Woman ruins her sister's marriage in revenge for childhood bullying, BF calls her out.
My girlfriend is mad at me because I told her she went too far in meddling with her sister's marriage.
azulesaw writes:
My girlfriend is low contact with her parents and older sister. She has a complicated relationship with them. Growing up, she felt bullied by her sister, "Cora" (31F). Her mother was frequently ill and depressed, and her father traveled for work for months.
They were poor, so Cora did multiple jobs since her teens and was controlling and domineering with her siblings about chores and school work. My girlfriend has a lot of resentment about her unpleasant childhood and has pushed back by sabotaging things for Cora in silly and petty ways.
Cora got married to her boyfriend of three years about six months ago. My girlfriend flew over to attend but did act bratty to mess with Cora. It was mostly minor stuff like not confirming travel plans until the last minute, so Cora was forced to pay more for plane tickets and change her mind about her dress frequently, so Cora had to buy and return outfits multiple times.
There were a few other things, too, like messing with some organized plans and refusing to do something she committed to. I don't like or understand it, but she feels it's essential for such payback to balance her relationship with her sister.
She went too far because the night before the wedding, she talked long with the groom about how difficult and short-tempered Cora can be. He has a kid (6M) from his previous marriage, and she knew they planned to have more kids right after marriage.
She told him that Cora hates little children and will bully them. The newlyweds ended up having a lot of fights over their honeymoon because the groom wanted to postpone having kids and change how much involvement Cora would have with her stepkid.
Cora recently learned that the conflicts are because her sister talked with her husband, and she's been blowing up at my girlfriend. She feels upset at my girlfriend's interference because she wanted to have kids soon, and my girlfriend feels justified because she's convinced Cora would be an awful mother.
I told her that it wasn't right for her to meddle in her sister's marriage to mess with her, but she felt that nothing she said was untrue, so it was morally right. We have been arguing, and my girlfriend is now mad at me.
Here are some of the top comments from the post.
catskilkid says:
NTA (Not the A%#hole). Based on this and your GF being mad, you better run. In your post, you say GF is mad because growing up, their mother was ill and depressed, and the father was not around due to work, leaving them in a poor condition and requiring Cora as a teen to have to work multiple jobs helping with the home and got on your GF about chores and school work.
So, by being forced to parent her siblings as a teen and being tough about homework and chores, GF feels justified in sabotaging her sister. It sounds more ungrateful than anything. Your GF needs serious anger management and general therapy.
None of this is healthy or acceptable. She says she just spoke the truth to her new BIL, but there is a lot left out when you go in with an agenda. Your GF will not change unless she gets therapy, and she does not seem to think she has a problem, so it's likely she won't seek help. You need to think about yourself with this woman. Good Luck.
RB1327 says:
NTA. Your girlfriend is not a good person. I'm surprised the groom even took her remarks seriously because someone who would behave that way and say those things at a sibling's wedding is clearly unhinged.
Quit making excuses for this woman. You say you haven't even known her a year so your investment here is still relatively low.
Mindless-Locksmith76 says:
NTA Dude, you need to run. These kinds of games at that age are such a red flag. What happens when she feels morally justified to get back at you? Does she feel slighted by her own mother or other close family? Any future children you might want?
This is cruelty and pettiness on a narcissistic level, and she needs help. Professional help. I was raised by a pretty abusive family as well. That's no excuse. It doesn't make her even, it's just being toxic because that's all she knows, and using 'justice' as her excuse.
What do you think? Was OP right to