Woman shames husband for inviting his mom to dinner, 'MIL just started digging in.' AITA?
"AITA for making my husband feel like sh%t about having his mom over for dinner?"
My husband and I have been together for 6 years and combined we have 4 kids (my step babies are 12 and 10, my bio babies are 9 and 3mo- obviously the youngest is our together baby). Now...Since I gave birth I have had a very hard time eating.
I can be super hungry but more often than not, if I actually think about eating I feel super nauseated or just grossed out and can't actually bring myself to eat actual meals. Stuff like crackers or finger foods are fine but big meals really just sicken me (the thought of eating it anyways).
So, since I had our daughter I have eaten a total of maybe 5 hot meals. Yes, I absolutely have been in full contact with doctors and they are monitoring me and we are trying to come up with a game plan. But anyways, given this...I hardly ever eat dinner. I usually cook it, plate it out for my husband and kids and then leave my plate empty because I can't stomach it.
But here's where I could be wrong... My husband knows I have a very hard time eating. Most days he tries force feeding me, honestly. But yesterday I texted him and said "Making shepherds pie tonight I can't wait."
I didn't say that I was going to eat so maybe that's where I went wrong? But on the other hand, I never text him with a drooling emoji after saying I'm making something either so maybe he should have picked up on that?
Idk. I was starving anyways and I was actually looking forward to having dinner. So I get done cooking and call everyone to the table as I usually do and next thing I know, my MIL is walking through the door, saying "hope I'm not late" and then sits down.. in my seat...and grabs the extra plate meant for me. I guess I was kind of shell shocked?
Because like...I just stood there. I didn't even know what to say. My MIL just started digging in to the dish. Before my kids were even served too, which pissed me the f--k off.
I also don't like saying out of pocket things in front of my kids either so I just told them to dig in and started walking off. My step son (12) whispered "but dad, I think mum was going to eat tonight" and my husband says "babe, were you going to eat tonight? You can take my helping."
And I just ignored him because like.. I was so mad that I couldn't say anything at that moment. I needed to cool off. I did tell my step son "it's fine" with a smile and I went in the other room.
Well, after MIL left my husband came out and asked me what that was about and said "you could have taken my meal babe, it's not a big deal." I kind of snapped and said he never should have even invited his mom over to eat without asking me, without knowing if I was hungry or not.
I brought up the fact that I literally texted him a drooling emoji, indicating that I was hungry or excited for the meal. He just said "yeah but you never eat! Now I feel like a f--g loser. Thanks."
And walks off. My step son unfortunately heard this and he came out with his plate and handed it to me and said "I stole some more before it was eaten so you could have some mum" (literally the sweetest fucking kid ever, I swear).
But now I feel like an AH because I truly do never eat hot meals so it was safe for my husband to assume last night would be no different and the fact that my step son felt he needed to do something about it as well. AITA? My husband is still sulking over this.
ETA: I only made enough for the people who were supposed to be here; myself included. I always make myself a portion, even though I never know how I'm going to feel about eating. But every night I only make enough for us. My husband knows this because there's never any left overs. The portion my step son brought me was maybe a half scoop.
As for MIL, she always does stuff like that. In her eyes, adults come first (hence, why she grabbed food before kids had been served) because "the adults worked all day." My husband doesn't hold the same view but never speaks up to her when she does it. My MIL and I don't get along and never have, so she probably wouldn't have cared if she knew I wanted to eat.
We don't speak usually. Also, her taking my seat means there was no where else to sit. I had no other option than to leave the room because despite my husband offering me his serving, he stayed seated and was dishing out his plate without looking at me while he was offering it. I know him well enough to know that means he was hungry and was banking on eating regardless of having offered up his plate.
Here's what top commenters had to say about this one:
AlpineLad1965 said:
The fact that she just walked in sat down and started helping herself before the children were served is just rude.
Madame_Chouette800 said:
Nta, you don't invite someone to dinner w/o asking your SO first.
mudshakemakes said:
Agree with everyone else, ah move/behaviour by your husband, but wtf is it with MIL manners??? You don’t just walk into anyone else’s house and dig in til everyone’s sat down, then you plate up and eat together. NTA.
JarethsBuldge said:
NTA. "Feels like a loser." I think he should, tbh. There's no part of this that isn't him being a thoughtless jerk. And the audacity of the mom? Hell no. The fact that your stepson picked up on it should make him reevaluate.
kevnmartin said:
Was this woman raised in a barn? Who walks into someone else's house and just plants themselves at the table and digs in before anyone else is served? What a pig. NTA.
nerdwhogoesoutside said:
NTA. The text, the eating issues and everything else are almost irrelevant, if you invite someone over for dinner you ask or at the very least if it is a last minute thing warn them before the person walks through the door.
Even if you had specifically said you were not planning to eat any of the Shepherds Pie you husband should still have used basic communication skills and not made a unilateral decision.
Hangingwithoscar said:
WTF? I can't believe how rude your MIL was. I can't believe how insensitive your husband is. He should have let his mother over without asking. You could have made more. NTAH.