Woman scolds mother for 'inappropriate' FaceTime during SIL's labor. AITA?
"AITA for telling my mother it was inappropriate to ask my brother to FaceTime him during my SILs labor & delivery?"
I (38F) was in the group chat with the rest of our family awaiting the arrival of my brother (34M) and SILs (29F) baby boy. When my brother sent a message saying his wife was dilated enough to start pushing and the doctor and nurses were there getting everything set up, my mother sent back a text saying, “FACETIME!”
I was horrified that they would do that because my SIL is an extremely quiet and private person. I couldn’t imagine any scenario in which she was ok with that. So I shot saying, “Absolutely NOT unless SIL agreed to this! That is a completely inappropriate request.” My mom came back with, “She did...” And I just said, “Whatever.”
My dad then jumped my arse in a text message saying that I shouldn’t talk to my mother that way, that she and my brother had already discussed doing this, and that it wouldn’t be during the actual delivery of the baby but afterwards.
I told him I didn’t care what brother and mom had discussed as they weren’t the one in labor and if mom wasn’t intending to FaceTime during the actual delivery then why did she demand to FaceTime as soon as brother said it was time to start pushing? And why did she say SIL had already agreed in response to my message?
Honestly, even if SIL did agree to this, I still don’t think it was appropriate thing for my mom to ask. If it didn’t come as an unprompted offer directly from SIL, it’s incredibly inappropriate for anyone else to ask.
My brother and mother should’ve respected my SIL enough to grant her privacy for such a momentous occasion. AITA for snapping at my mom and defending my SIL?
Here's what top commenters had to say about this one:
electronicshoelace said:
I see the other comments asking if SIL agreed or not, and I too feel like that’s the pivotal question, but if that’s what SIL agreed to with her MIL, I feel like your brother would’ve just FaceTimed your mother to tell her it was time rather than needing to send a text and get a response. NTA.
Even if SIL did agree to FaceTime, it’s not a problem for you to defend her. People in labor are very vulnerable, so even if your efforts weren’t needed, it’s still a nice gesture.
Like when some other woman tells you that there’s a creep checking you out and you look over to see your boyfriend. She might’ve been wrong but I love that she was looking out for me.
RevolutionaryHeron1 said:
NTA. I actually think you’re a hero here. Unless you knew explicitly how SIL felt, it’s always easier to check your own mother than your MIL.
Short-Month8261 said:
NTA, even if SIL had previously agreed to Facetime, nothing wrong with you standing up for her in a vulnerable moment, especially as from the convo it sounded like Facetiming at the birth was a spontaneous decision. Your response may have been a bit intense, but in the heat of the moment understandable.
Huntokar_Goddess said:
NTA. "that she and my brother had already discussed doing this" and where was SIL in that discussion? If your mom meant to facetime after, then she could have clarified that to you all in the group chat. There was zero need for your dad to get all prissy.
Bulky_Bookkeeper8556 said:
FaceTime so the Dad can be distracted holding the phone where your Mom can see. If they really wanted your mom to be a part of it they would have asked her there. They probably just agreed(if they did) to be polite. I don’t want my MIL on FaceTime when I’m pushing a baby out. NTA.