Woman shares bizarre birthday saga; 'My boyfriend's gift to me was his infidelity.' UPDATED

"My BF's birthday gift was his infidelity."

Basically what the title says. Yesterday was my birthday and my (now) ex decided to surprise me with a nice dinner and board games with our friends. Well everything was going just fine, everybody was having fun, I was having fun and then everything went to s.

Everyone was drunk, except me (I hate the taste of alcohol) and a couple of other people, and someone suggested "Truth or dare" and we all agreed. I don't remember exactly the question but someone asked my boyfriend if he cheated on an ex in the past.

He didn't said anything and instead was looking a the floor. Me? Well I was expecting a "no" or something similar but instead I receive silence as an answer. He mumble "sorry", got up and went to the bathroom. I excuse myself and leave the house because at that point i knew everything I needed to know. I went to the nearest park and just sit there for like hours.

People were calling and messaging me and I simply put in the group chat that I was okay and I just needed a little bit of time. That did nothing because I keep getting calls but I turn off my phone and stayed there near a fg tree.

To put on perspective why everything is fd now: my ex and I were together since we were teenagers, we were each other's firsts and I know for a fact he wasn't in a relationship before me.

I was his first and only relationship. So yeah he basically cheated on me at some point and of course because he's a lying POS never told me. I'm a person open to dialogue and find a common ground when there's a disagreement, he knew that but oh well.

I turn on my phone, I saw a lot of messages from him "I'm going to explain everything" "I swear it's not what it's seems" "it was just physical. It meant nothing" "please come back I'm really worried".

I ignored everything and called my brother hoping that he was awake (it was like 4 am) and he was. I calmly explained the situation and asked him to pick me up if possible. A couple of minutes later he came and that's when I started crying, he hugged me and helped me get in the car and drove us to this house.

And that's where I am right now. My brother and his fiancee have been trying to help me but I'm to depressed to do something so I told them to give some space. I have ignored every single attempt of contact with my ex cuz I really don't want to hear him.

I told my friends that I'm okay and safe because they were preoccupied and they respected that I wanted to be alone. I don't know what I'm going to do next, obviously I cannot be in the same house with that POS and I definitely think the relationship is over. But I need to get my things out of there and get an explanation maybe? Idk.

So yeah that's basically everything. I don't know if I should just keep crying or laugh at how surreal the situation is for me. I don't know what to do or what to think. I'm fd up right now, sad and angry, confused and consumed. I just needed to vent I guess.

Before we give you OP's update, let's take a look at some of the top responses:

crown writes:

Just take your time, I don’t think any explanation he will give will excuse cheating on you. Just remember he’s a sack of shit for doing it and he’s even a dumber sack if for admitting it in a game of truth or dare like it’s nothing.

Try not to blame yourself if your mind goes down that route, it’s nothing you’ve done. He’s just a shitty person that was happy to carry on deceiving you.

maybe get your brother or friend to collect your stuff for you. You don’t have to make any decisions on when to see you’re ex. You don’t owe him your time. You know it will be the same cliche stuff they always come out with.

Tell some mutual friend for him to leave you alone for the time being. Just surround yourself with people that love and care for you right now, get them to get your essentials and block the ex until you’re ready to talk if you want to.

foat9 writes:

I’m so sorry this is happening to you. Follow your instincts and cut ties with him. What could he possibly say to give you peace? Nothing, speaking to him only gives him peace. There is no explanation or words that will ever make this ok. You know him now to be a cheater, a liar and deceptive- trust is shattered and going back is a long upward battle.

Your birthday is now your freedom day from being trapped by a partner that doesn’t respect you. This is now your opportunity to live for you and to explore what more life has to offer.

Please take a close look at your friend group. If your friends knew you were each other’s only relationship then someone asked that question intentionally, possibly knowing his secret already.

atop writes:

What a cruel thing to do on your birthday. You don't need to let him explain anything. There is nothing he can say that will make this ok so why bother. He's just going to say it was just se%, it didn't mean anything, I was drunk, I was worried you were the only girl I'd slept with, blah, blah, blah.

It might not have meant anything to him but it does to you. It means betrayal. Your relationship is over so you just need to navigate logistics. Ask your brother to be the go between if you don't want to interact with your ex.

Arrange for him to be out of the house when you go and collect your stuff. Then block him once everything is sorted. Don't try to remain friends with him.

fakagh writes:

This isn’t your person if they’re willing to cheat and lie about it. However, I would want to hear the truth from him directly first, rather than just never speak to him again.

Update:

Hello again! I don't know if anybody is still interested but I finally manage to figure things out (kinda). Before I start the update I want to thank everybody for being so nice and caring towards me, I read every single comment but I wasn't able to reply to anyone because for some reason I was really anxious about it.

But still I appreciate the nice recommendations you guys gave me. English is not my first language so please bear with me and this is long.

Now i would want to clarify a few things. I saw some comments of people assuming that I was a girl and that's fine, I was being unconsciously vague about it. But I'm a gay guy and my ex was algo gay. Emphasis on "was" because that's going to be very important later.

Second of all some say that my ex was one of the stupidest cheaters and I have to agreed at some degree. But in this case the main factor to consider was alcohol. Everytime my ex was drunk (which is really rare) he became the most honest person in the world, he literally wasn't able to lie o hide things if you asked him.

