Woman refuses to attend wedding because the bride requires an oversized suit. AITA?
"AITA for refusing to attend my best friend's wedding because she wants me to wear an oversized suit (I'm a woman)?"
Rita (29F) and I (31F) have been best friends for nearly a decade, but ever since she announced she was getting married our friendship has been unraveling at supersonic speed, starting with her picking her sister in law to be her maid of honor even though they barely knew each other.
I've been getting over all of the shenanigans she's been pulling by saying that it's her wedding, her rules, but this one is the straw that broke the camel's back.
Friday she revealed what dresses she picked for the bridesmaids: very lovely green gowns. She then took me aside and requested that unlike the other bidesmaids, I wear a suit.
Not just any suit, but one she picked herself which was an oversized, badly tailored green suit that honestly looked like something the riddler would wear if he had to shop in a Gotham goodwill on a tight budget. I'm not talking trendy oversized, I'm talking a 10 times too big, badly tailored men's suit.
Her reasoning was that me being in a dress at her wedding would make her uncomfortable and she would overthink that I was drawing too much attention because of my body shape.
I'm a small woman with big "assets" and an exaggerated hourglass figure, there's nothing I can do about it it's just how the women in my family are built, and if anything I wear loose clothing to avoid any unwanted remarks or attention and because I'm not the biggest fan of how I look.
I've never worn a suit in my life, but I tried to reason with her and ask if I could pick the one I had to wear myself but she refused. I floated like 10 dresses by her, which were very unflattering on me and loose as hell, but she still refused. I told her me being dressed like a clown would be what would actually attract the attention, but she's adamant that's the only solution.
So I tore off the bandaid myself and told her I wasn't coming to her wedding, since there was no way I was going to wear what she wanted me to. She accused me of being selfish, uncaring, and vain. I live in a small town and news of this traveled fast since her soon to be husband thought it was appropriate to spread the info to anybody and everybody.
A couple of people have made some passive aggressive remarks saying I should basically suck it up since she's been a great friend towards me for a decade, which is true. I feel like sh$t since I've just lost my one best friend over something so stupid, but at the same time I feel like the whole thing is humiliating with how outrageous it is. AITA? Should I have tried to reason more?
Here's what top commenters had to say about this one:
No_Kangaroo_5883 said:
NTA. She and anyone else who thinks this is even on the same continent of a reasonable ask are bat sh$t crazy. Good riddance to her!
superflex said:
NTA. She's unfairly singling you out over her own insecurities. Friends don't do that to each other. Being the bride does not, in fact, give her permission to treat people like sh$t. Weddings really do bring out the worst in some people.
Usual-Arugula1317 said:
NTA - it's unacceptable to bodyshame anyone for any reason and just because it's done in UNOreverse doesn't mean you just have to take it. Good on you for having enough respect for yourself to tell the selfish and vain bride where to stick it.
Gljvf said:
Nta. If they make passover aggressive remarks just tell them the truth. She was afraid I would up stage her at her wedding and was freaking out trying to put me into poorly fitting g suits. So being the great friend that I am, I decided to not attend so she can just focus on being haply and confident at her wedding. That's all you need to do.
Medical_Gate_5721 said:
NTA. "Listen, I don't want to be friends with you anymore. Don't think of this as me dumping you. Think of this as me having enough self respect to see that you're not my friend. Bye."
FatSurgeon said:
NTA!! God, what is with insecure brides thinking another woman will upstage you at your wedding? There’s only ONE bride wearing a BIG WHITE DRESS AND BIG VEIL. Super hard to upstage that unless you’re a bozo!
LadyJ_Freyja said:
NTA. You are a better person than me because I would've gone to the wedding dressed as the riddler, walking around all night saying "riddle me this." OP would actually stand out more dressed like this. For years people will only talk about that suit and how odd it looked. That's all people would remember about the wedding.