'Disowned' daughter refuses to be mom's plus-one to brother's wedding; AITA?
Being a plus-one to a wedding is usually a fun time with a free dinner and a romantic ambience, but it's not always a dreamy stress-free evening when it's a family event...
So, when a conflicted daughter decided to vent to the moral compass of the internet otherwise known as Reddit's "Am I the As%hole" about whether or not she's wrong to bail on her brother's wedding, people were ready to help weigh in.
"AITA for telling my mother I won’t be her plus one to my brother's wedding?"
My (30) brother (29) is getting married in two weeks. We have had a non-existent relationship for most of our lives, attended different schools and generally did not speak to each other.
Growing up in an immigrant household where gender norms are exploited (I did all of the cooking and had to literally serve my brother meals), I’ll admit I grew to resent him by the time I hit early teens.
While he was encouraged to follow his dreams and spoiled by my parents our entire childhood, I was told that I’d have an arranged marriage by the time I turned 20.
Thankfully I got a full ride to a state university and attained a job abroad shortly after. By the time I graduated from university my father disowned me ( I turned down a marriage proposal that his ENTIRE family pushed for).
My brother while not agreeing with me getting disowned basically told me that I should have said yes anyway. During my time abroad my brother and I would check in every few months.
These check ins were no longer than 5-10 mins and consisted of him updating me about our parents and younger siblings (they are a decade plus younger than us and I call them separately).
Two years ago I went back home and planned to stay for a few months to take care of our mom (my father actually went on vacation ) and was shocked to see that my brother had moved back in with them (he told me he moved to a town near by).
When I asked our mom why she needed me home when her adult son (who was not paying any bills and worked with our father) was at home, she said she couldn’t trust him to take her to her appointments.
My brother and I got into a huge argument about how he wasn’t able to take care of our mom WHILE HE WAS LIVING AT THE HOUSE, and had me fly for two days. I ended up leaving after a month.
Cut to a month ago, my mother calls to tell me that my brother is engaged and that I would need to fly home to attend the wedding with her. She said that she would NEED me to attend because my father's side has been invited as well and would like to have someone she trusts sit with her.
I refused bc 1) while my brother told me about his engagement we are barley on speaking terms 2) my father would be in attendance and I have not spoken to him since he disowned me nine years ago.
My mother called again last night in tears about how she cannot attend without me, I reiterated that I have no intention of going and the thought alone makes me itch with anxiety.
Minutes after the phone call I get a voice note from my mother stating that she’d miss her son’s wedding if I don’t show up. While my father's family is terrible, I also genuinely dislike her son. So AITA?
Yikes...here's what the jury of internet strangers had to say about this one:
Baron_MM said:
NTA - Are you sure you're not the Bride considering they tried to marry you off once before?
Single_Cookie_7915 said:
NTA. You're free to do what you want, if you don't want to attend the wedding, then you don't have to. And based on how your family has treated you before, they're TA.
But I don't understand this, why is your mom suddenly so freaked out by your father and their side of family being present when she was doing fine for the last 9 years? How can your attendance at the wedding help her?
My2Cents_503 said:
NTA You are not your mother's emotional support person. You don't like the groom, and his father disowned you.
Your mother wasn't supportive either, and now wants you to set aside your own feelings to accommodate her. Your younger siblings and her side of the family can support her. I wouldn't go, and I'd limit contact with her as well.
QuesoDelDiablos said:
NTA. If your brother didn’t invite you, that’s tantamount to saying you are not welcome. So you really can’t go even if you wanted.
Ducky818 said:
NTA. You're an adult and so are your parents. You need to do what is best for you and they can make their own decisions about attending, regardless of your attendance. Do not let them guilt you into attending something in which you have no interest.