Woman 'shames' kid sister into cleaning her room, 'might as well put you in a cage.' AITA? '

"AITA for shaming my kid sister into cleaning her room?"

I (21F) live with my two kids, while my sister (11F) lives with our mum in the same town. Mum rarely asks for help and tends to handle things on her own. However, my sister is very manipulative—constantly blaming Mum, saying she “doesn’t care” and “ruins her life.”

Recently, she screamed at Mum for not washing her school uniform, despite having a pile of clean clothes (including her uniform) in her room for over a week. She also trashed her room—dirty underwear, clutter, food packets, moldy dishes, no sheets on her bed, and no clear path through the mess.

She takes food upstairs despite not being allowed and refuses to clean, even when Mum helps. She even yells when Mum tries to clean it for her, insisting, “I like it like that.” Mum has tried everything—cleaning with her, guiding her, letting the mess build up, even cleaning it herself—nothing works.

When I casually joked, “Let me stay with her for a day and bully her into cleaning,” Mum shocked me by seriously agreeing, which showed how desperate she was. So, we swapped houses for a day. With Mom’s full permission, I went full “mean girl.” I took my sister’s TV, phone, tablet, and laptop and told her:

“If you’re gonna live like a wild dog, might as well put you in a cage.” “Mum gives you everything, and this is how you repay her?” “Your 4-year-old nephew keeps his room cleaner than this.” “Maybe we should send a picture to your school friends.”

She huffed, puffed, stomped, cried—but ultimately cleaned her room, proving she could do it. When Mum came back, she was nearly in tears with relief and hasn’t stopped thanking me. My sister now hates me, but if it makes Mum’s life easier, I can live with that.

Most of our family understood why I did it, but my grandmother and aunt are mad, saying I should be the “cool older sister” she looks up to, not the one who breaks her down. But as a parent myself, I feel for Mum more than I do for my sister. AITA?

Here's what top commenters had to say about this one:

Mysterious-Elk-6248 said:

NTA but does mom take her things until she can behave without caving to sisters tantrums? Because its going to be an ongoing problem unless mom can set and enforce those rules. She doesn't have to say anything except that those things are available to her once she can meet the expectations outlined for her.

Because I hate to say it, if mom caves, thats enabling because it teaches sister if she throws a fit long enough, she will get her way no consequences. And you don't need to be regularly becoming your sisters bully because mom cant enforce consequences. Tread cautiously.

punnymama said:

Hell no, NTA. It’s not healthy or okay for your sister and it was clearly impacting to her mom in a negative way.

rialtolido said:

NTA, but I doubt that you have fixed the problem. It will be filthy again in a few days. Mom needs a more permanent solution. You need to figure out why she wants to live in a dirty space. Is her mental health ok?

Kayyrraaaaa said:

NTA. You can be the cool sister to look up to when your sister is the cool little sister that you want to influence. The way she’s acting she’d turn into a total brat. I’m hoping what you did redirects her and she can thank you for starting her in the right direction but it might take a while.

NotCreativeAtAll16 said:

NTA. Your sister needed someone to actually parent her. If all she has to do with your folks is whine and complain to get her way, you've now shown your folks how to get her to do what she needs to do in order to become a functional adult.

crazstiz said:

NTA, my older sister was in the same position with me and my little sister. I listened and learned, little sister didn't. Now one of us has a clean organized house and one is a horder. You did good.