Woman refuses to let mechanic husband sleep in bed when he hasn't showered. AITA? UPDATED
"AITA if I don’t allow my husband to sleep in bed if he hasn’t showered?"
Me and my husband have a constant issue with him going to bed without having a shower. I’ve spoken to him many times and stated that I don’t want him to get into our bed without showering. Reason why is that first hygiene, second, he’s a heavy diesel mechanic who comes home caked in diesel fuel.
He washes as much as he can off at work but comes home and I can still see it visibly on his skin. He always makes the excuse that he’s too tired and cannot fall asleep straight away after his shower. He most definitely does fall asleep straight after his shower!
We constantly argue about it because I’m so sick of washing the sheets every second day because of the stains and smell on them. He makes me feel as if I’m asking too much and that I’m such a cow for not letting him get enough sleep.
(We have 2 kids, 1 year old and a 2 month old, I understand he’s tired from work and then helping me where he can with the kids but it’s just basic hygiene. I’m also a clean freak and I personally shower 2 times a day because I hate feeling sticky after running around with my daughter). Am I being an a-hole for demanding he shower before getting to bed??
Here's what top commenters had to say:
BitInteresting3011 said:
NTA - While I understand that he's tired his not showering also poses a health risk for both of you. Sleeping in or next to diesel fuel is not healthy. Have you tried approaching it from a health angle? If he still can't understand the concern, then it's appropriate to respond.
However, it is rarely productive to tell an adult what they can and cannot do. Not "letting" him sleep in your bed may make him feel as though he's being treated like a child. Might I suggest telling him what YOU will do?
"I will sleep in our bed when you shower before going to bed." If he doesn't, maybe you go sleep in the guest room. Same outcome, but wording that is less conflict ridden.
Humble_Ad4472 said:
If he was working a regular job I would say leave him alone but since he works with diesel fuel I would ask for the same thing. NTA.
True-Button-6471 said:
NTA - I worked construction many years ago and wouldn't even sit down on any of the furniture before showering. I came the door and straight for the bathroom.
candycoatedcoward said:
NTA. I'm surprised you're even able to wash the sheets with fuel on them. I'd make a new rule-- he showers immediately upon arriving home, or he sleeps on a guest bed and is solely responsible for laundering that bedding.
biggfoot_26 said:
NTA, why doesn’t he just shower when he gets home from work? That would solve the supposed sleep issue he is having and he would smell better in general.
lemongrenade said:
NTA all day. I work in a hot factory not even a mechanic and I wouldn’t dream of getting into bed without a shower even after a 17 hour day.
heyitsmarc said:
NTA. Does he know that petroleum by-products (diesel, gasoline) and used automotive oils are all suspected of increasing risks of cancer? It would be extremely irresponsible of your husband if he’s bringing it home with him.
UPDATE:
Wow I’m glad to see that I’m not crazy! He’s very unhygienic kind of person and I’ve been encouraging him to be a bit more clean. When he comes home from work and doesn’t shower, he won’t get up in the morning to shower neither.
He will wait till the next night. If I didn’t hound him to shower, he wouldn’t shower for a couple of days, trust me, I’ve actually timed it as a little experiment. For the past few months, I’ve been sleeping on the lounge while he sleeps in bed.
Tbh, he comes from a very clean home like his mum is a clean freak but didn’t teach her kids basic hygiene. He ever rarely brushes his teeth too, that’s a whole different story that sings the same song! I thought I was going crazy seriously! Thank you all for giving some amazing advice.