Woman shares family drama saga; 'My partner's mother LIED and MY family took HIS SIDE.' UPDATE 3X

"My partner's mother lied and my family took his side."

Three days ago, my partner 32M, his mother and I 25F (we've been together for 8 years on and off) were on our way to his sister's house for her daughter's birthday. Just the night before my partner and I had an argument about kids.

Nothing new lately, he wants one and we've been trying for few months now. Anyway I said we need to see a doctor, he believes that we're both healthy and young and if anything then we're doing something wrong, I was already exhausted from work and wanted to have some rest so I didn't argue much which only made him even more angry. I sat up and let him have his moment then slept.

Next day we went to pick up his mother, I tried to start a conversation but he just kept nodding. Now with his mom with us in the car I tried my best to lighten the mood so she doesn't feel uncomfortable.

5 mins or so he said "can you shut your mouth for a minute I don't want to hear your voice" his mother asked him what's wrong.

All I said was "I know what's wrong with him" he stopped the car and yelled at me that since I know what's wrong then I for sure know what an immature b-ch I am for starting a discussion with no intention to communicate. Mind you he was the one who started it and refused to lower his voice and sit down so we communicate like adults.

All this time his mother in the backseat just watching. (Growing up in a house where everyone yell to prove their point. I hate raised voices) and him screaming at me for an argument we had yesterday on our way to a birthday party we're supposed to enjoy. Made me lose it and snapped at him "can you stop screaming, can't we talk about this when we're back home"

He gr@bbed me and told me to never talk to him this way especially in front of his mother, to this moment she said nothing.

So to take his hand off me I tried to grab his wrist and push but ended up scratching him a little, I swear I didn't mean to, I just wanted him to let go.

His mother suddenly decided to use her voice and started yelling at me for hurting him and got out of the car and went to his side to check his wrist, I wanted to check his wrist too but was afraid of him losing it even more. He brushed it off and told his mom it was nothing and started the car again, back home he went straight to the guest room.

I decided to spend the next night at my parents house to decide what to do. My mother and his are friends. Anyway I didn't say anything but they told me later that night that his mother visited in the morning and told them about the fight.

The thing is she told them we had an argument without mentioning how he started it and wouldn't stop with all the screaming and how he grabbed me and only told them about me scratching him.

Thanks to my MIL's lie, now my family lecturing me about how I should respect him and consider starting counseling (by family I mean my mother and little brother. My dad didn't say anything).

I tell them how it went and try to show them the bruise on my jaw and they wouldn't listen because his mother can't possibly lie to them and the boy they watched growing up can't be this bad.

But THE DAUGHTER THEY RAISED CAN LIE AND BE THIS BAD? for God's sake they know how I don't tolerate raised voices and avoid heated arguments at any cost but none listen to me now except for my big brother who's him and my soon to be ex are close friends.

What hurt me is instead for at least comfort me they are taking his side while they saw him raise his voice before and call his coworker names. Is it because my little brother brought his gf home and they gave her my room so she can be close to college and scared that if I break up with him I would come back to stay with them and ruin everything?

I have a stable job and can take care of myself just good. I want to go back to break up with him and pack my things but can't even look him in the eye now for what he made me go through. He called and texted but like I said I don't even want to hear his voice.

He apologized for what he did in a few texts, I'm thinking about showing them to my family? but I feel sad I need to do that so they support me emotionally. All my things are there and I never did this before because he's my first everything. I'm mad that his mother LIED for him while my family didn't even listen to me. I'm thinking F them all except my big brother.

Before we give you OP's updates, let's take a look at some top comments:

Due_Connection179: You need to break up with this dude. It may be a little awkward for a little bit with you mom and his mom being friends, but in no way can you let this dude put his hands on you and scream in your face like that, especially in front of people. Please get out of this relationship before he escalates any further.

sgw79: Ditch this AH before he really hurts you. Don’t let anybody treat you like this. Stay safe!

aghaegy7: He is verbally and physically ab@sive towards you. He grabbed your face hard enough to leave a bruise. Your family is taking his side over this? And you're trying to get pregnant? Baby. Pack and get gone.

As for your family? Taking his side? Really? That MF would be lucky if it was my mama that tracked his ass down. At least she'd have "bless your heart"ed him after each smack with a baseball bat.

No, my brothers and nephews would have gotten a hold of him first. It wouldn't have mattered who started the fight, what the fight was about or anything of that nature. What would matter? Is that he would have put his hands on me.

I still remember a couple of years after we had gotten married and one of my nieces had misinterpreted something that happened and she went to one of my brothers. I knew something was up when my brother stuck his head in my front door, looked my husband straight in the eye and said "we're talking, out here, now".

Update:

Hi. Thank you all for your opinions on my previous post. The night I shared that post I didn't sleep a wink but had to go to work anyway. I didn't want to go back to my parents house but had nowhere to go which made things even more complicated.

I was tired and all I wanted was to sleep but younger brother wouldn't let me. He kept trying to talk about it and repeating the things his mother told them. I literally felt like my eyes were going to shut on their own from exhaustion.

Suddenly I felt his hand under my chin, when I looked up his face was so close to mine checking the bruise and I pushed him. I know what I did is wrong but at that moment he wasn't my younger brother or anyone I know, (I don't know how to explain this part but it was sudden and didn't realize what was happening I guess).

I just don't know why did I push him, not too hard but enough to make him back off a little. I think lack of sleep messed with my head but still.. When I realized what was happening I apologized immediately but he didn't take it well.

My mother told him it's okay she's just exhausted and then said "why didn't you just show us the bruise yesterday". I told her "that's exactly what I tried to do but you wouldn't listen". In her defense it was covered with makeup and didn't look bad, Okay.

