Woman refuses to let MIL with scoliosis sleep in empty teen stepdaughter's bed on Christmas. AITA?
"AITA for telling my MIL that she will not be sleeping in my teen's bed for the holidays?"
So I (33f) have accepted my MIL(66f) with staying at our home over the holidays, as she lives in South Carolina, and it is too far away from where we live. (for reference, i live central PA). I told my MIL that we would be blowing up an air mattress and putting it in the baby’s bedroom which he does not sleep in yet.
She claimed that the air mattress was too uncomfortable for her back, so we gave her different options such as the futon, couches pushed together, and even stacked pillows! She declined all of the above, and brought up my 14 year old stepdaughter's bed.
I told her this was absolutely off-limits, as this was my stepdaughter's bed and not hers! She proceeded to tell me that my stepdaughter would not be staying at our house at that time anyways, so it would be just fine. I told her that that was not the point, and that it is still not hers to sleep in.
I offered the futon, couches, and air mattress again and yelled that my stepdaughters bed is “pretty," and she should get to sleep in it. I told her that she would still not be sleeping in it.
She calls me and I pick up the phone, and she tells me that she will not be coming over for Christmas if she can’t sleep over in my stepdaughter's bed. I told her that it was fine, and would be less of a hassle. AITA for not letting her sleep in my teen's bed?
EDITS:
EDIT 1: I’ve talked to my stepdaughter about the situation, and she said she was a little uncomfortable about her grandma pushing for the 5th time this month, but said she was fine with her staying in her bed.
EDIT 2: I just wanted to clarify to everyone that we have just redone my stepdaughters bedroom less than a week ago, and she hasn’t slept in it yet. This upcoming weekend(Christmas when MIL will be coming over) will be the first time she is sleeping in it, and that means MIL will be sleeping in her new bedroom before her.
I wanted to save it for her especially since we put finishing touches. We have an extra room downstairs with a twin bed, but we didn’t want to split up MIL and FIL, but it was an option that she had declined.
EDIT 3: My stepdaughter had moderate-severe scoliosis and can NOT sleep on the ground. We purposefully made her bed comfortable and personalized to her liking when we redid her bedroom!!
Here's what top commenters had to say about this one:
AwkwardAquarian said:
Why is your husband not dealing with his own mother?
Individual_Respond44 said:
You know what sounds perfect for your MIL? A hotel.
LowHangingFrootLoop said:
NTA. Good job respecting your daughters personal space. and a futon or couch is just fine for anyone.
LilyNaowNaow said:
YTA! there's an empty bed and you won't let her sleep in it because it's new? Wow. What a horrible way to treat your guests.
Downwardspiralhams said:
Jesus Christ, some of you people are so weird. “Tell her to stay in a hotel.” It’s Christmas and this is family, I cannot fathom being so cold and sterile and mannerless to a family member who is coming to visit from states away.
There is an unoccupied bed and zero reason to not use it besides “it’s new and I wanted my step daughter to sleep in it first.” Anyway, YTA. Just say you don’t like your MIL instead of trying to do these mental gymnastics to justify why you’re a terrible host.
writer-villain said:
NTA. You gave options she had available if she came. She declined the options. She doesn’t have to come.
IStealCheesecake said:
You sound like a good parent trying to defend your daughter’s privacy etc however I’m sorry I'd have to disagree. If daughter is not using the bed, your relationship with MIL is normal, and hotel costs are expensive then YTA. Alternatively you could offer a hotel close by or partly pay for it. Assuming the same conditions apply.