Woman REFUSES to babysit her sister's newborn every week; 'My family has turned against me.' UPDATED 3X

"OP's Sister Expects Her To Babysit Her Newborn Every Week"

My sister and mother demand I watch the new baby 3/7 days a week.

My (25f) younger sister (21f) is pretty pregnant. for the last few weeks she has been demanding that my so(27m) and I babysit her new born every weekend, friday morning-sunday evening, so she and her so(21m) can have some cool off time from being parents, to not over stress.

Each time, I have laughed at her and shut it down with a quick "nope, I won't be." And she gets mad I'm "not helping her out."

Yesterday, she got our mother involved. Mom called me and asked why I was being "a self-centred b, and so selfish, she didn't raise me this way" I told her I was a grown ass woman, with my own house and life, and that if I wanted to watch kids as a 2nd job, I'd have some." She sputtered out something about me being a horrible person and hung up on me.

My so and my one aunt 100% is with me, however my mom, dad, and the other 900 family members and friends they got involved are calling me out on Facebook, and blowing up my phone. Quick edit for a few of the same comments coming up.

my mom knows the full story of what my sister is asking, she essentially did the same thing with me, when I was a bit older. She sees no issues with my sister getting this as well.

I have never had a good relationship with my family besides 16f, aunt, and grandparents. I talk to mom, sister, dad maybe twice a month.

Before we give you OP's updates, let's take a look at some top comments:

gestalksduj writes:

Baby #2 will be showing up quicker than expected if they somehow do manage to get those weekends off.

Personally I think this is down to the sister's SO. Assuming he is working a normal working week, he is now trying to arrange things so that he has as little contact with the kids as possible. To me, this speaks of someone really not interesting in being a parent, but doesn't have the guts to say so or leave and make himself out to be the bad guy.

Edited to add: Some have asked why I've made this assumption about the SO. In retrospect, this applies to both parents, but the reason I focussed on the SO is simply put I honestly cannot imagine someone wanting to spend so little time with their child.

I'm probably just old fashioned, but I couldn't get enough of my kids when they were born, and the idea that these people would be wanting to get the hell out of dodge for half their new born's life to me honestly does not bode well for the future of this child.

geeswhic writes:

Company can be helpful. My mom lived close to us when Thing One was born. She came every morning for 2 weeks, did laundry, cleaned up and watched over baby so I could sleep or shower. She allowed me to bond with my firstborn with minimal stress (I am not a natural at mothering). It was glorious.

She stopped at 2 weeks because my ILs came in from out of state and she figured they would take over caring for me and baby. Not even close. My husband had to read the the riot act about smoking in the house and expecting someone to care for them as guests (we hadn’t invited them).

In addition, the house was tiny and one of them was awake and in the great room pretty much 24/7, so I had to hide in the baby’s room for peace and privacy.

My point is, don’t be afraid to accept help from someone competent and caring and who goes home after their “shift” for they can make the transition to going it on your own much easier. Eff people that invade your home and make your life more stressful.

Update 1:

Hey, everyone, thank you so much for the support on my last post, thought I'd share an update and answer some questions now that the baby is here.

A lot of comments mentioned that our mother and sister probably spun some sort of tail about how I was just refusing to help period, not take over 45% of parenting.. and well no. Those who I spoke to, knew the entire story. They agreed 2 21 year olds need a break from parenting, our mom did it with me.. why shouldn't sister get the same courtesy.

Whenever family/friends message me about babysitting, or give me s about it my favourite response has been, "you're right, I am selfish/irresponsible/whatever, and probably not fit to take the baby this weekend, but I can be sure to let sister know you've volunteered your time this week to help her out.

Funny enough, everyone seems to have some generic excuse as to why they can't or won't. "I worked all week, it's my wind down time." "Not my child, not my responsibility."(but somehow it's mine?)

And my all time favourite response "It is YOUR responsibility as the oldest to ensure your siblings don't make mistakes, and if they do you take responsibility and don't let them ruin their lives over it, they're still kids who need to have fun. You had your turn."...

Update 2:

Baby has been here just under 2 weeks now and: My sister, her SO, and our mother have left multiple messages and voicemails about when they will drop baby off, their expectations for when I have baby, routines, etc.

Besides a quick "Not watching your baby this weekend." I have not answered or responded about it. My SO and I took some advice and invested in a doorbell camera and a few others around the house, and as most of you called it.. my mother and sister attempted to drop baby off at my doorstep, 6 days after it was born.. knocked and tried to run.

I spoke through the doorbell and told them they have exactly 2 minutes to pick baby back up, or I was calling CPS for abandonment.My youngest sister (16f) called me about an hour afterwards explaining our mother had attempted to leave the baby with her as well, but it only earned mom a dirty look, while youngest sister simply stepped over the carrier and walked out of the house. She has been staying with us since.

SO and I have spoken to younger sister, to see how she would feel, and we have a meeting with a lawyer to see if we have any ground to stand on for sister to come and live with us permanently, as our parents are threatening to call the police on my SO and I for kidnapping/holding youngest sister as a hostage.

Oh, before I forget this level of beautiful petty.. our aunt (the only one who has supported us) surprised youngest sister, SO and i, and took us out to her cabin for the weekend.. where youngest sister posted pictures, and tagged our mother, sister, and her SO.. "Man, such an AMAZING weekend, sure wish you guys were free to join,."

Edit: a few commenters mentioned wanting to know more about the door bell reaction so: Neither of them knew about the door bell, it was a mix of shocked Pikachu and some kinda ragey racoon faces that they didn't just get away with it.

My mother started to argue, but I cut her off by starting to count down. My sister quickly picked up the baby and they both left without another word.

Update 3:

Hi everyone! I'm sorry, I've been meaning to do a final update on this whole situation, (with sister's permission as this one is mostly an update on her.) My SO, younger sister and I met with a lawyer just before the weekend and....

My parents have no ground to stand on, Sister is in the middle of enrolling in a high school in my city to start for September!

Our mother left a voicemail and a text message to both of us. Mine saying "I hope you're happy. You've destroyed (21f/21m) lives by not taking the baby, and you've gone ahead and brainwashed (16f) into hating us."

She then proceeded to let me know that I've been completely disowned and I'm not welcome to ever contact them again, and that I wouldn't be seeing a dime from them. I'm not sure where she could have gotten that idea.. considering I've been living out of her house and self supporting since I was 16.

Sister's message said essentially the same thing. She's been disowned and is no longer welcome to go to them for help.

She's always kind of had the same no bs attitude as me, but I think this is the first time I've genuinely seen her let go and relax in a long time. We had a long conversation about what our mother messaged us, and in the beginning sister was kind of upset, but after reassuring her she will ALWAYS have SO and I, and aunt.

She looks free. I'm excited to watch her grow, and get to support her on all the ways she wouldn't have gotten from our parents.

As for baby, CPS, other sister..I've been in contact with baby daddy's parents, recently, (sister, baby, baby daddy are living in their basement) Laid out everything that happened, showed them messages, door bell video etc, they were shocked...

and last I heard were making plans to try and adopt baby and finding their legal footing as well, they've asked if they can come to us for help as we have more proof to help them, so absolutely will be providing anything they could need.

So, thank you for all the advice and support. If you happen to have any tips on what else I can do to help 16f sister, I'll take all the advice I can. I want to be the best I can for her.