She said my partner and I need to sit down and sort things out and that I should apologize for the scratch too. (I did the moment it happened). She also offered to call and ask him to come tomorrow so we could talk and fix things. I was so tired to argue with her so I grabbed my things and got out.

I'm writing this post from my hotel room. It's temporarily, yes I have a stable job but can't afford staying here for long. (I need to be careful with my money since I'm gonna need to find myself a place, buy furniture and other things).

I sent him a long descriptive text where I mentioned everything that happened that day. Even mentioned how it wasn't the first time but this one left a bruise. including the scratch and apologized for it again.. everything just like one of you advised me to do and I got a response. So I guess it's something?

My big brother made it clear to me that he doesn't care if they are close friends, family comes first and that he will bring a friend with him to help me pack my things when I'm ready.

He also offered me to stay with him as long as I need but I can't do that (he and his fiance had a baby recently and her mother staying with them to help for a few months, I don't want to make things hard for them).

the only friend I have is on a business trip, she was supportive and said I can stay with her when she comes back Saturday so I'm waiting for now. (She's the only friend I have that I can trust. I never felt the need to have more than one since him and I used to do pretty much everything together).

I can't help but feel like I'm overreacting. I do want to leave and acting on it. But then again this thought keep crossing my mind (that he's not always like this). I know I'm an idiot I'm just sharing this with you because I can't be this honest with my brother and definitely can't say this to my family too.

My brother advised me to not answer his calls and texts until I leave so I don't give him a chance to talk me out of this. My father called me this morning and apologized for not saying anything, he offered money (1500$, I don't think I should accept it.

By the way he loves my mother to death and for him whatever she "says goes" since forever. so to be honest, I'm not disappointed that he didn't stand up for me that day. At least he didn't try to shut me up)

For now I'm getting any paperwork I might need (thanks to my big brother and the comments I know better now).

I feel I should clarify something. Yes we dated for 8 years. But we didn't become exclusive until I was 18. He actually waited. (It was my older brother's idea tho.

His only condition was that nothing would happen between us until I turn 18 (You know what I mean by nothing). I think because they were close friends and knowing that my brother was against it all at first. made him keep his promise)

That's all. I will try and give final update when I sort everything out. Thank you again.

Before we give you OP's 2nd update, let's take a look at some top comments and responses from OP:

EmuDue9390: "I feel I should clarify something. Yes we dated for 8 years. But we didn't become exclusive until I was 18. He actually waited." He didn't wait. He groomed you.

This is all so disturbing. Your family is so wrong. Please move in with your friend and cut your family off completely. They are encouraging you to stay with someone who laid hands on you & now that he knows he will get support from YOUR family when he @buses you it will only get worse.

Your family is GROSS as well. GET AWAY FROM ALL THESE PEOPLE AS FAST AS YOU CAN.

There is a better life out there for you. There are better people out there.

There is a better life for you out there if you can muster just enough courage to get away & cut contact now.

OOP: I do realize this now. I'm working on everything you mentioned I just hope everything works out well. Thank you.

Mammoth_Might8171: You are not overreacting!!! Do not let your mom and younger brother gaslight u into thinking u are overreacting. Also, stop apologizing to him.

Update 2:

Hi. I don't know where to start. To be honest I completely forgot about updating until I got a notification few days ago from someone asking if I got away (thank you ).

A few days after my last update my brother and a friend of his went with me to pack my belongings. Thank God they did because we found his mother there too. My ex kept asking to talk with me in private but both my brother and his friend told him to say whatever he wanted with them in the room.

He apologized and asked me to give him another chance with his mother telling him to man up and stop begging the whole time. I called my friend to thank her again and let her know that I would be staying with my brother for the time being. I stayed with him for 2 weeks.

Honestly I didn't expect his MIL to be that kind. Both she and her daughter (my brother's fiancée) were good to me. I tried to help with the baby which helped me keep my mind off things a little and not feel like I was in the way.

I mentioned in my original post that my ex and I were trying for a baby. I also mentioned in my first update how I felt tired all the time. I thought it was because I was going through a tough time but I didn't know I was pregnant until I miscarried. With everything going on I didn't pay attention to my period.

I started having period like cramps the night before. I continued to have cramps the next day which turned into bleeding and it was like having a bad period but the bleeding continued to worsen over the course of the day. I probably wouldn't have even thought I was pregnant if my SIL hadn't told me that I might be miscarrying. I was 6 weeks along.

Other than the miscarriage which I'm still a little shaken by, everything has been good with me. I found myself a place 30 minutes from work. I'm adjusting. The last time he showed up at my work was a week ago or so.

Two of my coworkers told him to never show up again since he has no reason to be there and he never did since. I'm NC with my mother and younger brother. She tries to reach me through my older brother but he told me it's better if I stay NC at least for a few months.

When I posted. I was more focused on his mother lying to my family but the real issue was him doing that in front of her. If she hadn't visited and lied I probably wouldn't have told my family and never posted here. So I would have never known that’s not how things work and that’s not how my partner should treat me.

I sometimes think about my ex. I know I seem weak but I've known him for so long and he was my first everything. But now I don't have to worry about a lot of things. I wake up relaxed and don't have to worry about messing something up. By the way my first therapy session is this Tuesday. That's all, thank you

Readers continued to weigh in:

thefilthiestfingers: It's completely understandable that you're feeling shaken by everything you've been through, including the miscarriage. (sorry to hear about that btw...) It's important to prioritize your own well-being and take the time you need to heal.

It's great that you're taking steps like going to therapy to take care of yourself. Remember, you deserve to be treated with respect and kindness in any relationship. Keep focusing on yourself and your own happiness, and things will get better with time. You're doing great, and I'm rooting for you.