Woman refuses to attend 'jerk' BIL's wedding over body-shaming comment he made 2 years ago. AITA?
'AITA for refusing to attend my BIL's wedding because he is “too fat?'"
I (27F) refused to go to my BIL's (31M) wedding because of an argument that happened 2 months before my wedding. My wedding was my moment, I had everything planned and it was everything I had dreamed of, well almost.
My BIL is a massive jerk, typical chad-type. He thinks he is famous and he is unbelievably arrogant and unnecessarily mean, so when it came to my wedding he was a bull who saw red. He texted my husband and begged him not to marry me because I was “fat” and “unhinged."
I am a size 12 womens and 5’6. I am by no means fat. We still decided to allow him to come as he was family and I didn’t want to make a bad impression on my in-laws but on the day of the wedding he ruined my husbands day with a last minute message saying he refused to attend. His reason was that I was a “food-eating hurricane that was more horizontally challenged than Saturn to the point that the rings didn’t fit."
Now this didn’t ruin my day as the thought that must have been behind this insult actually makes it hilarious, in my head I can imagine him writing ideas on paper and scrunching the bad insults up but it ruined my husbands day which gave the wedding an off vibe.
But now he is getting married and in that time he has ironically got obese, he is only just obese but still clinically defined as obese. So I refused to attend his wedding because he is “too fat” for me to attend.
He told my in-laws and now my in-laws are blowing up my husbands phone telling him that I have to attend because I am being petty and holding a grudge and that if I don’t attend then they will go no contact with us both.
My husband is upset about this and has asked me to go for his sake because it has been 2 years and I should have moved on. AITA?
EDIT:
YES in-laws know what he has said but they allowed it as it was a “bad day” (his ex filed a restraining order), they allowed it saying he didn’t mean it etc. So we just moved on with our lives. Also I am not fat phobic, also not upset about my body, I am now comfortably a size 14.
BIL made many fat comments so I just find it ironic that it has now been clinically stated that he is obese after being so cruel to me for being “fat." He thinks he is famous by having to feel like he is on a red carpet, needs attention on him, we have to cater to his needs, have to have certain things at events like a certain brand beer (even at kids parties), a fan when it is hot and other small things that inconvenience any host.
Here's what the top commenters had to say about this one:
Chaoticgood790 said:
Ask your husband how you move forward without an apology. Then ask him how he would feel if someone tried to make him feel small and you did nothing but told him to move on. I’ll wait.
FlounderSolid2659 said:
NTA Your husband’s brother insulted you and ruined your husband’s wedding day. He never apologized for it. Why is your husband not defending you? Why is he putting his family over you? The brother is getting a taste of his own medicine. And his family is just supporting his ahole behavior.
CityGirLN said:
NTA. DO NOT ATTEND! If the in-laws want to cut off there son because there daughter in law has self respect then be it.
eurotrash4eva said:
NTA but also damn husband's fam does not sound great. The fact that your husband's family is threatening to cut him off because you choose not to attend speaks volumes about them.
Charmingbeauty5562 said:
NTA but I don’t understand your husband. Ok, he’s trying to keep the peace but it is at the expense of you and him. Your BIL didn’t just insult you, he tried to actively persuade your husband not to marry you and while he didn’t ruin your wedding day because you were able recognize the fact that he is a moron, he did ruin your husband‘s day by not coming.
Do your in-laws usually give him a free pass and treat him like a golden child? And does your future SIL realize what a “gem” of a guy she’s marrying?
No-Echidna5697 said:
NTA, but I am more confused as to why your partner hasn’t stuck up for you or set more boundaries with his family. I think your husband should be leading the charge so to speak as far as managing the relationship with his family, and dealing with his parents (who seem to enable their other son) and rude brother.
bookreader-123 said:
NTA but I would attend and make sure everyone knows it but can't say anything about it.
Dept-of-Crazy said:
Why would you not going even matter to this dude? Obviously you guys don’t like each other. He doesn’t need you there to have a good day. Your husband could still go. It’s not like the world will end because you didn’t attend.
JadieJang said:
NTA, but make SURE you send the in-laws your reason DIRECTLY. You don't know what kinds of exaggerations and outright lies he's telling them.