Woman refuses to pay for BF's mom's bday dinner after she called her his 'temporary girlfriend.' AITA?
"AITA for refusing to pay for my boyfriend’s mom’s birthday dinner after she called me his 'temporary girlfriend?'"
I (27F) have been dating my boyfriend (30M) for about a year and a half. Things have been going well—he’s sweet, we talk about moving in together, and I’ve met his family a few times. His mom, however, has never liked me. I don’t know why. I’m polite, successful, I bring gifts, I make an effort—but she treats me like I’m just some random he picked up off the street.
Last weekend, it was her birthday, and my boyfriend planned this big family dinner at a fancy restaurant. I offered to help pay, and he said it’d be nice if I covered half since we were splitting the bill between “the kids” (his siblings and us).
Cool, no problem. Dinner’s going well—until his mom raises a toast and says: “I’m just so happy to be surrounded by family…and some of the newer, hopefully temporary additions.” Then she looks directly at me and smiles.
The whole table laughed awkwardly. I looked at my boyfriend like, “Are you gonna say something?” and he just gave me a please don’t make a scene face. So I excused myself, went to the bathroom, and when I came back, I told the waiter, “Split my items to my own bill please. I’m paying for myself and that’s it.” Paid my part. Left.
Later, my boyfriend texted saying I was “disrespectful” and “made a scene over a joke,” and now his mom thinks I’m dramatic and unstable. I told him the disrespect came from his mom, and if he’s okay with her calling me “temporary” after a year and a half, maybe she’s right. He hasn’t responded since yesterday. AITA?
Here's what people had to say about this one:
StandingGoat said:
NTA - that's a BF issue not a BF's mother issue. Not only does he fail to stand up for you in the moment but he doubles down and blames you after the fact.
IAmTAAlways said:
Make him temporary and make his expiration date today. NTA.
Dramatic-Ant-9364 said:
NTA. She is a rude b who attacked you for no reason other than meanness. You should ghost him until he apologizes. If he doesn't then you know where you stand and can move on with your life. You don't deserve her abuse and humiliation. Be glad it came out now. You really dodged a bullet.
_hangry_forever_ said:
NTA. You made her wish a reality.
ThePurpleAesthetic said:
NTA. I'm so glad you stood up for yourself. I wouldn't pay for anyone who is so rude & nasty. I wouldn't date her spineless son either. If your partner doesn't stand up for you, imagine what they do when you're not around.
Bigstachedad said:
He says you were disrespectful to his mother? Nope, she's been nothing but disrespectful to you. A man who doesn't stand up/stand behind his partner is not worth your trouble. Find a man who isn't under his mother's thumb. NTA.
MossMyHeart said:
NTA, but I hope you know this is exactly what she was hoping would happen when she said what she said. This was her birthday wish. If he’s not standing up for you, he isn’t worth standing next to.