Woman refuses to name her baby after her late aunt, 'they believed I would change my mind.' AITA?
"AITA for arguing back when my parents were disappointed I didn't name my daughter after my late aunt?"
My aunt died 2 weeks before I got pregnant. When I announced the expectations were on me to name my daughter Elizabeth, after my aunt, if she were a daughter. My aunt had down syndrome and was so beloved and special to our family. I adored her too.
But I never wanted to name my daughter Elizabeth. I had my own reasons from not liking the name Elizabeth (and my husband feels the same) to us wanting to give our child their own name that is not a family name. I told my family during my pregnancy that if my baby was a girl, she would not be named Elizabeth and I refused to communicate about it afterward.
My daughter was born 3 weeks ago and my family were furious when we announced her name and it wasn't Elizabeth. They believed I would change my mind between when I told them and the birth. Mostly due to the fact I was aware they didn't approve.
They came over on Saturday and told me I was wrong and asked how Elizabeth would feel if she knew I hadn't wanted to name my daughter after her. They told me it was an unkind thing to do and that my daughter would have been blessed to be named after her special great-aunt. I told them talking like that is one of the reasons I wouldn't want that.
I said my daughter deserves her own name and not one where she will always be told she should feel blessed or grateful to be named after my aunt. They told me I was being ridiculous and I was making excuses. I told them they were right and I didn't need to make any to them because it was none of their business.
They wouldn't let up so I told them to go and not to reach out unless they can accept my daughter is not Elizabeth. My family told me arguing with them was not the way to conduct myself. They argued first but I mean, I did argue back so AITA?
Here's what top commenters had to say about this one:
JaxValentine91 said:
NTA. You are laying down the law. Your daughter has a name, they know the name, they call her that name. How would someone feel if they dated a guy, met his parenrs, and they keeped calling her Jessica because they always thought their son would be with a Jessica?
How would your aunt feel if she knew her memory was being used as something to drive a wedge in the family during what should be a celebration of new life and love and family? I really hope they don't hold onto this because it would be awful for you to tell stories of your great aunt only for your family to keep bringing up that "You were almost named after her, but your mum didn't want to." She's your baby. Stand your ground, or they'll keep disrespecting your decisions.
Daikey said:
NTA. This things always befuddle me. You don't owe them excuses and your reasoning is perfectly valid. This is your daugher, let her grow up without the shadow of Elizabeth looming on her. If they don't reach out, tell them it's on them. They are choosing to cut you out, not vice versa. Stand your ground, OP.
canvasshoes2 said:
NTA...and holy CRAP is your family ever controlling. I don't know them, of course, but this doesn't seem to be about a name or a special aunt. This seems to be them acting out at not getting their way and not being able to control something. Have they been like that before? I would be very surprised if this were the first time they tried to control you.
PremeditatedTourette said:
Hi, As someone named after a dead person: PLEASE STOP NAMING PEOPLE AFTER DEAD PEOPLE. Thank you for coming to my TED Talk. NTA.
coastalkid92 said:
NTA. They're projecting their wants onto you and likely latched onto this idea as some life line during their grief. You've been clear the whole way through that your daughter would not be called Elizabeth.
Dimirosch said:
NTA. Your family proved you right. If you had taken the name for your daughter, she wouldn't be your daughter (or at least not fully) but the memory of your aunt. If they want a child with this name so much, they should concieve themselves (or adopt). Though that would be unfair to the theoretical child here.