Woman refuses to go out with SO's 'wealthy and entitled' friend; he loses it. AITA?
"AITA for refusing to dine out with my husband’s best friend?"
My husband has a best friend named John that he’s known since college. I really like John but it’s worth mentioning that John grew up very differently from both me and my DH in that he comes from a wealthy family who supported him financially until he graduated from college and got his first job working for a major bank.
He doesn’t know what it’s like to be poor or work a lower paying service job and have to make ends meet because he never had to. I don’t think it makes him a bad person, just out of touch with reality.
That leads me to this: one thing about John is that I absolutely hate going out to eat with him. He is so rude to servers and will often find reasons to not tip them. He has a habit of trying to order off menu or adding so many modifications to a dish that it’s no longer recognizable and will get angry if it’s even a little bit wrong (he doesn’t have any allergies or intolerances). Dining with him can be embarrassing and mentally exhausting.
Last night was the last straw for me. The three of us and another couple decided to try a newer restaurant in our city. After being seated, John seemed to be on his best behavior. No complicated cocktail or food order, in fact he got a glass of wine and only made two modifications to his entree.
The only negative was that our server seemed to be in the weeds because of how busy the restaurant was, but she was pleasant and you could tell she was trying her best to keep us happy which is all that should matter. John got pissed because she wasn’t refilling his water as soon as he finished it, his second glass of wine took a while, and our entrees took about a half hour to get out.
All the while he’s talking about how this was going to be reflected on his tip. I was annoyed. And then when our entrees did come out, one of his mods didn’t come out right and he went ballistic on the server, told her how dumb she was, etc. I’ve never seen him get that angry with a server before, usually he’s just passive aggressive.
In response, I lost it at him and told him that he was overreacting to such a small slight and that it probably wasn’t her fault. If he had such an issue, then he needed to speak to a manager and not yell at her about it. His meal was fixed soon after and the rest of the night went on smoothly. Of course John left no tip so I doubled mine to make up for it.
In the parking lot, I told him that I would never eat out with him ever again if he was going to continue to act entitled to restaurant workers. I added that he needed to humble himself and not act like he’s above anyone who doesn’t work a white collar job because not all of us were born into money and left without saying goodbye.
On the car ride home, DH told me my comments to John were inappropriate and that I was an AH to him because he had every right to be mad. I replied that I had the right to not want to eat with people who behave like he does because it’s exhausting.
Here's what the top commenters had to say here:
Nester1953 said:
I say, good for you! You stood up for the young woman John was victimizing when she likely would have lost a job she needs had she stood up for herself. As for your husband, he thinks John had the right to treat the server like dirt and go ballistic on her? He's wrong.
And please don't blame John's privilege for his terrible behavior. Blame John, pure and simple. The issue is John's character, not his wealth. There are plenty of people from all walks of life who treat people in service jobs respectfully and, unfortunately, a few who don't. NTA.
Unable-Ad148 said:
NTA. F your husband. When someone like that is part of your dinner party and it impacts your experience, they brought you into their tantrum. You can tell the character of a person by how they treat servers and how they hold money over someone's head. Maybe DH felt too seen since he seems to be fine with the belittling going on.
Waste_Public_9374 said:
NTA. I've been a server going on five years, I have encountered people like John. Unfortunately they stick with you; I still remember being 19 and having my first rude customer at a family owned pancake house in rural Virginia.
Luckily the sons (three big, Greek men who protected their servers) never put up with that. The server will unfortunately remember John, but she'll also remember his friend who stood up for her.
CrankyWife said:
NTA. But you gotta wonder about your hubby who thinks John's behavior is ok. If you do go out again, let your husband know that for every time John is rude to the wait staff, you expect hubby to pony up an additional x% or $x to the tip. And keep a tally. Maybe then he will take notice.
HCIBSW said:
NTA It’s not social status that is to blame, it’s just John is an asshole, bought up by assholes most likely. He probably treats more than just servers this way. If he has employees or associates under him they get it too.
Imagine being on an airplane with him? The crap the stewardesses have to put up with, or god forbid a crying baby. I wonder why your husband doesn’t see or ignores johns attitude.