this all unfolds. I'm sorry. I hope you and your husband are OK.

No-Assistance-7629 said:

Some people are crazy. That's a lot of effort she put into her whole scheme. Kyla is a piece of work. You should mention what Kyla did to your close friends and family. You never know what other lies and seeds she planted arround.