Woman refuses to let her younger half sister have the 'something borrowed' she asked for. AITA?
"AITA for refusing to let my younger half sister have the something borrowed that she asked for?"
My younger half sister Leah (19f) is getting married. Our dad and her mom are paying for the wedding and this will come in a bit later. I (27f) was asked by Leah if she could borrow a necklace I wore on my wedding day, that was my mom's before me, which she wore to her wedding to my dad.
This was a sore topic. Even though my mom had wanted all of her jewelry to go to me, dad had given Leah a few things when she was a child. He told me I had no say in the matter and he loved my mom and wanted both his daughters to have pieces of her even though Leah is not my mom's child. I still dislike that she has some of my mom's jewelry. But I know dad has built her up to see it as something sweet.
So when she asked me to borrow the necklace I wore on my wedding day and mom wore on hers, it stung again. I told her she could not borrow that but I offered to let her borrow some of my jewelry. Stuff that isn't connected to my mom. Leah told me that wasn't fair and she wanted to get married matching me on my wedding day in some way.
She asked if I'd feel differently if dad and her mom weren't paying for it. She told me she knows I don't like her parents and she doesn't think I should take it out on her. I said no, it's not that, it's that I don't want to share my mom's jewelry with her. That I never wanted her to have some of my mom's stuff.
That was all dad. And I wasn't giving her another piece even just for one day. She accused me of gatekeeping my mom. She told me she had just as much right to it as I did. I asked her why when she has her own mom.
She told me because everyone knows dad only ever loved my mom and her mom is less than second best. And clearly sharing something from my mom means he loves her (Leah) as an actual daughter despite him not loving her mom.
That she wants to feel like I love her as a true sister and not some half thing that I wish didn't exist. She told me letting her borrow the necklace can show that. I still said no. AITA?
Here's what top commenters had to say about this one:
BeMandalorTomad said:
NTA. The obvious: it’s your property. You have every right to say no for any reason you like. She’s a jerk for pressing the matter when your answer was no. Secondly: it’s so weird that she wants a piece of jewellery owned by the only woman her dad loved. That’s like saying "well if dad didn’t love her, neither did I!"
angelcat00 said:
NTA. It sounds like Leah didn't hear the word "no" enough when she was growing up. She doesn't have the right to your stuff. And she doesn't have a right to your mom. You have your mom's jewelry because you no longer have your mom. She still has her mom, so she can stop whining about how unfair it is that you won't share your mementos with her.
honeybabybear05 said:
NTA!! To be honest it's unbeliavable that this is happening to you. She should wear the Necklace HER mom wore to her wedding with your dad. You have every right to gatekeep your mum as she is just that YOUR mum!! What is she even saying.
Like someone else commented here, her mum and her def need Therapy cause this is not okay!! The fact that your dad even supports it bogels my mind. She should even return the jewelery she got and please not wear any of it at her wedding because that is too far. She should create the same tradition with her own mum.
Complex_Storm1929 said:
NTA. Your sister sounds needy and controlling lol. In what universe does she have any right to your mother’s jewelry. Your father is also a clown but that’s a whole different issue.
NTA. Maybe invite her to have the conversation with both Leah’s parents present (and your own husband)? Let her pour her heart out, give nothing away, just let her talk and talk. Don’t interrupt, under any circumstances.
Then…Then state how deeply, deeply uncomfortable you were that you father gave away items that YOUR mother had meant for YOU, and how every single time she wears them you feel reminded of how personally betrayed you felt - and still feel - by your father. State all of this calmly and rationally, but perhaps keep eye contact with your father throughout.
Obviously you love Leah (by all means, look at her at this juncture), but it would entirely ruin the day for you, just as every day feels worse whenever she wears sone of your mother’s jewelry, because (turning back to your father) your dad betrayed your trust and your mother’s wishes.
And if Leah wishes to discuss it further, it might be best to ask your dad why he betrayed you - but that’s a conversation for the two of them. Then leave.
wlfwrtr said:
NTA Tell her she got her own jewelry that belonged to your mom and she could choose from that. Then get the rest that you have into a safe deposit box and put up cameras. Half sister doesn't sound like she's used to hearing no.
Jollydancer said:
NTA. According to her logic, she can prove to you that she actually loves you by giving back your mum’s jewelery that she was given against your mother’s will. That would show she actually values you and not the materialistic things.
Lazyguy093 said:
NTA. She’s trying to get a piece of jewelry that she knows is important to you. You’re not wrong for not letting her use it.