So knowing that he was drunk when that person asked that question is pretty much the reason why he admitted his infidelity the way he did. And third: I did get tested and everything is okay. I'm clean.

Now for the update: So after a couple of days of me being a victim of self loathing and being barely able to function I decided that enough is enough. On Friday i asked my brother if he could take me and help me get my stuff from my ex's house.

He said of course. I texted my ex (whom I have ignored until now) and told him that I was on my way to that house. He texted "thank you. I really wanted to see you" (Ugh). When I get there I saw my ex standing on the porch, he tried to hug me but I ignored it and went straight to the bedroom to get my shit back.

I started to pack everything and of course he was there trying to talk. I went with an open mind because I knew he would tried to talk at some point. I need to be sincere here because even if I establish that I didn't want to see him ever again, deep down I wanted some sort of closure.

So while I was packing my s we have the "needed" conservation. I'm going to keep this short: He is bise%ual now and that's okay, I know the difficulties of struggling with your se%uality. What's not okay is cheating but oh well. He cheated with a woman because he wanted to "experience something different" and also he had a "lack of judgment".

Who is she? Well you guys already figured it out before me. It was the same person that asked the question. According to my ex she was drunk and really mad so she made a loaded question knowing what would happen in the end. She wanted him to "choose her".

This shocked me because I was nothing but polite and nice to this girl and she secretly hated me I guess. When did the cheating happened? Well it never stop really, they were having a physical relationship for 2 months. The fd up part was that some of my so called "friends" knew about it (I'm going to explain this in better detail later).

Is he in contact with her? No but yes. He blocked her from everything and their last message was him telling her to stay away and to never contact him again. Not sure how that's suppose to work because they work together and they are part of the same group so yeah I don't really follow the logic.

Will you give him another chance? no. He told me that he was going to be a better boyfriend from now on, I will have access to all of his devices, I could check his phone everytime I want and I could sleep with someone else if I want and he will not be mad. That's when I realized that even if I have tried to give him another chance (which I was not) I will not be able to trust him again.

What is a relationship without trust? Well in this case nothing. I will not be a police controlling every single one of his movements hoping that he wasn't going to cheat again.

Like wtf. I told him that this is the end, I grabbed the last thing and went outside. My ex tried one more time to talk to me and that's when my brother told him to f off and to leave me alone. We went inside the car and drove to my brother's house.

One day after all of this I received a call from his parents (they attended a family emergency out of town and just now came back). I will also make things short: they were asking a lot of questions about what happened because apparently my ex didn't want to talk about it so I explained everything.

At first they thought that a second chance was possible but then later realize the absurdity of the suggestion and were more understanding of the situation. In the end I told them that cutting contact was the best option right now considering everything that unfolded.

The truth is I love this people, they were always very sweet to me. Like they taught me very important things, they open their home for me and even gave me a place in their hearts.

Those two were the parents I never had and wished to have. But being in contact with them meant that his son was going to be around and I couldn't bear with that thought. I couldn't ask them to cut off their own son so I decided that the best course of action was going to be removing myself from this situation. I blocked them after saying goodbye.

Not gonna lie it hurt, it really did but I think it was necessary. I wanted to prioritize my well-being because I deserve something better than this surreal and weird situation. Is this healthy? I really don't know or care. Am I going to regret this? Maybe but right now I just need to focus on myself and my mental health.

Now regarding my "friends". My ex told me that some of them knew about the cheating situation (in reality it was everyone) but decided that our relationship was "perfect" so nobody wanted to be responsible for destroying it. They actually made another group chat just to talk about this.

But you know what really pissed me off? He showed me their recent messages and they were making fun of me, calling me "stupid, naive, an idiot, a sensitive bitch" because of the way I reacted. My ex?

Silent, he never defended me or told them to stop. Another good reason on why I'm not going back to him. This is INSANE behavior to me. We're talking about people in their late twenties acting like this. I don't even know how to categorize this, it's really disappointing and upsetting. So in the end I decided to just cut them off my life. Blocked and ignored.

As for myself? Well I'm not okay at all. I've been thinking a lot, fighting the urge to cry myself to sleep. I'm emotionally drained and I just don't know what to do. I don't know how bad I was in my past life to deserve all of this. I lost my friends, my ex's parents, my bf and the future we were planning together.

We wanted to have a nice little house away from the noisy city, we wanted to visit other places, we wanted to get married. But now I'm just here, very static and conflicted thinking of scenarios that would never happen again. And just like that my whole future was thrown away.

But idk I'm not feeling sad or angry, just numb. It's weird not being able to feel anything right now but I guess it's better than crying. I'm still able to function and do things but at the same time I'm really tired.

But I guess not everything is bad. I think this sort of helps me solidify my relationship with my brother. It's a really long story but I can say that our bond is better right now. Of course not everything is perfect nor wonderful but at least I can confirm that he loves me and I loved him too. I'm glad that I have my big brother back.

And well including my future BIL. These two have been trying to help me and I really appreciate it. I'm glad that I'm not alone with all of this.

This was LONG but I have to condense a lot of information and have to leave out some details. This is probably the last post related to this situation because I'm trying to move on but if something interesting happen I will probably update again (which I'm not certain and honestly I don't want to keep being drag into this drama). Thank you again for the kindest you guys gave me.