'AITA for not inviting my affair-child 'half sister' to my daughter’s birthday party?'
"AITA for not inviting my 'half sister' to my daughter’s birthday party?"
Okay, so this situation is pretty messed up. When I was 22, my ex-husband filed for divorce because he had an affair with my mother and had gotten her pregnant. At the time, I was also pregnant, and we had a three-year-old.
My ex-husband said that because my mother was older than me (she was 36 or 37 at the time), she needed his support more than I did. Two years later, I had no contact with either of them.
Fast forward to two weeks ago. My daughter is now in the 4th grade and asked if she could have a sleepover party for her birthday/back-to-school party. I told her we could send invites to her class using the class roster/contact sheet the teacher had emailed the parents.
When I was going through the list, I unfortunately noticed that my mother and ex-husband are listed as parents of a little girl in my daughter's class. About half of the parents, including my mother and my ex, opted out of having their contact information on the sheet. So we invited the six girls from my daughter's class whose parents had shared their email to the party.
My mother found out about the party and has been livid ever since, trying so many toxic ways to contact me and get her daughter invited. I don't want her daughter at the party, mainly because the whole situation is very painful and brings up bad emotions, and I don't want to have a relationship with the kid.
So, at pickup yesterday, my mom made a scene in front of the other parents and called me an a%#hole for excluding her daughter, who is very sad about not being invited. AITA for being firm on not asking her daughter? I feel bad about it, but my daughter doesn't get along with her.
Here are some of the top comments from the post:
jvhgh says:
Absolutely NTA (Not the A%!hole). You have a valid reason not to be involved in their lives anymore. Even if it were not for your reasoning, you would still have the right to choose who can and cannot come to your child's party.
It will cause issues if the children don’t already know they are related. From the sounds, your mom will fill her daughter into who your daughter is to create drama.
Disastrous-Oven-4465 says:
NTA yikes. Your mom is toxic AF. Her kid probably doesn’t even want to go.
__Its-a-me-mario__ says:
NTA. Firstly, what in Alabama is this situation? Secondly, you are in no contact with them (understandably), so, oddly, they would expect an invite in the first place.
Thirdly, as you suggested, you invited those whose parents opted into the contact information so you could arrange this correctly, and it's not your fault they opted out. That's on them. I can see why they might think you are taking it out on their daughter (even if that isn't true), but the context is important here.
Both the situation of your ex and mother, as well as them not opting to share contact information for the class, makes them not being invited completely rational. It's not like they were not invited; as you say, they weren't the only parents who didn't share the contact information. And lastly, it's probably being used more as a ploy to try and get some contact with you.
What do you think? Is OP right to not let her half-sister come or is she taking out her pain on a child she doesn't know?