Woman refuses to be Matron of Honor for twin sister. 'She would have to write her speech herself.'
"AITA for refusing to be the Matron of Honor?"
I (37f) and my twin sister have never been close. We have never really liked or disliked each other, even as children and then adoscents. We mostly just coexisted in the same house until I went to college. We share no friends, hobbies, or interests.
We have the same DNA and birthday, which has meant absolutely nothing over the years. We never wore matching outfits or tried to dress opposite because we are identical as children. We don't hang out, even living in the same town. We don't call each other for help. Nothing.
She asked me recently to be her Matron of Honor. I politely told her no because I am already going to be a bridesmaid for my best friend. My friend and I have known each other since we were in elementary school. We were in the same clubs and on the same sports teams. We had regular sleep overs.
Eventually we went to college in the same state so we could still hang out. We are each other's go to for advice, cheering up, encouragement. This wouldn't be an issue except both are marrying on Valentine's Day next year, as it's an anniversary for both of them, either their first date or when they officially became a couple.
One is marrying in Hawaii and the other in our hometown in the Midwest. I just can't do both. Also, I introduced my friend and her fiance, who is also a good friend of mine. I've met my sister's fiance twice and we only spoke a handful of times casually.
My sister is furious. She says my friend is stealing her Matron of Honor after she stole her Maid of Honor spot at my wedding. At that point she was yelling and calling my friend names and I flat out told her she wouldn't even have been on the list to be my Maid of Honor anyway because after we moved out, we spoke on major holidays or if someone died.
Not because we were mad at each other. We just have nothing to say to each other. Even then, it's awkward. Honestly, I wouldn't even know how to be her Matron of Honor because I know very little about her beyond her job. We have no funny stories. I know nothing about them as couple. She would have to write her speech herself.
Now our mother, cousins, and other extended family are calling me and saying I'm not considerate of my family at all. My mother was crying and saying she just wanted to see her daughters together and take photos.
My sister said the same and I really think our mother put her up to asking me because I can't imagine another reason why she would ask someone she only speaks to on Christmas and then it's small talk before we go talk to other people.
I honestly thought she had the wrong number at first. My father said they didn't have a photo of us together alone since we were 10 years old, so it shouldn't matter now and that both she and my sister are being dramatic. Then everyone said we were both aholes. AITA?
Later, OP edited the post to include:
I couldn't get this off my mind so I called my dad after posting this. I learned that he refused to pay for the wedding because my sister's fiance has cheated on her with two different women since they got engaged alone and she is hoping for me to pay for the wedding.
That's why she waited so long to ask me. He just told her a couple weeks ago after finding out that he isn't paying. He thought I knew because he assumed she's already passed the fees on to me. Definitely won't be paying or her Matron of Honor without any guilt.
Here's what top commenters had to say about this one:
Unicornfarts68 said:
NTA. Kudos to your dad your being the voice of reason while the rest of your family fans the flames to keep the drama going. Sounds like your best friend is more of a sister than your sister and that’s okay. All of your reasons are valid and even if they weren’t no is a complete sentence.
Block everyone who is harassing you. Your sister wasn’t your MOH. Did your mom act a fool then? Did the flying monkeys come out to attack you? Besides you already committed to being the MOH for your best friend/sister so.
xxMothx said:
Oh, NTA at ALL. Just because your sister tried to bully her way into being your MOH when you were married and ultimately lost (because…well, obviously) doesn’t mean she can bully your friend IN FRONT OF YOU and expect you to gladly accept her offer in return. Let her be mad af.
corgihuntress said:
NTA I'm wondering if your sister has some sort of nostalgia for a childhood and relationship you never actually had and she wishes you did? That's the only reason I can imagine for her getting so bothered.
Tntmadre said:
NTA You don’t have to share blood to be family, & it sounds like your friend is way more family than your sister. And it seems like you were already involved in the friend’s wedding when sis asked.
And her throwing the dig in about her MOH spot being stolen at your wedding makes me wonder if she only asked you so she could throw in your face for the rest of your lives that she chose you but you didn’t choose her.
Apart-Ad-6518 said:
NTA. "Now our mother, cousins, and other extended family are calling me and saying I'm not considerate of my family at all." You've been close with your friend for years whereas you don't share anything meaningful with your sister.
It's a shame they're getting married the same day but it is what it is & I don't see why you should have to do something you don't want just to keep up appearances for your family.
Excellent-Count4009 said:
NTA. Go to your friend's wedding.
fckinsleepless said:
NTA I get why it’s important to have your family at your wedding, but if your sister wanted you to be so involved why wouldn’t you have a friendlier relationship? She can’t expect you to drop big commitments for her when you aren’t that close. Hold your ground and have fun at your best friend’s wedding.