Woman refuses to forgive mother-in-law, 'my children only wanted her money.' AITA?

"I refuse to forgive mother-in-law for what she said..."

My husband (52m) and I 47(f) have been together almost 28 years, have 2 grown up children and a house we have paid the mortgage off on. Almost 3 years ago we decided that seeing as we'd done everything else, it was time to finally get married. We decided to get married on the date that would have been our 25th anniversary. We told my parents, who were over the moon.

Told his Mum and step dad, who at the start of the planning were really happy. Fast forward to a year later when it came to his mum traveling over for the wedding. (for context, she lives in Northern Ireland and we are in England) 1st thing was, his step dad wouldn't be coming as he had to stay at home with a poorly dog!...

Then his mum said that she was getting a flight 3 days before the wedding, my HTB said that he would be working for the time leading up to the wedding and this is where things went wrong. She accused him of refusing to collect her from the airport, that he was being uncaring etc. She then went on to say horrible things about me.

5 years ago I paid for a flight for my hubby and daughter to go over to see her in Ireland as a surprise for them all, well this was apparently not what she wanted and that I should've just saved my money etc. Then she went on to berate my children (who at the time were 21 and 17), how they only wanted her money and that they never spoke to her!

This barrage of insults went on for almost an hour (first phone call). On my birthday 17 days before the wedding she called the house again and started all over again. And ended the call with "I will not be at the wedding, you can forget it!" My husband did absolutely nothing wrong through all of this.

It didn't spoil our day though we had the most wonderful time. Since then I have refused to speak to her not just because of the horrible things she said about me and my kids, but the fact that this would have been the only one of her children that she would see get married and she'd caused him so much upset and hurt! My husband didn't speak with her again until the Christmas following our wedding in the October.

AITA for not forgiving her for being so petty and disrespectful to us and our children? Oh and I haven't ever stopped or tried to stop hubby or kids from speaking to her. Just to add, my husband has been amazing through all of this - he has stood by me the whole way through and totally gets why I will not speak to her.

Here's what people had to say about this one:

SavannahCallaway said:

Wow what a nightmare. Your poor husband. She sounds incredibly toxic. I wouldn't be talking to her either after all that. NTA.

Beautiful-Peak399 said:

NTA. Even with an apology, I would not want a relationship with her.

grayblue_grrl said:

"This barrage of insults went on for almost an hour (first phone call)." Why? Why would you let that happen? Hang up. No one gets to harangue you for an hour without your consent. NEVER let that stand. NO ONE SHOULD. And of course you don't need to talk to her. She is NOTHING to you except anxiety and stress. NTA.

JustAHookerAtHeart said:

NTA. Forgive her for YOUR sake, but that doesn’t mean you have to let her into your life. Post pictures and/or talk up your amazing day to people who will run back to her with the info. (I’ve got a wee bit of Irish in me so I know how to forgive and be spiteful in the same breath). She missed a great day. Congrats on your union.

frauleinsteve said:

NTA. And if you ever do speak to her, tell her what an EFFING beeyotch she is and how you're not going to put up with it anymore.

Variable_Cost said:

You can forgive, but not forget. Just don't reach out or engage. There is nothing that says you have to make any grand gestures or declarations. Just be casual about ignoring her.

nolaz said:

NTA it’s unlikely she wants to speak to you, unless it’s to berate and insult you some more. You’re giving her what she wants — access to your husband without you or the kids. People will say that’s a bad thing—she should be thwarted at all costs!—but realistically, you’re happy, your husband’s happy, she’s happy and not bothering you. Win win win.

santanapoptarts said:

NTA STAY AS FAR AWAY FROM HER TOXICITY AS POSSIBLE. She’s a tool that’s pretty dull so don’t engage in fixing that relationship.