'AITA for not wanting to invite my husband's cousin and her family to Thanksgiving dinner?' UPDATED
"AITA for not wanting to invite my husband's cousin and her family to Thanksgiving dinner?"
Two weeks ago we invited my husband's cousin, her husband, and their 5 children (11f, 8m, 4m, 3m, 6 months old baby boy) to our house for dinner. Her 4 older kids were horrible the entire time.
They broke some of my daughter's toys, got chocolate on our dining room chairs, they screamed every time they argued over things, they kept trying to terrorize my fish and bearded dragon, and the 11 year old girl was mean and told my 5 year old daughter that she looks like a boy, which she doesn't and I'm not just saying that because she's my daughter.
Since then, my daughter has been asking if she looks like a boy and we don't know what else to say to reassure her that she doesn't and that she's a very beautiful girl. During their time here, the mom had a hard time supervising them because she had the 6 month old to breastfeed and entertain, and the dad couldn't get the boys under control because they wouldn't listen to him.
The dad actually wanted to go outside and grill with my husband, but my husband kindly asked him to stay inside and help watch his kids after seeing how active and disruptive they were. Many times I offered my husband's cousin to hold and watch the baby so that she could keep an eye on her other kids, but she always refused.
I'm pregnant and felt too tired to deal with her boys, but at the same time I felt like that was the parents' job, and not mine. I had already spoken to the kids about how to treat animals, keeping their voices down while indoors, how to be gentle with other children's toys, but they literally didn't care.
After they left, my husband and I agreed that they will not be invited to our house again. If we want to spend time with them, it'd be at a park or something. We're hosting Thanksgiving this year, and we're now being highly critisized by his side of the family because we are not planning on inviting his cousin and her family.
They said that we should at least invite them one last time for Thanksgiving, but we don't want to deal with parents that can't keep their children under control in our house again. Are we aholes for not wanting to invite them for Thanksgiving dinner for a last time?
Here's what top commenters had to say about this one:
ChanceAd3606 said:
NTA and I hate to put it like this, but this is your husband's problem to deal with. This entire issue is entirely stemming from his side of the family, not yours. He should be doing a much better job shielding you and your children from their nonsense.
Maybe before Thanksgiving comes around again next year, you can reach out and offer to entertain them during a short one day event. If they can prove the family can behave themselves, then they can be welcome back for Thanksgiving again next year. If its just more of the same, then don't invite them. Easy.
zhyrafa said:
How about those who criticize you, why they don’t invite this family and then criticize. It's parents' fault their children acting like animals and not respecting other people house, and bullying kids. What they said to your daughter is absolutely horrible. Definitely NTA. Don’t get pressured into doing this, tell them they should invite and experience what it is to have them as house guests.
Age_and_guile said:
Offer those criticizing you the opportunity to host thanksgiving dinner. That way they can invite whoever they want. I wouldn’t let them into my house ever again.
Prince_Of_AllSaiyans said:
You’re telling me you’re gonna clean your whole house, host a huge party, cook a lot of the food, and you have to put up with disrespectful guests? Forget that! My family has big Thanksgiving parties and that would just be too much. It’s not your job to teach them how to behave. NTA.
HeddyL2627 said:
If someone else wants to host the cousin with the badly behaved children, that's their prerogative. But they don't get to dictate who you invite into your home. NTA.
nothisTrophyWife said:
NTA. My guess is that the people who told you that you’re awful for not inviting them aren’t willing to invite them either.
UPDATE:
I read someone's comment about us knowing beforehand how the kids behave, and that's not true. A little over two months ago, my husband received a call from his cousin, that he had not seen or heard of since they were teenagers, and she said that they've been living in our state for the past four years.
No one had any idea that she was living here, much less living just an hour away from us. On that phone call she invited us to her house to meet her family and so we went to her house on a weekend. The few hours we were in her home, the kids seemed well-behaved, and none of them acted crazy.
The worst they did was run around, but that's not an issue and I don't mind that at all. A few days later, my husband asked me if I was OK with him inviting them over one weekend for dinner and I agreed.
During their visit in our house, we were surprised by the children's behavior and we don't understand how they could be on their best behavior in their own home, and be out of control in someone else's home. We were under the impression that they knew how to behave in other people's homes the way they do in theirs.
EDIT:
We rotate holidays with husband's family. This year is our turn to host Thanksgiving, Christmas is at mil's, and new year's at sil's. This cousin has been living in our state for the past 4 years without ever letting the family know until about 2 months ago. They can spend the holidays with whoever has been hosting them for the past 4 years.