Woman REFUSES to take turn hosting family dinners; 'Everyone bails on mine.' AITA?
"AITA for refusing to take my turn hosting family dinners after everyone always bails on mine?"
I (24F) come from a family that values big Sunday dinners, and we’ve always rotated between whose house we gather at. The idea is that everyone contributes by hosting one of these dinners, but recently, it feels like I’m the only one actually holding up my end of the bargain.
Every time it’s my turn to host, my siblings and even my parents seem to come up with last-minute excuses to skip.
The last time I prepared a full meal, my sister canceled an hour before because she “wasn’t feeling well,” and my brother had “work stuff.” I spent hours prepping and even made special dishes that everyone usually loves. This has happened several times now, and I’m starting to feel like my effort isn’t being appreciated.
Last week, it was my mom’s turn to host, and everyone showed up—no excuses, no last-minute cancellations. Now, my turn is coming up again, and I don’t feel like going through all the effort when no one ever shows up.
When I told my family that I was thinking of skipping my turn and letting someone else host, they got upset. My dad said I was being dramatic and that it’s just how family is sometimes, but I can’t help but feel like I’m always the one getting the short end of the stick.
AITA for refusing to host family dinners when no one ever shows up to mine?
Let's see what readers thought:
flfaty7 writes:
So two people didn’t show up. But the remainder did? YTA. Should your sister come when she is sick? If brother was working could someone have made a plate for him to pick up later? Change your perspective.
Don’t go out of your way to make a special dish for any one person. Just make the meals and if they come they come. If they don’t you have food your family can pack for leftovers.
cilantr writes:
YTA - have you talked to them? Maybe they think it’s too expensive for you to host and that they’re doing you a favour?
You say that you’re “the only one holding up your end of the bargain” - does that mean that no one else hosts, other than your mom?
Your family made a deal, you should uphold your end of it. That being said invite them, then order pizza AFTER they show up.
maybesopfi writes:
NTA. I’d be frustrated too if I put in all that time and effort only for everyone to bail last minute! It’s totally reasonable to feel like you’re being taken for granted. Hosting is a lot of work, and if no one’s showing up, it’s not worth the stress.
If they want you to host, they should show up or understand why you’re done playing this one-sided game. Not dramatic at all, just setting boundaries!
elkyn writes:
NTA. Last year I hosted thanksgiving. The day of 15 people cancelled. Some only an hour before.
The same thing happened for Friendsgiving the year before.
Everyone always loves me food and asks when I will make or bring something else when we get together, but they cant show up for a dinner well planned in advance with everyone agreeing on the day and time.
Cooking and preparing a large meal is a lot of work. If you have any ailments like me, it also means a painful back, a hand that I struggle to use the next day, and just overall exhaustion.
Personally I would order pizza the next couple of times. If they show up then the third Ill cook again. If the pattern comes back up, its back to pizzas. Its fine that they have life, they should just not expect a large meal if they arent showing up.
accepta writes:
Looks like they feel more obligated to go to the parents and feel less obligation towards siblings... do your sister and brother ever bail on eachother?? And obviously they don't want you to skip because one of them will have to pick up the slack
Suggest yall do family dinners every other week instead as apparently and every Sunday obligation is not feasible, heck I love my family but I don't want to give up every Sunday for the foreseeable future to spend time with them.. I have stuff I want to do on Sundays too
If you hadn't already asked to skip i would have just told you just to call them Saturday night and say you weren't feeling well and cancel last minute.. since your siblings have no problem getting sick last minute