Woman refuses to go on vacation with people who are 'crazy' about recycling. AITA?
"AITA for refusing to vacation with people who are crazy about recycling?"
Last November, my husband (32M) and I (31F) went on a weekend trip to a cabin in upstate NY (rural) with some of his cousins. I’ve met these cousins multiple times but this was the first time going away. One of his second cousins and his wife (in their 40s) are extremely intense about recycling.
For example, one night there were about 25 people to feed and they refused to use the eco-friendly paper plates I brought. They actually told me off for bringing them, and we all used glass.
We also brought a case of waters in plastic bottles (which we never drink at home, we have a filter and use glasses, but do on the rare time we go away) and as soon as they saw it they told us to bring it back to the car and that they didn’t want to see it again. Everyone else had reusable water bottles.
We had to go find a collapsible one that happened to be in our car and share that. They also yelled at me when I didn’t drink the last sip of my beer, which was warm since I had been drinking it for 2 hours, and they made me drink it before throwing it away because it “wastes cans.”
Then, when I put the fan in the trash, the cousin’s wife playfully yelled at me (I don’t know her well at all) even after I explained we aren’t allowed to recycle cans in our town.
Overall it was just kind of intense for me. We all paid equal shares to stay there so I’m not sure why they thought they could run the whole thing. We were already kind of outsides, since we don’t see these cousins all that often, so it was pretty uncomfortable.
I will say I’m very eco-conscious at home. I use all glass, we compost, and we recycle as much as possible. We have an all organic yard and wear mostly organic clothing made with fair labor practices. However, I felt annoyed because I had to play specifically by their rules, doing what they thought was important.
I didn’t yell at anyone else for bringing non-organic food (despite the fact that we eat organic) because I understood that we’re on vacation and other families may not do things the same, so we have to bend a little.
The group is trying to plan again for this year and I told my husband I’m not up for going. It was just too stressful and I would feel like I need to be so careful. He got upset with me and said that while they’re annoying, it’s not a big deal and I should do one weekend for him to see his extended cousins.
He says I’m being a bit harsh towards his cousins and making too much of this. He says he’s let plenty of things roll off with my family and wishes I would do the same just for this one weekend.
I will say that the cousins weren’t super nice and laid around mostly watching tv instead of interacting or playing games, so the recycling thing is mainly what sticks in my head from the whole weekend since there wasn’t much else. Now I’m feeling guilty but still really don’t want to go. AITA?
Here's what the top commenters had to say about this one:
RB1327 said:
NTA. Let your husband go on the trip without you, no big deal. Either that or go, but tell anyone bossing you around to drop the eco-hassling. It's ridiculous that the cousins think they can order you to finish your beer or share a reusable water bottle.
Slytherin125 said:
NTA but also why did you listen to them, i would be like that's great you don't want a plastic water bottle but these are for me, why would you let them tell you do finish your beer you are a full grown adult, tell them to gtfa from you and poor the beer out in front of them. why are you letting them bully you.
similar_name4489 said:
NTA if the in-laws family members make you miserable, then it shouldn’t be on you to “make happy” with them anyway. Compromise only works if both sides are compromising, not one.
Frankly you should have brought up the issues at the time and stood up for yourself, I would have if it was big enough of an annoyance that I wouldn’t want to visit them again.
I also would have talked about it with the spouse, at least shortly after the trip, so they could reach out to their family about it. They are his family that he wants to visit and wants you to go with him when he could go solo, so he can sort it out.
He_Who_Is_Person said:
NTA. Don't go if you don't want to. Your husband should have been sticking up for you. He didn't. The cousins weren't the only jerks.
But I almost want to say esh for going along with their demands. WTF is "made us"? They can't make you.
What are they going to do? Destroy your property? Beat you up if you don't? These are all crimes. I wouldn't have followed a single command they attempted to give me.
lakelifeasinlivin said:
NTA - Why do spouses have to do everything together? I never get the need to drag your significant other to events they dont want to go to and that have little reason for them to be there.
This isnt a wedding, funeral, or even dinner with close family, its cousins that you dont see but once a year.
But its a two way street you cant guilt trip him to going to your high school reunions because you dont want to show up alone and then force him to listen to remember when stories all night long.